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Wikipedia:Society for the Preservation of the Quazer Beast

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Not to be confused with Quasar or Quauar.
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Quazer Beast (квежер)
Illustration of the Quazer Beast with a sperm whale bull for comparison
Scientific classification
Kingdom:
Animalia
Phylum:
Chordata
Class:
Reptilia
Order:
Jörmungandria
Family:
Mackensenidae
Genus:
Quazer
Species:
Q. yenisei
Binomial name
Quazer yenisei
Mackensen, 2005
The Quazer beast is native to the Arctic Ocean.

The Quazer Beast was a mythical creature that was originally said to inhabit the Arctic Ocean. The legend of the Quazer Beast originates from the Enets people who live on the Yenisei River, which drains into the Arctic Ocean. According to the Tale, the Quazer Beast was a monstrous serpent, larger than any whale, with six eyes and two horns which protruded from the back of its head. It lived in the ocean and would guard the Yenisei River mouth, attacking and devouring anyone who ventured out too far. Although this legend was not widely believed, it was still prominent, often used as a warning to children who ventured out too far, and as an explanation for those who never returned from the sea.

The Society for the Preservation of the Quazer Beast is dedicated to the protection of the Quazer Beast and similar articles who find themselves at the mercy of article patrollers. Members pledge to go forth, find these articles, and see that justice is done to them. The Society also believes that the history of the Quazer Beast article serves as an object lesson in the perils of the Wiki model, as explained below.

The History of the Quazer Beast

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The Quazer Beast was first sighted in the article space on October 3, 2005; like many articles on Wikipedia, it was created by an anonymous IP address. The original article [1] contained valid wiki-links, was written coherently, and possessed a certain charm. It did not, however, contain any citations of any kind. This is not uncommon on Wikipedia either. The next day, another IP added links to relevant lists of mythological creatures on Wikipedia [2]. On November 9, 2005, a bot came through and standardized the "See also" section of the article [3]. That same day, another anonymous IP address came through and vandalized the article [4]. This vandalism was reverted almost immediately by an established user. On December 28, the article received a belated (but still fitting) Christmas present: categorization and a spelling correction [5].

This is how matters stood until May 17, 2006, when Mackensen stumbled upon the article during random-article patrol. He was charmed by the story, but realized that he had to list it for deletion [6]. His nomination says it all:

The article went through the process of being deleted, and was eventually speedy deleted as a hoax. Roughly three weeks later, when Zoz was browsing his contributions to find a certain article he edited before, he noticed that the Quazer Beast link had mysteriously turned blue again. That ominous sign marked the return of the gruesome Quazer Beast to the article namespace. Knowing there was no time to lose, he took the initiative and listed it for a second AfD. This time, however, Mackensen acted swiftly to save the valiant Quazer Beast from deletion and moved the text into the Wikipedia namespace, where it now stands.

Purpose

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The Quazer Beast was a perfectly normal looking article. After its creation it was categorized, copy-edited, and linked to; it was even vandalized once. That's the standard life cycle for an article. Except that the Quazer Beast is a hoax, and it isn't the only one out there. This Society protects Quazer Beasts by identifying them early on and treating them in a humane fashion, before they are subject to the throes of Articles for Deletion. Realize too, that there are many non-hoax articles which look exactly like the Quazer Beast but are not the Beast itself. Without sources, however, every article can look like a Quazer Beast. It is important that we recognize what is a Quazer Beast and what is not.

Quazer Beasts

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Thus far 13 living Quazer Beasts have been found, with seven brought to the Society’s sanctuary and another six rediscovered in the Jack “Russer” Russel Memorial Nature Preserve. They are considered to be critically endangered and possibly extinct in the wild.

The seven Quazer Beasts at the sanctuary are:

The six Quazer Beasts in the JRMNP are:

Extinct Quazer Beasts

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There have existed multiple Quazer Beasts that were culled by WikiWildlife authorities before they could be taken to the sanctuary. Known examples include:

  • Eurygaster confidens, a supposed species of the genus Eurygaster
  • Plathubis the grey fox, a supposed amphibious mythical fox who is capable of summoning rain
  • Brazilian copperfish, a supposed fish of the Characidae family which lives near Rio de Janeiro that is (or should that be “was”?) a “vital part of Brazilian culture and cuisine.”
  • Tuba, a supposed creature from Mongolian mythology, which apparently could be ridden on[2]
  • Death bird, or tkaclo hork, a supposed mythological avian from Aztec mythology that carried away children to feed its young (note that tkaclo hork is gibberish and the actual Nahuatl word for “death bird” would be miquiztototl[3])
  • the Ox of Boll, a bovid whose Quazerish nature is betrayed by a rather unsubtle name (ironically the term “ox” usually refers to a castrated draft animal, that is, one without bollocks)
  • Eachy, a supposed lake monster from the Lake District[4]
  • Deogen or De Ogen, a supposed ghost that, appropriately, now dwells in the afterlife[5] Oude Rode Ogen, likely a related species, met a similar fate[6]
  • The Rainbow Fish, a fictitious sea monster that ate the Buddha and/or(?) an incarnation of Vishnu, supposedly from Hindu Mythology.[7]
  • Gilled Antelope, or Cetaformia anthalopu, a facetious cryptid from Cambodia[8]

Unconfirmed Quazer Beasts

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The following beasts are only known from a single mention on user:JohnCD/Hoaxes, so they cannot be described in detail or even verified to be beasts at all.

  • Tree pig
  • Corellian Tiger (presumably unrelated to the Corellian Sand Panther)
  • Keep cricket (possibly a sport rather than a beast)
  • Mouth spiders
  • Paraceratherium giganteum, presumably a fictional species of Paraceratherium

Relatives of the Quazer Beast

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The equally elusive and mysterious WikiKraken may be a distant genetic relative of the Quazer Beast.

It is currently being researched whether the Bierrum Effect is somehow related to Quazer Beasts.

Bandicoda genrea is an extinct example of what might be termed a “Quazer plant”.

Canis lupis wikixplodepediaris (common name exploding dog) is a sort of pseudo-Quazer Beast, spawned from reckless template creation.

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  •  
    A Salvadorian Magpie
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    A fossil ceratopsian, which the Horng Fong is said to resemble
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    Illustration of the Duñak
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    Statuette of Bine
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    Depiction of the Quazer Beast from the 16th-century edition of Wikipedia
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    One of the many forms of Thaloc— "a girl with black wings similar to those of an angel"
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    An Errrden (left) furiously consuming knowledge, while a troll (right) looks on in search of unsuspecting editors to harass
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    Eurygaster maura, a relative of Eurygaster confidens
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    Plathubis the fox in a mid-13th century WikiBestiary
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    Skull of a Mustelodon
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    A pair of Brazilian copperfish
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    Taurens coopinus, a species of the genus Taurens
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    The Aztec death bird battling what appears to be a land-dwelling relative of the Quazer Beast in the Codex Wikipedia
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    Female Aliquota in the Accisa National Park
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    Relief of the famed Ox of Boll in Boll, Germany
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    Depiction of a Tuba and rider based on a 17th century European traveler's account
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    P. transouralicum, a presumed relative of P. giganteum
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    Wikipe-tan, protector of the Quazer Beast, with a specimen of the latter
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    A Mu Bear at the National Zoo in Washington D.C.
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    Purported photograph of Eachy
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    A congregation of Youts deep in the Scandinavian wilderness
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    Lars, the exploding dog, is peacefully retired to the sanctuary.
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    Purported eyewitness drawing of Deogen
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    Ancient MSpaint depiction of the Rainbow Fish
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    The “gilled antelope” is said to be a misidentified saola (pictured)[9]
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    User:Mackensen, SPQB founder
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    Petier Griphon, who saw the LAND DEVOURER
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    Gustavus Adolphus, rediscoverer of the Yaut legends
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    John Hackett, discoverer of the Salvadorian Magpie
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    Ivan T. Sanderson, researcher of the Horng Fong
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    Wikipe-tan, protector of the Quazer Beast

Members

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Members of the Society for the Preservation of the Quazer Beast pledge to verify articles when copy-editing them, checking the sources of articles they revert vandalism on, and bringing to the attention of the Society any Quazer Beasts found in the wild.

  1. Expedition Leader – Mackensen (talk) 01:26, 7 June 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  2. Supervising Cryptozoologist – Cyde↔Weys 01:28, 7 June 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  3. Logistics Officer Emeritus – Madame Sosostris 01:29, 7 June 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  4. Research Buffoon 1ne 14:56, 12 July 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  5. Userbox Designer[10] --Doc 08:28, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  6. Repartee Patroller ++Lar: t/c 13:24, 20 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
  7. Resident Blithering Idiot Emeritus and Policy Wonk Emeritus --Durin 13:40, 7 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  8. Member Mar 03:57, 9 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  9. Wrote a newspaper article that linked here Res
  10. Ombudsman to the Quazer Beast Tar-Elessar (talk) 01:42, 23 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  11. Энчеуа кудюм дюртӈаӈаҫод’и онаь базаана (Enets Translator [Emeritus]) Khu'hamgaba Kitap (talk) 10:25, 26 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  12. Some random person who exists TL The Legend talk 04:43, 14 November 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  13. I do everything around here these days Where’s my member userbox (Dronebogus (talk) 12:48, 10 November 2021 (UTC))[reply]
  14. Protector of the Quazer Beast (Wikipe-tan)
  15. Honourary fellow Edward Pennington, Esq.

Userboxes

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Members can identify themselves with the following userbox:

Code Result
{{User:Dronebogus/Userboxes/QuazerBeast}}
 This user is a member of the Society for the Preservation of the Quazer Beast
 Usage
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See also

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Notes

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  1. ^ https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Al-%CA%BDUyun&oldid=1068023913
  2. ^ Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Tuba (mythology)
  3. ^ Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Death bird
  4. ^ https://skepticalinquirer.org/2021/12/creating-a-monster-the-case-of-eachy/
  5. ^ https://web.archive.org/web/20161017130629/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deogen
  6. ^ Wikipedia:Articles for deletion/Oude Rode Ogen
  7. ^ https://web.archive.org/web/20230608103922/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainbow_fish_(mythology)
  8. ^ https://web.archive.org/web/20210124151007/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilled_Antelope
  9. ^ https://web.archive.org/web/20210115013346/https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gilled_antelope
  10. ^ Note: the current userbox was actually designed by Dronebogus
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