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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Dylan Thomas/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose (talk) 13:26, 27 August 2014 (diff).

Dylan Thomas

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Nominator(s): FruitMonkey (talk) 11:05, 22 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about the poet and writer Dylan Thomas. Thomas was well known in Britain and the United States during his lifetime and he is still recognized today. Notable works include "And death shall have no dominion" and "Do not go gentle into that good night" and in the US 'A Child's Christmas in Wales'. A lot of hard work went into getting the article to GA standard and a (limited) peer review was conducted earlier this year. Although time maybe against us I would like to get this to FA standard in the hope of making the front page on 27 October, the centenary of Thomas' birth. FruitMonkey (talk) 11:05, 22 July 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

Comments from Shudde

I don't have the time for a full review. But I'll add some comments that you'll hopefully find helpful.

  • There are a few duplicate links.
  • References should be provided for the notes that are unreferenced.
  • check it complies with WP:DASH -- think there are some spaced mdashes in there
  • I'm not an expert on poetry or literature (by a long way), but what is the convention regarding names? You use "Fern Hill", but then Quite Early One Morning, and later 'Under Milk Wood' -- so not sure here, do we use ", italics, or '?
  • "was born in Swansea, in on 27 October 1914," -- English
  • It's possible to work this out from the date of birth, but because of it immediately follows a discussion of Thomas' father, in "His only sister Nancy" it's not clear who his refers to.
  • "The children spoke only English though their parents were bilingual in English and Welsh, and David Thomas gave Welsh lessons at home" -- maybe "The children spoke only English though their parents also spoke Welsh, and David Thomas gave Welsh lessons from home"
  • "which could be translated as" -- "can be" still right?
  • "The red-brick semi-detached house at 5 Cwmdonkin Drive, in which Thomas was born and lived until he was 19, had been bought by his parents in the respectable area of the Uplands a few months before his birth." -- this is a tough read for me. Maybe "Thomas was born in the red-brick semi-detached house at 5 Cwmdonkin Drive, Uplands, that his parents had bought several months earlier, and he lived there until he was 19."
  • " It is considered that Thomas was indulged by his mother" -- by who?
  • "Thomas' formal education began at Mrs Hole's dame school a private school on Mirador Crescent" maybe "Thomas' formal education began at Mrs Hole's private dame school on Mirador Crescent"
  • "In his first year one of his poems was published in the school's magazine and before he left he became its editor" -- seems redundant that it happened before he left, how about "In his first year one of his poems was published in the school's magazine, of which he eventually became editor" ?
  • "only to leave under pressure 18 months later" -- any more information on this "pressure"?
  • "Thomas continued to work as a freelance journalist for several years during which time he remained at Cwmdonkin Drive where he continued to add to his notebooks" -- close repetition of "continued", maybe "Thomas instead worked as a freelance journalist for several years while remaining at Cwmdonkin Drive, and continued to add to his notebooks"
  • "close to the newspaper office in Castle Street" -- does this refer to the South Wales Daily Post?
  • " In all, he wrote half his poems while living at Cwmdonkin Drive before moving to London." -- this was mentioned earlier in the article, can probably be removed
  • "It was the time that Thomas' reputation for heavy drinking developed." -- I think maybe "It was at this time that Thomas' reputation for heavy drinking developed." - although not 100% clear what "this time" is
  • "In spring 1936" -- this is something I'm a bit sensitive about (being from the Southern Hemisphere), but there are quite a few examples throughout this article of seasons being used to describe times, when months would be much better. Saying he holidayed somewhere in the summer is fine, but saying something happened in the spring or winter is not. I always have to think in my head ("northern spring = southern autumn"). Would be good if this could be avoided. I may not list them all here, so please go and have a check through the article.
  • " Laying his head in her lap, a drunken Thomas proposed." -- I assume this was the night they met?
  • "In spring 1938" -- see above

Done for now. I'll hopefully get back to this, but like I said, I can't guarantee that I'll have the time. -- Shudde talk 11:59, 10 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Further comments
  • "In 1939 The Map of Love appeared as a collection of 16 poems and seven of the 20 short stories published by Thomas in magazines since 1934." -- this reads poorly. Also violates WP:NUMERAL. How about "Seven of the twenty short stories published by Thomas in magazines since 1934 were included alongside sixteen [unpublished?] poems in the collection The Map of Love in 1939." -- still not clear on this whole sentence. It needs work.
  • "There Thomas collaborated with Davenport on the satire The Death of the King's Canary, though due to fears of libel the work was not published until 1976." -- what kind of work was this (play, novel?), and why did they fear libel?
  • "At the outset of the Second World War, Thomas was worried about conscription and referred to his ailment as "an unreliable lung"." -- I think this needs a direct citation, and it isn't explicit here, but did he refer to his ailment as unreliable long because he feared conscription and thought this would help him avoid it?
  • "After being rebuffed he found work with Strand Films providing him with his first regular income since the Daily Post." -- not sure about this. Maybe "After being rebuffed he found work with Strand Films which provided him with his first regular income since the Daily Post."
  • "daughter, Aeronwy in London" --> "daughter, Aeronwy, in London"
  • "In September Thomas and Caitlin moved to New Quay in West Wales which inspired Thomas to pen the radio piece Quite Early One Morning, a sketch for his later work, Under Milk Wood." -- again not clear, did the move, or the new area inspire the piece?
  • "Of the poetry written at this time, of note is "Fern Hill", believed to have been started while living in New Quay, but completed at Blaen Cwm in the summer of 1945." -- again with the seasons. Also "Of the ... of note"
  • Regarding the first paragraph of Broadcasting years 1945–1949 Maybe play with the language here, Quite Early One Morning (by the way, what kind of broadcast was this?) is repeated in close proximity. Also why did the BBC change their mind and eventually broadcast it?
  • "In the second half of 1945, Thomas began reading for the BBC Radio programme, Book of Verse, broadcast weekly to the Far East[69] providing Thomas with a regular income and bringing him into contact with Louis MacNeice, a congenial drinking companion whose advice Thomas cherished." Not sure about the punctuation here. Maybe split into two sentences.
  • Can more be said about why Margaret Taylor was such a generous patron of Thomas?
  • "for his parents[78][79] who lived there from 1949 until 1953." -- there a reason those citations can't be moved to the end of the sentence?

Done for today but making progress. -- Shudde talk 11:35, 11 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

American tours, 1950–1953
  • "John Brinnin invited Thomas to New York, where in 1950 they embarked on a lucrative three-month tour of arts centres and campuses." -- might be good at this point to say who Brinnin is (or why he would be inviting Thomas to New York)?
  • "1950 is also believed to be the year that he began work on 'Under Milk Wood', under the working title 'The Town That Was Mad'." -- maybe say what Under Milk Wood is -- it's not a poem right?
  • "Despite Cleverdon's urges, the script slipped from Thomas' priorities and in early 1951 he took a trip to Iran to work on a film for the Anglo-Iranian Oil Company." -- when you say "he" here not sure whether that means Cleverdon or Thomas. Looks like this is implicitly clarified in the next sentence.
  • "That spring" -- see above
  • "Despite a range of wealthy patrons ..." -- is there a reason why, despite all the financial help he has received, Thomas is in such financial trouble?
  • 'Thomas would describe the flat as his "London house of horror"' -- maybe 'Thomas later described the flat as his "London house of horror"'
  • "The second tour was the most intensive of the four" -- has that he eventually undertook four American tours been mentioned yet?
  • " The trip also resulted in Thomas recording his first poetry to vinyl" -- does this mean " The trip also resulted in Thomas first recording his poetry to vinyl" ? If so the latter is more accurate.

-- That's it from that section. -- Shudde talk 11:47, 14 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment -- Tks Shudde for your detailed review thus far but this FAC would still need more eyes on it plus more prompt addressing of outstanding comments by the nominator, so I'll be archiving it shortly. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 13:26, 27 August 2014 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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