User talk:Walinde/sandbox

Benjamin Killeen Peer Review

Intro

• "in the field of remote-controlled robots" works better rather than "spcifically remote-controlled robots." Also, you can
• instead of (see telepresence) just use [[Telepresence|remote-controlled robots]] in place of "remote controlled robots.
• Your last sentence, "Goertz recognized the value of electrically coupling manipulators and laid the foundations of modern tele-robotics and bilateral force-reflecting positional servos" seems overly complicated for the intro.
• remove "also," second paragraph
• Third paragraph is not necessary, as it talks more about nuclear safety than it does the main subject. Move it or remove it.

Education and Early Life

• Fairly good section, not much to be done here except maybe consolidate the first two sentences as follows: "Raymond C. Goertz was born in Clearwater, Kansas on March 12, 1915 to Norman E. and Flora (Saint) Goertz." I would just remove the info about his siblings, unless they were notable. Maybe include that he had siblings, but not their names.

Career and Research

• "Later Goertz became a senior engineer in the remote control engineering..." when?
• What is a master-slave device?
• "seven-degree-of-freedom bi-lateral (symmetrical) metal tape transmission pantograph device," TOO MANY ADJECTIVES!!!
• There's lots of technical language in this section. Is there a way to simplify this?
• You have a type toward the end. "THe coupling of the two arms must be bilateral."

Also, you can make lists. * This * is * a list. Renders as:

• This
• is
• a list.

Master Slave Manipulator and Awards

Both of these sections look great.

Personal Life

Is this the right place for this? I'm not sure where personal details would go. Consult other biographical wikipedia pages, but it feels strange. Maybe it's just me.