Wikipedia

Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Debora Green/archive2

< Wikipedia:Featured article candidates
The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Ian Rose 10:41, 26 November 2012 [1].

Debora Green

edit

Debora Green (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

Toolbox
Nominator(s): A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 19:18, 24 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

A thorough survey of both Debora Green's life and the crime she was convicted of. This is a second FAC nomination for this article; the previous one was closed due to lack of comments. Most of the sources used for this article are offline; I am able to provide digital copies of all offline sources other than the Ann Rule book to any reviewer who'd like to spotcheck. The Ann Rule book should be spotcheckable here. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 19:18, 24 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Image review
  • File:Ricinus communis 008.JPG - GFDL/CC-BY-SA 3.0.
  • File:Dennis Moore, official photo portrait, color.jpg - source link is dead but I don't think that's an issue. PD-USGov.
  • More images would be nice, but I'm assuming that there aren't any more available that are licensable. --Rschen7754 03:37, 25 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yeah, this set of images is about the best I've been able to come up with. No photos of Green or her family members are available under a license compatible with us, as far as I can tell, and while I could find images of, say, Peru, a courtroom, and a jail, they wouldn't really add any understanding-value to the article. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 14:39, 25 October 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • I fixed two apparent overlinks, please check
  • "Major" in a university course sense might be linked to help us Brits
  • Can we have a metric conversion for the gallons?
  • "Redbook" is italicised in its own article, not in yours, you can't both be right
  • Support Read this during lunch break today and was gripped; found the writing and pace very engaging. Looks good wrt to quality of sources and is comprehensive. Small minor, not even quibbles with prose in a few limited places, working through, but am not married to my edits, feel free to revert. Ceoil (talk) 20:32, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
One thing, some of the refs are qualified by "Highbeam Research - sub required". Is that really necessary? I mean, who actually cares how you got the paricular article, and it smaks a bit of promoting the for profit highbeam. Ceoil (talk) 21:08, 9 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
No i'd not leave it out altogether, its nuts and bolts where the ref came from, a RS is a RS. I would imagine that Wikipedia:HighBeam/Citations is skeyed towards mentioning HighBeam. Ceoil (talk) 01:04, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Hm. So what would be your ideal ref content here? Mention Highbeam? Mention subscription required? One or both? Neither? A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 02:18, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Nither imo, though I may be corrected. Other wise its a presented to you by....and thats irrevant. Ceoil (talk) 02:23, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, I've taken them out :) A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 02:40, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Fluffernutter, to be honest Im suffering from reviewers remorse how here, wondering if I'm being too harsh on this. I might ask a second openion. Ceoil (talk) 05:00, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Heh, ok. I'll see if I can find anyone who wants to weigh in. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 17:05, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'd say a "subscription required" note would be a good idea, though not absolutely necessary. The issue of Highbeam mentions as promotional has actually come up before - really that's neither here nor there, and they're not forbidden, but I'd say "subscription" would suffice. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:50, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
That sounds reasonable. Gone ahead and implemented. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 19:22, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Resonable to me too. \Thanks for weighing in Nikki. Ceoil (talk) 01:50, 11 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Source review - spotchecks not done

  • Note 2: can you be a bit more specific on citations? Direct quotes usually need page numbers, and there are several Star articles cited. Also, "the The Kansas City Star"?
  • Check for template glitches like doubled periods
  • FN45: page formatting
  • Ranges should always use endashes
  • FN48: is the first author's name really "Cheryl Cheryl"?
  • Does Highbeam provide page numbers for the articles it reproduces?
  • Why provide access date for FN52 but not 51 or 50? All three are Highbeam, so all three should use similar formatting
  • Deadly Women is linked and unitalicized in text but unlinked and italicized in refs - any reason for that? The latter, at least, should be consistent. Also, does this show have episode numbers?

Nikkimaria (talk) 19:49, 10 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Delegate note -- like to see a source spotcheck; I note the nominator has offered to assist with offline sources if need be. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 03:50, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

I just noticed (handnt spot checked tbh) that 34 of the 55 refs are from a single source. Whats the current thinking on this re balance, comprehensiveness etc? My own though is that while its not fatal in instances, it should be discorage, and looking Ann Rule isnt a particularly scholarly writer, she publishes sensationalist "true crime" pulp material. Im not familiar with the breath of lit out there, so just asking, I'm ok on being disputed on this. Ceoil (talk) 00:39, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Obviously I'm going to think my sources are just peachy, so take me with a grain of salt, but I want to point out that while Ann Rule isn't a scholarly author, I wouldn't call her "sensationalist" or "pulpy". She's considered quite authoritative as a crime reporter/author. As far as why the article relies heavily on that source...that is the only source that deals with Green's backstory and the fire/murder investigations extensively - news articles, being news articles, tend to be short and to the point, while books have more space to expand on background, detailed interviews, etc. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 01:05, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Accept this; Im finding that from my google news searches since, and maybe I was hasty with pulp etc. I need to look more, so withdrawing those eh, descriptions. Anyway, I'll do the spot checks if you want to send on some scans or whatever, I'll pick refs 8, 13 and 17 and will look myself at some of the onlines one. Will be gone ontil Friday but will pick it up then. Im about done with any minor c/eing, looks good there. Ceoil (talk) 01:11, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! Check your email :) A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 01:19, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
My emial client, eircom, routinely, any habitually crashes at this time, for a hour or two. Sigh, you could sent your clock by it. If it doesnt come though, I'll be gone from the night, but will do the checks on Friday, not to drag the FAC out. Ceoil (talk) 01:21, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Ceoil, are you still planning to do the source spotcheck? Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 09:16, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments restricted to the section "Farrar's account" - Cwmhiraeth (talk) 09:50, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • The second sentence starts with the words "He told police ..." and after this, the rest of the section should be in the form of reported speech. This means that a pronoun should replace the numerous mentions of Farrar. I also think that some of the verbs in this section should be in the pluperfect rather than the perfect tense.
  • I'm fairly sure it's not necessary to remove all name mentions just because it's reported speech. It would be terribly repetitive to put the whole section in "he said...he said...he said..." as opposed to varying the phrasing. Tense-wise, past vs. past perfect here helps to differentiate events removed in time ("She was diagnosed with depression...") from those related to the day of the fire ("Farrar had dropped the children off at 9:30..."). I could re-write everything to obscure that differentiation, but I think it would detract from the quality of the prose. If you've found specific spots where it looks like I erred in tense, though, please let me know and I'll fix those. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 16:15, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Looking again, although I would accept that it's not necessarily the case that you need quote marks, I find it difficult in the long first para of this section to tell what is a summary of his testimony, and what is a statement of facts from other sources. Eg Doctors identified Streptococcus viridans, which had probably leaked through damaged digestive tissue as a result of Farrar's severe diarrhea, as the source of the sepsis; Fact or his claim? Jimfbleak - talk to me? 07:57, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • Hmmm. The intention here was that it was clear from calling the section "Farrar's account" and saying "Farrar told the police about [the past six months]", and then describing the past six months, that this was all recounting what Farrar told the police. All the ways I can think of to make that clearer (Using "he said, he said, he said", ending the an opening paragraph with "Farrar's account was as follows:", etc) seem like they would interfere with the flow of the article. It's not direct quotes; it's a summary of what he told the police. If anyone has ideas for a way to make it clearer that this is his account, without making the prose painful, I'm open to suggestions. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 15:45, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The hospital identified Streptococcus viridans, which had probably leaked through damaged digestive tissue as a result of Farrar's severe diarrhea, as the source of the sepsis but were unable to pinpoint the root cause of the gastrointestinal illness itself." - The subject of this sentence is too far removed by the clause from the rest of the sentence. Also, the hospital is not a plural noun.
  • "The next day, he asked Green—who had no interest in gardening that he knew of—what she had intended to do with the seed packets." - This sentence could be better phrased.
I would say - "He did not believe that Green had any interest in gardening so he asked her next day what she had intended to do with the seed packets."
  • "Though she initially claimed that she was going to plant them, when pressed she said that she intended to use them to commit suicide." - The subject of this sentence is "seed packets".
Well most people, gardeners or non-gardeners, do not plant seed packets.
  • "Police who responded to the home ..." - Do you mean "Police who attended at the home ..."?
  • " ... police transported Green to a nearby emergency room." - At the hospital, presumably? This reads as if the room was in the house.
  • This one is a dialect difference. "Emergency room" is what Americans call the place the British call an A&E, and it's being properly used here. I can wikilink it if you'd like, but personally I think that's a bit overlinky, considering how common and well-understood the term is. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 16:15, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Its your choice, but any of the following alternatives is better than "emergency room" from a UK perspective -- "emergency department", "accident & emergency" or "casualty department".
  • None of these are in common usage in American English (you hear "emergency department" occasionally in AE, but not nearly as commonly as "emergency room", and the other two you pretty much never hear except from someone speaking a non-American dialect of English), so it would be inappropriate to use them in an article written in American English. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 19:30, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "According to the doctor, Green "spit at him"," - "spat" would sound more natural and there is no need for this part of the sentence to be in inverted commas.
  • Well, it's a quote, thus the quotation marks. There's no real way to express this thought without either quoting/close-paraphrasing it or being needlessly complex ("she expectorated upon him"? "she flung spittle in his general direction"?), and my policy is that if I can't paraphrase it adequately, it goes in quotes. "Spit" is the past tense used in the quote. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 16:15, 14 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Changed a bit, but considerning its medical openion, not much. Im ok with going back to quotes on this. Ceoil (talk) 03:24, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Throughout the evening on October 23, 1995, ..." - It seems strange to mention the date so specifically at this stage of the statement.
  • I'm not going to comment further and am unable to support this article's candidacy because I find the nominator unresponsive to the concerns I have raised. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 06:49, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
    • Wha? It just seems like you disagree, I wouldn't say "unresponsive." --Rschen7754 06:51, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
      • In case you are wondering, I'm revisiting because Cwmhiraeth asked me to look at her comments and your responses here. For the benefit of delegates, this doesn't change my support above. Jimfbleak - talk to me? 07:57, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
        • I'm really disappointed to see that Cwmhiraeth feels unable to support, and even more that she's questioned Jimfbleak's support and my good faith in the process. I have been as responsive to all concerns on this FAC as possible, but in my mind this is intended to be a process of improvement, not of taking all suggestions as articles of faith. I didn't expect this article to be opposed because a reviewer was offended I considered some of their suggestions to not be improvements, nor did I expect to be labeled "dismissive" and "unresponsive" for engaging in give-and-take about what is best for the article. So, to be clear: I am happy to entertain corrections, comments, and suggestions about how to improve the article. If I'm wrong when I say I think a change would be to the detriment of the article, I'm happy to hear from other commenters that they agree or disagree with my choice, and what their reasoning is. If it turns out I was wrong to refute a suggestion, that's fine; tell me that and I'll fix it. I've been wrong before and I'll be wrong again a bunch of times before I kick the bucket. But please don't assume bad faith of my manner or my intentions because I decline to make a change you suggest; it's is possible that other people can be wrong sometimes too. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 15:45, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
          • Its ok to let an oppose stand if you disagree with what is being asked. Ceoil (talk) 18:27, 15 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
            • In fairness to Cwmhiraeth, I think she was asking for a second opinion on her comments and your responses, rather than questioning my support or your integrity. I think that since she was reviewing just one section, any formal support or oppose she might have given would have had to be highly qualified anyway Jimfbleak - talk to me? 08:16, 17 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • You seem to be making a big deal about my comments on the single section of the article I reviewed. I neither support this candidacy nor oppose it, I am neutral.

The main point I made about the first paragraph of "Farrar's account" has not been addressed. The other points mostly refer to differences between American English and British English. I acknowledge that an article on an American subject written presumably by an American should use American English. I just didn't care for the way the nominator dismissed my comments as not being worth bothering with. For example, what is the problem with rewording "According to the doctor, Green "spit at him"" as "The doctor stated that Green had spat at him"? Your response was dismissive. As a result I decided not to review other sections as had been my original intention. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 12:16, 17 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

  • Support Further comments from Cwmhiraeth
A lot of effort has been put into this article and in general it is of a high standard. I am concerned that it might fail to be promoted because of my earlier lack of support, so I have decided to look at it further and here are some more comments:
  • "Green attended the University of Illinois from the fall of 1969, where she took a major in chemistry Though she had intended to pursue chemical engineering as a career, she opted to attend medical school after graduating in 1972 with a degree in chemistry" - we don't need the second mention of the chemistry degree.
  • "Green felt that Farrar was a stable presence she could depend on." - better not to end the sentence with a preposition.
  • Their first child was "Timothy", the second "Kate Farrar" and the third "Kelly Farrar". Why the difference?
  • "As the Farrar children grew old enough, they were enrolled in the private The Pembroke Hill School in Kansas City." - I suggest you rearrange this as "As the Farrar children grew old enough, they were enrolled in The Pembroke Hill School, a private school in Kansas City."
  • I note that in the section "Divorce" you mention the Pembroke Hill School without capitalising the definite article.
  • "While Farrar worked long hours, Green always accompanied her children to their activities, ..." - I suggest you rephrase this perhaps starting with "During this time, Farrar worked long hours ..." as the previous sentence also uses "while".
  • "Medical professionals who worked with her during this time described her as "unfeeling to the patients" and "obsessive about [her husband]"." - I see no purpose for these awkward quotations from a newspaper article. Why not just have "Medical professionals who worked with her during this time described her as being unfeeling towards her patients and obsessive about her husband."?
  • "... while the sale of the Prairie Village home was re-negotiated." - I am confused. Were they not still living in Missouri? Or did you mean the purchase of the house was re-negotiated?
  • Is your point here the use of "sale" vs "purchase"? It's fairly common in American English to use "sale" to mean the transfer of a house both from the perspective of the buyer and the seller. I'm assuming this isn't as clear from an outside-USA perspective, though, and "purchase" works just as well, so I've changed it. A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 02:52, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Green responded "hysterical[ly]" and told the children that their father was leaving them." - I see no need for quoting one word in this way.
  • "... sometimes to the point of unconsciousness and nearly always to the point of removing what inhibitions ..." - Perhaps this could be rephrased so that we don't have "to the point" twice.
  • In the last paragraph of "Divorce", Farrar is mentioned as continuing to live in the family home. Did he move out before the fire, the news of which he received when at his apartment?
  • "It had been a remarkably rapid destruction of the house, ..." - Why not start this sentence, "Fire had spread through the house with great rapidity ..."
  • In the "Fire" section a "9-1-1 call" is mentioned while elsewhere "911" is used.
  • "... who had phoned the house asking who there had paged him." - Maybe "...who had phoned the house asking which member of the household had paged him."
  • "Her accounts of times from the previous evening wavered ..." - I think "varied" would be better.
  • "Green's lawyer for the couple's divorce, Ellen Ryan, found her there later in the day, distraught." - I suggest "Ellen Ryan, Green's divorce lawyer, found her there later in the day in a distraught state."
These recommendiations all seem solid to me, good improvements. Ceoil (talk) 22:46, 24 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the comments, Cwmhiraeth. Ceoil, you deserve a medal for getting most of these resolved before I even saw them! A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 02:52, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "In the "Fire investigation" section, it is undesirable to finish the first paragraph and start the second with the same words.
  • "A clerk in Missouri recalled a woman who, that September, asked for an order of ten packets of the out-of-season seeds, which she claimed were needed for schoolwork." - I think this sentence could be rephrased.
  • "Register tapes in the store's records showed that a purchase corresponding to the amount the beans would have cost had been made on the afternoon of either September 20 or 22, though no records were found in any Earl May store of earlier such purchases, which would have been necessary based on Farrar first having become ill in the summer." - This sentence is too long and complex.
  • "Farrar underwent surgery in November 1995 as treatment for his ongoing health issues which were believed to a result of poisoning." - This sentence appears to have a word omitted and is awkwardly expressed.
  • "... but officials declined to name the person suspected in either case." - Maybe the word "case" should be avoided here as it occurs in the previous sentence with a different meaning.
  • "Though Green's attorneys requested that if arrested ..." - "had requested" would be better.
  • "The defense argued that the psychiatric medications Green had been on since her September hospitalization" - This would be better phrased as "... on which Green had been"
  • "... could cause blunted affect which could be mistaken for a lack of emotion." - According to the wikilink, "blunted affect" is a lack of emotion.
  • Blunted affect is a failure to react emotionally enough, or to express the right emotion where it's appropriate. This is distinct from not having the emotion in the first place. To try to make that clearer, I changed the sentence to "...could cause blunted affect, which could have led police and fire personnel to erroneously report that Green had been unemotional." A fluffernutter is a sandwich! (talk) 17:52, 25 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Detectives who had spoken to both Green and Farrar the night of the fire testified as to Green's unusual affect during their interview," - This sentence could be better expressed. Perhaps "Green's demeanour" would be an improvement.
  • "Her defense team undertook its own investigation, hoping to disprove state witnesses' testimony identifying it as arson." - What does "it" describe here?
  • "... in making her plea or her ability to understand the proceedings she was participating in." - Ends with a preposition.
  • "... though her attorneys were prepared to provide evidence that she had not in been control of herself at the time ..." - misplaced "in".
  • "In a subsequent press conference, defense counsel Dennis Moore told reporters, "She is accepting responsibility for [the crimes]" but said that "I don't think she ever intended to kill her children." - I think that indirect speech would be better here. I don't think that close paraphrasing is an issue when you are reporting what someone said.
  • "After her sentencing Green continued to maintain that she had little to no memory of events the night of the fire." - This sentence could be better phrased.
  • "She later withdrew the request when told that prosecutors would again request for the death penalty." This sentence could be better phrased.
  • "... a number of sources have attempted to classify her pathology, if any," - I don't think "pathology" is the right word here.
  • "Evaluations showed Green to be minimally able to "cope with the world [she] lives in"" - Again, I think the awkward quote unnecessary.
  • In the first paragraph of "Evaluations of psychology and motivation", Hutchinson seems to be first a "he" but later a "she", although this isn't entirely clear from the context.


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Featured_article_candidates/Debora_Green/archive2&oldid=1046367135"