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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Blackburn Olympic F.C./archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by SandyGeorgia 22:53, 6 September 2009 [1].

Blackburn Olympic F.C.

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Nominator(s): ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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An interesting (hopefully) article about a football club which folded 120 years ago this year but played a very important part in the development of professional sport. It had a PR, at which User:Finetooth commented that there was very little that needed changing, so hopefully it's now ready for FA, but let me know what you think. Cheers!!!!! -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:16, 10 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Not a good opening: "Blackburn Olympic F.C. was an English association football club based in Blackburn, Lancashire, which existed in the late 19th century. (This overcomes "existed ... extistence", and the forced vagueness of a 100-year window, clarified in the second para (around the 1880s.)
  • You could almost get rid of ", however," in the second para, given the "only" before it; up to you (it's 50/50).
  • "to legalise professionalism two years later"—so it was illegal until then? Or perhaps "to legitimate" or "endorse" or "set the rules for"?
  • Another ", however," only four seconds later. And I noted two "only"s above (whichd was OK, but do watch those close repetitions).
  • Comma after "era" because the final clause is such a major statement? Slow down the reader?
  • "Existence" for a third time. "For most of that decade"? Or remove that phrase altogether if it's assumed ...
  • Readers have to hit the "strip" link to find out what it means? Still link, but can't it be kinder ... "strip (uniform)" or even "(kit)". Unsure.
  • Subtle point: "The club's first-choice strip consisted of light blue shirts and white shorts from 1880 onwards."—If you put the time-phrase first, as the grammatical "theme" (point of departure), there will be no sense that they had a first-choice strip before 1880. "From 1880 onwards, the club's ...".
  • Why the tiny tiny images? MoS's guidelines have been clarified on this recently. I'd be going for 240–280px (or "upright=1.2–1.5").
  • "where for the first time they faced opponents from the south of England in the form of Old Carthusians."—"in the form of" is a bit laboured in this context (or precious, even); replace with a dash?
  • "However" best first in a sentence; some pedant in the early 20th C said to next it in commas as the second element. Should have been horse-whipped. Best to give the readers the angle up-front.
  • "the first occasion on which a northern team had reached the final." --> "the first time a northern ...".

So ... I have no time to sift through the rest at the moment. This should be promoted, I think, but needs an independent run-through—not a long job, since much of it is very well written. It's good. Tony (talk) 14:10, 2 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for your comments Tony, I'm presuming you didn't mean to score through most of them. I've tweaked the lead in line with your suggestions. As for the images, I thought we weren't supposed to "force" the size of images other than potentially the lead image..........? -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 14:19, 2 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
MOS:IMAGES has changed—if necessary, you can set the sizes of the images. Dabomb87 (talk) 21:11, 2 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Done -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 08:15, 3 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
Image comments
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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