User talk:Studentuser1/sandbox

Feedback on article contribution

Comments are in no particular order:

• Maybe a statement early in your contribution that connects it to the section you've chosen for placement. How is Ideal Victim illustrative of Secondary Victimization?
• "being younger and a man" needs a comma before it to set it off. See non-essential appositives in your style/usage resource.
• laws reforms s/b law reforms
• A current and understandable shorthand for "affirmative consent" is "yes means yes." Use of the phrase might help clarify that long and somewhat confusing explanatory clause. You could also link "yes means yes" to The "Affirmative" subsection of the Consent page by using this code ---- Affirmative Consent
• When you begin to discuss the ideal perpetrator, there is a confusing sentence and then some duplication from the discussion just above it. My guess is that you need to work on integrating the two sources more effectively. Often when we draft, we get down what one source said followed closely by what another source said. That's fine for drafting. As you refine and revise, however, you'll want to integrate them more seamlessly, especially if they are coordinating to make a single statement through you.
• The problematic sentence is this one: In addition to an ideal victim and in order for a crime to be ideal and therefore able to be judged correctly in court, there must be an ideal perpetrator as well. - As it stands, the sentence suggests that ideal victim and ideal perpetrator lead to a "correct" judgment at law. That is the opposite of what you mean. Rephrasing or the aforementioned integration can take care of this confusion.
• Overall, this is a solid first draft that is working toward a viable and useful contribution.--Jagrif02 (talk) 15:43, 19 October 2016 (UTC)