User talk:NothingAboutFlowers/sandbox

feedback on article contribution

Great that you have some community interest in your contribution. As we discussed in class, the suggested substitution is stylistically quite nice. You could easily adopt it and add in the specifics about the study, if you think that best. On the subject of the first two sentences, which are contested, you seem to have support from a very experienced wiki participant. Sandstein (click on the signature to visit the User Page) is an administrator. On the other hand, Diego, makes an argument based in Wiki standards. I suppose the question for you is whether you are persuaded by Diego that the sentences summarize material that is otherwise adequately sourced on the pages listed as "Main Articles." Definitely your call. Comments on the contribution itself are in no particular order:

• Would it be correct to say "in game choices like these" in order to point back to the "Choice based LGBT content, such as optional same sex romance in Bioware games"? If so, I think clarity would be enhanced.
• At "In games with LGBT representation" would it be appropriate to add a phrase/word for emphasis of distinction such as - In games that include LGBT representation as part of the in-game narrative - ? If so - once again - these small pointing words and clarification phrases help guide a reader through connections between sentences - helping a reader to make sense of the information - making it a web of meaning rather than data points.
• I'm not sure what it means to conclude with a preference for normalization rather than being abnormal or special. Of course, I understand the terms and the intent, but in the context of games, what do those descriptors signify? Is this sentence a repetition of the preference for game-based narratives over in-game choices? Or, is the sentence pointing at a distinction between marginalized in-game narratives and normalized in-game narratives? I'm just unclear about how to interpret the intent of this sentence.
• I'm looking for a similar kind of framing for the last, stand-alone sentence. Is this last sentence a description of the least desirable option for LGBT gamers? Seems like it since I'm understanding a completely self-contained (like within one's head) mode of engagement, even less straightforward than in-game choices. Am I reading this last correctly?
• Answering some of these questions might lead to ideas for a little expansion too.Jagrif02 (talk) 20:58, 18 October 2016 (UTC)