Wikipedia:Can we help you?
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Wikipedia: Can we help you?
These instructions are for the main telephone desk. Please read these instructions carefully. Please feel free to take notes.
Hello can we help you
edit- Requires checking the user's user page (or in case of any doubts about the caller - their talk page and block log) before speaking: -
- User box and User page indicators:-
If there are any user boxes referring to religious affiliation - ask them to refer to Wikipedia:The Wikipedian's Prayer
If they show signs of being obsessive compulsive users - ask them to press save page repeatedly.
If their questions reflect as being co-dependent - tell them to do it themselves, or we will get someone else to do it for them.
If their user page reflects multiple personality - tell them to press save page. then show preview and show changes.
If their user page exhibits classical symptoms of the paranoid delusional- the following dialogue is required - We know who you are and what you want - just stay on your watch list and we will trace your ISP now
If the user is clearly schizophrenic - ask the user to listen carefully and the little voice will give the instructions anyway.
If the user box shows classic symptoms of the manic depressive - let them know that it doesn't matter, no one will solve the problem, and hang up.
- Talk page
If they show signs of responding in expletives to admins, temporary blocks and generally good advice - remain silent. Have a cup of tea.
Oh, and don't forget - always say regardless of what they say:-
Have a nice day!
Further guidelines
editUnder no circumstances should enquirers be referred to Wikipedia:Clinic for Wikipediholics or Wikipedia:Who, Why? as these may deprecate the threshold perception of the enquirer as to the veracity of any answer given.
See also
editWhen in complete and utter doubt as to who/what/where/which planet - the other user/editor is
edit- Please refer to Wikipedia:Grief and if this does not work ask them to type their name in backwards and google it.