User talk:Rlambert1893/HNRS 1035

I rearranged the order of the origin section to go chronologically. The intro has been rearranged to go from general outbreak information to specific 2012 outbreak information. I also added in a multitude of citations so that data is easily verified. I expanded my research to the European version of the CDC for more information. I included definitions for the different outbreaks. I added an intro to the origin section. I condensed the Live poultry section into one paragraph in chronological order. I did not find any info on whether there are natural predators of salmonella besides the bacteria mentioned in the Tomatoes section. Also, there was no specific data on whether or not wildlife is affected by salmonellosis that originates in farmlands or whether or not it is naturally more prolific in one area or another. Rlambert1893 (talk) 20:05, 1 April 2014 (UTC)

For my editors: the Smoked Salmon section is drawn from the original 2012 salmonella outbreak page, but I made some edits. I am NOT claiming the wording or links of that section to be mine--I only heavily edited grammar and sentence flow. Also, some information is the same from the original article in regards to the tuna section; however, I added in a lot more detail and edited the sentences. Everything else in the sandbox is my original work. Rlambert1893 (talk) 18:27, 6 March 2014 (UTC)

Peer Review, William Melancon

Introduction appears to be good. Possibly look at rearranging the number of cases statement to something like "in general the U.S. experiences 42,000 cases of salmonellosis a year. However, the exact number of those infected is impossible to know as not all cases are reported. Possible add more information on what made the 2012 outbreak exceptional when compared to the average year.

Possibly add section expanding on the description of salmonella from the introduction. You could add something about the disease's history, specific symptoms, treatments, different strands and mutations of the disease. status with the CDC and possible eradication regimes, controls on food set by the CDC or FDA, if it exists you could talk about how salmonella can be imported on foreign products, or how customs works to prevent this, which could tie into the invasive species section of the class.

Possibly add section expanding on the base line state of salmonella within the united states, adding to the information that was discussed in the introduction.

Possibly add general introduction to origins of impact section before going into individual sources, look into folding the agriculture section into the origins of outbreak section, divide section into plants and animals, possible title being "outbreaks due to flora" and "outbreaks due to fauna".

Sections on each animal and tomato appears to be good. each section is short, sweet, and to be point, as well as offering statistics where necessary.

End of 2012 outbreak appears to be good. gets to the point quickly and gives all necessary information without being wordy. Would benefit from a similar section at the beginning of the article talking about the origins of the outbreak and what made 2012 unique in terms of annual salmonella cases.

Look into adding external links section.

Look into adding "see also" section.

various grammatical errors, I went and corrected a few of them but I'm sure there are some that I missed.

Wmelancon (talk) 05:32, 17 March 2014 (UTC)

Peer Review by Nathan Babb

I agree with William's edits. Your contributions are good and add relevant content to the page. I liked the organization and structure of your contributions.

While reading over your page I noticed an omitted comma which I went ahead and added for you. In terms of revision, might I suggest you linking "vocabulary words" to their respective Wikipedia pages? For instance, every time you mention "serotype" or "microbiome," go ahead and link that to their respective pages in Wikipedia. It is always nice to have that source connection just to further connect your page to other pages. Also, it gives readers a quick reference to a biology term they might not know. I provided two examples for you. Should you choose, go ahead and find other words which can be linked in your page. Other than this it is easy to read and follow. Great job.

Nbabb2 (talk) 23:55, 17 March 2014 (UTC)

Review from Dr. Becky

Your peers have provided you with excellent feedback and I recommend applying it throughout your article. Your writing is concise and the draft contains all the components of the assignment. Improvement can be made by addressing the organization of information, transitions between sentences, providing specific details, adding missing citations, and developing the background information further. Currently, the article needs a Lead section that clearly provides an overall summary of your article and lets the reader know what the article will contain. The existing version has a lot of information, but it is difficult to understand. I encourage you to make strong connections to the ecological aspects and how salmonella directly and indirectly affects nature. You are heading that way with aspects of agriculture, but push this further. Does salmonella occur naturally in a particular region? Why is it so prolific and widespread? Does it have a natural predator or something that keeps it in check? The basic ideas are present, they just need to be fleshed out further. You are on your way to an excellent contribution so keep it up! B.J.Carmichael (talk) 02:15, 20 March 2014 (UTC)