User talk:Shelby.Hill-Killerlain/sandbox

Peer Review

Hi Shelby, Good work on starting this article! I like that you are reformatting the current article to make it more user-friendly. Below are my suggestions from the peer review rubric.

Writing Style

Fair

• It seems as if you actually got rid of information from the original menarche article - or at least that one seems to have a little more detail.
• Your writing is unclear and not cited, which makes it difficult to understand and believe. Once you add in citations and work to make very sentence short, concise and informative it will be a great start to your article.

Structure of Article

Good

• Add a little more in the intro before you begin the first subheading
• Add length to each paragraph. Right now they are only one or two sentences. Fleshing them out a little would help make a stronger article.
• Good job including a relevant picture from WikiCommons!
• Actually insert your clever headline before moving the article into the main space. :)

Content

Fair

• The first section (Rites of passage) is confusing and too short. Be more specific, add examples and try to make it as clear as possible what the process is and where it takes place.
• The Mescalero Apaches paragraph is a little confusing. Add more detail to make it clear what you are talking about.
• Religious Rituals - What are the rituals?
• Cleansing rituals - Does she go to the menstruation house for every period the rest of her life? This is unclear from your writing.

WP Community Standards

Fair

• Instead of boldinng country names, hyperlink them to their respective Wikipedia articles. More hyperlinks throughout the larger article would be great.
• Double-check your grammar and spelling. I noticed commas in the wrong place and some misspelled words (ex. girls instead of girls'). Capitalization was also a little wonky.
• Nothing in your document is currently cited (only four sentences). Make sure you add citations for everything you possibly can!

Update

Sorry that my comments were a little confusing. I think I was just unsure of what information you were reformatting. Now that I look at the two articles again, I don't see any information missing between the culture sections. It was probably just the reformatting that made it seem as if there was less information.

Plumbla (talk) 18:11, 28 April 2013 (UTC)