User talk:Rraspberry/sandbox
Peer Review
editWajdey Nesheiwat
Abstract: Great abstract! Also needs a breakdown of the word if you can. Try to add more epidemiology than just predominately present in boys such as how many boys per population.
Mechanism: Overall, very good mechanism. It seems that you hit all the points. Also try to cite more things from Wikipedia such as “osteochondrosis.”
Symptoms: Great section! Also add a brief description for each symptom.
Diagnosis: Great job at confirming the diagnosis. Are there any lifestyle indicators such as wearing a cast or sling? Also since it affects the bone, would the child also see an orthopedic doctor?
Causes and Prevention: Is there anything that the CDC says about the disease? It seems that you hit the key points in this section.
Treatment and Prognosis: Great plan. Although I mentioned this earlier, but perhaps limiting the movement with a cast, splint, or sling may help alleviate the pain?
Recent Research: Spell out the full name for OCD since it could have different meanings. Overall, you hit all the key points for every section. Great job!(Wnesheiwat (talk) 22:14, 14 November 2017 (UTC))
Nice job on a brief but informative abstract section; you could add more information/statistics regarding epidemiology if information is available. Your mechanism, diagnosis, treatment, recent research as well as the causes and prevention sections look really great. The symptoms section is off to a good start, but adding a brief description for each symptom listed would be helpful. Throughout the article you could link to other wikipedia articles more frequently. In each new section where you include OCD, maybe define it the first time you use it and then continue to use the abbreviation to avoid confusion if someone just looks at one section of the article. Overall, you did a really great job on elaborating on each of the sections while still making it easy to read! -Arti Ap1317 (talk) 17:04, 14 November 2017 (UTC)
Your abstract is a concise summary and the key features of the disease are there. In the last sentence of the abstract, do you mean that Panner’s disease is caused by valgus stress due to excessive throwing or excessive throwing due to valgus stress? (Just curious!) Check your spelling of capitulum. I think it might be misspelled. I like the picture that you found for your mechanism portion of the disease. I enjoyed that you included OCD as a comparison to Panner’s disease and the difference between the two. For the mechanism, you might want to include more on how the illness manifests (You mentioned that it is due to excessive throwing in the abstract.) For symptoms, I did not realize that we needed a description for each symptom, so you might want to include that. “These symptoms worsen with physical activity such a throwing a ball or gymnastics for example.” I know you will proofread before submitting in, but caught this sentence for you! For your diagnosis, would the patient ever visit an orthopedist or would it be a general doctor diagnosing and treating the child? You have some long run-on sentences that might be good to shorten. For treatment and prognosis, how is the capitulum remodeled? Great rough draft!MarcellaP13 (talk) 13:52, 15 November 2017 (UTC)Marcella
- You reference child in the abstract before saying that it's mostly seen in children. It's a little confusing.
- Treatment summary in abstract is condensed beyond usefulness.
- Nice use of picture.
- Add more links to other pages.
- You are writing an encyclopedia article, not a guide to patients. Be aware of context, particularly in diagnosis section.
- This is very strong! I look forward to seeing an edited version with some more links.