Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Final Fantasy Type-0/archive1
- The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.
The article was promoted by Graham Beards via FACBot (talk) 23:56, 14 November 2015 [1].
Contents
- Nominator(s): ProtoDrake (talk) 10:06, 6 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
This article is about... Final Fantasy Type-0, a game in the Final Fantasy series released for the PlayStation Portable (PSP) on October 27, 2011. It was produced and published by Square Enix, and forms part of the Fabula Nova Crystallis Final Fantasy subseries. The original PSP game was not released outside Japan, and relevant information for its localized HD remaster Final Fantasy Type-0 HD has been given its own article. The article was nominated for and passed GA review in September of this year. It has undergone copyedits from multiple editors, all references are as clearly formatted as possible and archived using sites that enable the archived pages to work as best as possible. I feel that this article is ready to be submitted to FA review. ProtoDrake (talk) 10:06, 6 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Mike Christie
editWhat is meant by "to-scale environments"?- Sorry, I still don't get this. You mean the relative size of the characters to the environment was the same as in Final Fantasy XII? Were the characters abnormally big or small, or something like that? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Tried my best here. I was using the successful FAC edits for Final Fantasy XIII-2 as a reference. Also saw the thing in the lead, and fixed that. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:22, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've struck this, since it's clear now, but I'm curious to know why this would even be mentioned. Do most games not have a lifelike scale? I'd have thought this was universal. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:10, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Tried my best here. I was using the successful FAC edits for Final Fantasy XIII-2 as a reference. Also saw the thing in the lead, and fixed that. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:22, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Sorry, I still don't get this. You mean the relative size of the characters to the environment was the same as in Final Fantasy XII? Were the characters abnormally big or small, or something like that? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is a Trinity Attack the same thing as a Triad Maneuver?"the game features recurring monsters in the series such as Cactuar, Malboro and Tonberry": I don't think the names are worth giving without a little more data or at least a link to a description. A reader who knows nothing about the game doesn't gain anything from just the names. Can you add a couple of words of description of either their appearance or typical behaviour to each one, as you did with chocobos and moogles?"the summons are dismissed" and "each summon has variants": these read oddly to me -- you're using "summon" as a noun, meaning the war god summoned. Wouldn't it be more natural to say "the summoned gods are dismissed" and "Each summoned god has variants"?What does "canonically, they refuse" mean?- It was "canonically" that I didn't understand. I understand what canonical means in the context of a complex imaginary world, but I don't see how that's a relevant usage here. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Dealt with. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- It was "canonically" that I didn't understand. I understand what canonical means in the context of a complex imaginary world, but I don't see how that's a relevant usage here. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is it "Vermillion" or "Vermilion"? You have both spellings for "Vermilion Bird". The English word is "vermilion", but a quick web search makes me think that the game uses two "l"s.- Struck, but FYI the underlying article for Vermilion Bird is spelt with one "L"; shouldn't that be moved? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Since the game uses an alternate spelling to the most common one, it seemed better to just underlay the game's spelling with the link to the article rather than go through the rather long process of moving it, then changing the spelling used in the article, then going through Wikipedia pages correcting links. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- OK; not relevant to the FAC. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Since the game uses an alternate spelling to the most common one, it seemed better to just underlay the game's spelling with the link to the article rather than go through the rather long process of moving it, then changing the spelling used in the article, then going through Wikipedia pages correcting links. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Struck, but FYI the underlying article for Vermilion Bird is spelt with one "L"; shouldn't that be moved? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
You have "mortally wounded" twice within a couple of sentences."Gala uses his army to wipe out humanity the moment the conflict among the nations ends and create a flood of souls to break it open": I don't follow this. What creates the flood of souls? What breaks open?"Unveiled at E3 2006": what is E3?- OK; I suggest putting "(E3)" in parentheses after "Electronic Entertainment Expo" so you can use the abbreviation later in the article. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Done. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- OK; I suggest putting "(E3)" in parentheses after "Electronic Entertainment Expo" so you can use the abbreviation later in the article. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
What is a "numbered game"?- That's certainly clearer, but now I wonder about "mainline" -- does that have a technical meaning? Can you just say "equivalent to a console title", or does that omit some shade of meaning? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The whole point of that statement was that it was equivalent to a mainline numbered Final Fantasy. To leave that out could make it equivalent to something like Dirge of Cerberus or suchlike. Since I couldn't use the direct quote, I did my best with paraphrasing without going into a long-winded explanation. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's fine, but I'm just wondering about the word "mainline". I've never seen it used in the way you're using it. Is it standard jargon in the gaming industry? Are you using it to mean that Type-0 is a branch off the main Final Fantasy game tree, and mainline refers to something that is not a branch? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've done my best with that. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That looks good now. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:10, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've done my best with that. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's fine, but I'm just wondering about the word "mainline". I've never seen it used in the way you're using it. Is it standard jargon in the gaming industry? Are you using it to mean that Type-0 is a branch off the main Final Fantasy game tree, and mainline refers to something that is not a branch? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The whole point of that statement was that it was equivalent to a mainline numbered Final Fantasy. To leave that out could make it equivalent to something like Dirge of Cerberus or suchlike. Since I couldn't use the direct quote, I did my best with paraphrasing without going into a long-winded explanation. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's certainly clearer, but now I wonder about "mainline" -- does that have a technical meaning? Can you just say "equivalent to a console title", or does that omit some shade of meaning? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"In contrast, due to technical restrictions, the game's artificial intelligence for playable characters needed to be limited to healing, survival and other minor actions." Why "in contrast"? What's the contrast with the preceding sentence"?"Consequently, the final story was darker": why "consequently"?"After the game's release, Tabata commented that he would have liked to be more thorough when writing the story, along with making it easier for players to understand." I don't think this quite works. How about: "After the game's release, Tabata commented that when he was writing the story he would have liked to have been more thorough, and to have made the story easier for players to understand."?- The first paragraph of the Music section needs copyediting. I'll come back to it after I've completed the review and see if I can clean it up.
"The album reached #25 in the Oricon charts and remained for seven weeks": how about "The album stayed on the Oricon charts for seven weeks, reaching a high of #25"?""Zero" was released on October 19, 2011. It was released as a single instead of being part of the main soundtrack, receiving both a limited and standard edition. The single reached #2 in the charts and remained for thirty-two weeks": it's not clear if this is a Japanese or US release and chart.After reading more of the article it looks like the game has not been released outside Japan. If that's so, perhaps a statement to that effect could be added to the lead. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 17:20, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I assue the tracklists are sourced from the CD releases, which is fine. Is there anything in the tracklist that is not sourced from the CDs? E.g. the literal translations?
"ensure the product's quaity" is a clumsy phrase. Can we be more direct? I assume the intended meaning is something like "because there will still bugs left to fix"."During its development, Tabata stated he was trying to appeal to North American players in the direction of the game". I don't follow this. I assume we're talking about the collectors' editon; what does "in the direction of the game" mean? What about the collectors' edition was intended to appeal to North Americans?"Despite a localization being confirmed as in development in the game's Ultimania": what is Ultimania?What is the Vita? A game platform? Can it be linked?I found the paragraph about the fan translation confusing, and I think it's because you give the information in the order that fans became aware of it -- first the translation, then the cease-and-desist, and then the backstory. Can you give the information in the underlying chronological order, instead? I think that would make it easier to follow.- Much better. What does the last sentence add? Isn't that already implied by the take down date and the statement that the take down followed the request from Square Enix? That sentence earlier said that the takedown occurred after the announcement of Type-0 HD; did you intend to change the meaning when you cut that phrase? It now says the takedown occurred in the weeks following "its" release, which in this context can only refer to the fan translation. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's a little clearer. Am I right in thinking that the connection to Type-0 HD is that since that was going to be translated into English for official release, the fan translation would interfere with sales, so Square Enix wanted it stopped? If so, is there a source we can use to say that? If not, it's fine as is. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- There wasn't any information anywhere surrounding the exact reasons surrounding their exchanges, only speculation. Square Enix did not and has not commented on the story.
- OK, struck. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:10, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- There wasn't any information anywhere surrounding the exact reasons surrounding their exchanges, only speculation. Square Enix did not and has not commented on the story.
- That's a little clearer. Am I right in thinking that the connection to Type-0 HD is that since that was going to be translated into English for official release, the fan translation would interfere with sales, so Square Enix wanted it stopped? If so, is there a source we can use to say that? If not, it's fine as is. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Much better. What does the last sentence add? Isn't that already implied by the take down date and the statement that the take down followed the request from Square Enix? That sentence earlier said that the takedown occurred after the announcement of Type-0 HD; did you intend to change the meaning when you cut that phrase? It now says the takedown occurred in the weeks following "its" release, which in this context can only refer to the fan translation. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:47, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I would link (and parenthetically explain) Type-0 HD at first occurrence."Ace, Mog, Machina and other members of Class Zero": Mog has not been mentioned before, and as far as I can see is not a member of Class Zero.- I've already sorted this. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"supervised by Tetsuya Nomura": I'm not sure what supervised means here. Can this just be cut? Or is it an important piece of information about the manga?The novel adaptations are described a little clunkily. How about doing it like this (you'd have to move the sources around): "Square Enix released two novel adaptations, in April and June 2012, depicting an alternate version of Type-0's story: [first title] and [second title]." And is there any reason the authors of the novels are not named?"It was also the store's best-selling PSP title of the year, after Monster Hunter Portable 3rd and Dissidia 012 Final Fantasy." If it was the best-selling title, why is it "after" any other title?"praised the game's volume": what does "volume" mean here? It sounds like it might be standard terminology in game reviews; perhaps there's a link you could add?- You still have one use of "volume" left. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Done it.
- You still have one use of "volume" left. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Is PlayStation Lifestyle a title? If it's a magazine it should be italicized. Is there a suitable target link?What does it mean to say the camera "easily caught on the environment"?I found the first paragraph of the Legacy section difficult to follow. I think it's because it covers several unrelated facts without any narrative connective tissue; I kept thinking a sentence was going to be a continuation of the information in the previous sentence, and it would turn out to be about a different fact. This is difficult to fix. You could try splitting this into separate paragraphs for unrelated items of information, but a couple of the paragraphs would be just one sentence. A bullet list is usually a bad idea in a prose article. Do all these snippets of information really need to be here? Are any of them really just trivia, or would they be better placed in other articles?"Its service is due to end on November 30, 2015": what does "service" mean here?- Better, but if it's going to be taken offline, then it's presumably an online game, so can we say that? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've done my best with that. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Better, but if it's going to be taken offline, then it's presumably an online game, so can we say that? Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:51, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"eight-generation": should this be "eighth-generation"?The first couple of sentences of the second paragraph of "Legacy" have three forms of "develop" close together; can we rephrase one of them?"After Type-0 's release, Tabata stated in an interview that he wished to explore the distant history of Orience after being freed of its cycle": need to be rephrased; as it stands "Tabata" is the subject of "freed"."He hopes to continue": I see why you switched to present tense, but I think it's a mistake. I'd suggest either adding an "as of" statement if you want to leave it in present tense, or changing it to reported speech and past tense: "he said that he hoped" or something like that.
-- I'm done with a first pass. I'd like to do some more copyediting but I'll hold off till some of the above points are addressed. And of course please revert if any of the copyedits I've made so far have screwed anything up. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 18:37, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Mike Christie: I've done my best to address all the issues you raised, and done some copyediting on the first paragraph of the music section. The tracklist thing was done using translations found on VGMdb (which includes localized titles, translated titles, and Japanese). Most of the work was done by another editor, and since VGMdb is not a favored source, I didn't include it. The plot problems I've tried to smooth out as best as I can, but I fear it's an issue with the plot not being very clear in the first place. I've also done some work on the "Legacy" section, trimming out a couple of things and trying to make it flow a little better. I also did some expanding on the fan translation, getting things in order and such. Looking forward to a second runthrough. --ProtoDrake (talk) 19:46, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll let the source reviewer comment on VGMdb; for the data on what's on the CDs I think it might be OK, since it's not exactly controversial; for the translations I would guess it's not a reliable source. But let's see what others think. The music paragraph is improved. I'll do another copyedit pass after you're taken care of the odds and ends remaining, but I think it's looking better now. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:54, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Mike Christie: I've done what I could. For those points that either need more discussion or have been fixed as best as they could within the restrictions of the sources, I've left comments. One minor thing: I thought I'd fixed the Ultimania thing you mention. I changed it to a guidebook interview without being more specific. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've struck some more points. Just a couple left, plus the translation question which we'll have to leave to the source reviewer. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've done my best with the few points remaining. The fan translation issue is a little messy from the start, and as I didn't want to include speculation, there are some gaps in the information. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Looking good. I'll do another copyedit pass, probably this evening. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 12:10, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've done my best with the few points remaining. The fan translation issue is a little messy from the start, and as I didn't want to include speculation, there are some gaps in the information. --ProtoDrake (talk) 11:18, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've struck some more points. Just a couple left, plus the translation question which we'll have to leave to the source reviewer. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:07, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Mike Christie: I've done what I could. For those points that either need more discussion or have been fixed as best as they could within the restrictions of the sources, I've left comments. One minor thing: I thought I'd fixed the Ultimania thing you mention. I changed it to a guidebook interview without being more specific. --ProtoDrake (talk) 08:52, 26 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll let the source reviewer comment on VGMdb; for the data on what's on the CDs I think it might be OK, since it's not exactly controversial; for the translations I would guess it's not a reliable source. But let's see what others think. The music paragraph is improved. I'll do another copyedit pass after you're taken care of the odds and ends remaining, but I think it's looking better now. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 23:54, 25 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
A few more points on a second read through:
"The plot of Type-0 is the same in its original version and the high-definition remaster". Is "the high-definition remaster" the same thing as "Type-0 HD", first mentioned later in the article? If so, I'd make this something like "The plot of Type-0 is the same in its original version and in Final Fantasy Type-0 HD, the high-definition remaster", and link FFT0HD.- Done. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Choosing to halt Tempus Finis, Class Zero also travel there." What does "choosing" mean? "Intending"?- Fixed, I think. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure there's anything you can do about this, but I thought "l'Cie" had an initial upper-case I, not a lower-case L. It was only when I noticed "a l'Cie" that I realized it had to be an L. I'm sure other readers will be similarly mistaken, but I don't see how to make it clearer.- Actually, that's how it's spelt. In the XIII games and Type-0, the word uses a lower-case "l". So sorry, that was the developers, not me. I thought it would be better to remain true as far as possible, even to the slightly silly terminology. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Severely weakened by the trials, and seeing Machina and Rem's condition, Class Zero are unable to defeat the Arbiter. Machina and Rem's spirits give them the strength they need to defeat the Arbiter and halt Tempus Finis." The second sentence directly contradicts the first. Do you mean something like "and demoralized by seeing M & R's condition, Class Zero are initially unable to ..."?- Done. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"who have returned to human form and allowed to remember the dead along with the rest of Orience": assuming that this means that the rest of Orience is also allowed to remember the dead, I'd make this "who have returned to human form and, along with the rest of Orience, allowed to remember the dead".- Done --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The last sentence of the Plot section is uncited.- Dealt with. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"...and to make it available in its entirety upon release as opposed to an episodic release. Developers had been planning a release on..." Can we eliminate one of these uses of "release"? Perhaps "planning to develop a version for"?- Done. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The third paragraph of the Development section gives no dates other than "Later", and then gives a 2011 date followed by a 2009 date. Can this paragraph be reworked a little to get things into chronological order?
- Sorted, I think. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The fourth paragaph of Development is a bit of a jumble of disconnected factoids. Some at least is clearly worth keeping, but perhaps belongs elsewhere -- for example, could the note about limitations on the AI be put into a footnote on the first mention of AI in the gameplay section? Whatever you leave here should read like a connected description.
- Did my best with this. Might still need a little work in its present form. I also found that I'd made a massive bobo concerning the multiplayer, so I found an appropriate reference and corrected it. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- That's a huge improvement. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:53, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Did my best with this. Might still need a little work in its present form. I also found that I'd made a massive bobo concerning the multiplayer, so I found an appropriate reference and corrected it. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
"Ishimoto asked the opinions of both Tabata and Nomura regarding its concept and genre, while basing the music around themes of war, life and death." This is really too close to the original: "I asked for Tabata's and Nomura's opinions regarding concept and genre... The overall music themes for the game are war, life, and death." Since he doesn't say what Tabata and Nomura told him, I think you can cut this sentence, and make the next sentence "Ishimoto gave the music a dark and heavy feel, describing the themes as "war, life, and death", ...".- Dealt with. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'm still not crazy about the sentence about the delay. Can you use this to flesh it out a little more?- Did it, and expanded it within reason.
-- Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 01:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Mike Christie: I've done my best to address everything. I await further comments. Oh, and to a much earlier point about specifying character-to-environment sizes, there are actually RPGs today that use skewered scales. And since this game also used a world map, I thought it needed mentioning. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:24, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- OK, I can understand mentioning it in that case. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:53, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Support. All my concerns have been addressed. Note to the coords: I only looked at a couple of sources, and found one case where the phrasing was a little too close to the original, so a source spot check would be a good idea if this gets close to promotion. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:53, 27 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Kiyoshiendo
editComment: This article is a bit long, isn't it? I couldn't imagine reading through this all in one sitting, unless I was really into the game. Are there sections we can trim a little bit to make the article more summary? --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 18:32, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The article was even longer when it included information about Type-0 HD. I admit that it is large, but it would be difficult trimming it down further than it has been without missing out some of the cited development information. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:42, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- You know, I was just thinking about that. Bastion (video game) also has a lot of information, though it's short enough to skim through without being fatigued. It has FA status, and is one of the newer inductees. We can scrutinise the article for necessary information, especially around the plot and character sections. An article like Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (GA status) has necessary information without going too into detail. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 19:17, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I looked at it, and I managed to trim down the plot section considerably. The gameplay section, I feel, is as small as it can sensibly get. I've also done some alteration work to the development section to make it less of a continuous read. --ProtoDrake (talk) 20:23, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- It really is shorter now, thank you. It now appears to me the weakest portion is the release section. Is it necessary to create a new article for the fan translation patch? If there's enough meat surrounding it, it would make for a fine new article (another day another story). --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 20:45, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- All that's there is all I could find. And it's odd, you asking for it to be trimmed or something. The reviewer above asked for a bit of elaboration. I've also done some trimming to other parts of the release section. I guess I can have another look when I've finished with the set of comments below to see if it can't be trimmed further. --ProtoDrake (talk) 20:52, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- For what it's worth, I think the release section is reasonably sized. If it were expanded, I would suggest to split it and the development section into their own article, but right now it seems fine to me. The synopsis section, however, I do have trouble with. ~Mable (chat) 20:59, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- All that's there is all I could find. And it's odd, you asking for it to be trimmed or something. The reviewer above asked for a bit of elaboration. I've also done some trimming to other parts of the release section. I guess I can have another look when I've finished with the set of comments below to see if it can't be trimmed further. --ProtoDrake (talk) 20:52, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- It really is shorter now, thank you. It now appears to me the weakest portion is the release section. Is it necessary to create a new article for the fan translation patch? If there's enough meat surrounding it, it would make for a fine new article (another day another story). --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 20:45, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I looked at it, and I managed to trim down the plot section considerably. The gameplay section, I feel, is as small as it can sensibly get. I've also done some alteration work to the development section to make it less of a continuous read. --ProtoDrake (talk) 20:23, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- You know, I was just thinking about that. Bastion (video game) also has a lot of information, though it's short enough to skim through without being fatigued. It has FA status, and is one of the newer inductees. We can scrutinise the article for necessary information, especially around the plot and character sections. An article like Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door (GA status) has necessary information without going too into detail. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 19:17, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Maplestrip
editOh my God, this is a long article. *ahem* I didn't actually read any of the above comments, so excuse me if I repeat comments made by other people. Very few of these comments are actually big issues, and a lot are probably more like "I would do it this way instead," so take everything with a grain of salt ^_^ Maplastrip/Mable
Wouldn't it be "the PlayStation Portable"? The lack of the word "the" in this sentence seems jarring to me. NOTE: Later on, "the PSP" is used frequently.The second sentence of the article, noting its release date, seems awfully short. It could be combined with the sentence following it like ". Released in Japan in October 27, 2011, Type-0 is..." It's hardly important, though, and a short sentence might actually be easier for the reader."PSP" is used near the end of the lead, but it has never been established that this initialism stands for the PlayStation Portable."Hajime Tabata" can be wikilinked in the lead section."Further games related to Type-0 have also been developed, but the original game was never released outside Japan." – How are these two statements related? Have these "further games" been released outside of Japan? Is it supposed to be surprising that game that has never been released outside of Japan got sequels? (because that simply isn't true)"...navigated via a world map and..." – how about making it "...navigated via both a world map and..."? I was confused, thinking the world-map itself was a lifelike scale."...to freely navigate the world map after defeating..." – not really important, but how about "...to freely navigate the world map with after defeating...""New Game+" can be wikilinked."There is no limit placed on how many times..." – is the lack of this limit notable? I think this phrase can be removed.First use of "magic points" can be wikilinked (Magic (gaming) is the page, Magic point redirects)- There is a "Plot" subsection in the "Synopsis" section. It also seems incredibly large, which I suppose makes sense for a Final Fantasy game, but it really is too long in my opinion. In combination with the gameplay section, the in-universe content makes up a huge wall of text. I won't push too much on this point as I am usually rather strict on in-universe content, but I highly recommend another trim...
"The decision to make it a mobile game..." – at this point, I was not aware that it was originally supposed to be released for mobile phones, making this section confusing. I assumed it meant the PSP with "mobile," but this was not the case."Agito XIII was decided upon after..." – I forgot how this sentence started when I reached the end and had to read the beginning again."Kosei Ito, the producer of Before Crisis, was also originally involved" – why did he leave this project? What role did he play? If any of this information is known, of course.- "It began development the same year" felt weird to me, as it seemed to me that the game was already in development; thus its unveiling at E3. I suppose it is possible for a game not to be in development when it is unveiled, but it is usually assumed that it is.
"Agito XIII was described as an online RPG with a "massive" plot." – this does not seem like something that has changed or would be considered improbably for a mobile game."It was intended to have fully rendered 3D graphics similar to console games" is worth stating, but the "massive plot" aspect seems like a given to me."Other concepts being developed..." – were these concepts implemented in the final game, or did they not survive the change in platform?"...mobile version of the game as they did not..." – unspecific "they"; use "the developers" or something similar instead."The name was later changed..." – specific year for this? It is a very unclear "later," see it would be interesting if it was "between 2009 and 2011," for example.- Could "weight of life" be wikilinked to some ethics-related article? It seems like a common concept in ethics, though I don't know the article for it.
"a offshore Japanese island he had visited" – grammar mistake in first word. Also, when did he visit this island? Currently, it reads as if he visited this island specifically for the game, perhaps during his time at the military."He also used an incident where..." – did he literally portray this aspect of the game with a dead cat surrounded by other cars, or did this experience influence this aspect of the game? (I haven't checked the source on this, but I assume the latter is meant)"Despite the title being for the PSP, the team did not want to hold back..." – I assume the reason the team could have "held back" would be because of hardware limitations, but the current phrasing makes it seem like they "did not hold back" from "recording a quantity of tracks unusual for a spin-off Final Fantasy title" instead. Is this correct? If so, what does the fact that it is on the PSP got to do with it?"They were brought in after the platform move onto PSP" – Inconsistent lack of "the" ("The PSP")."...the band were able to..." – "band" is singular, thus: "...the band was able to..." Mistake is repeated later on in this section."...under the catalog number SQEX-10281~3." – are catalog numbers relevant in prose? Is there a better place for this data?"...in an standard edition, and a limited edition..." – the words "as well as" might fit here better than "and"."It received both physical and digital releases." – though obviously referring to the game, placing suggests it was the soundtrack that got physical and digital releases. Therefore, "the game received both..." Seeing as the sentence is really short, it could easily be combined with the first sentence of the paragraph. Might improve flow.Ultimania is a series of guidebooks by Square Enix, but here it is implied that it is some form of synonym to "official guidebook", which is incorrect.Tsutaya can be wikilinked to Culture Convenience Club- Fair use of images is in order, I really like the use of Japanese-language notes, and the external links and boxes below it are all very nicely implemented.
- I haven't checked on the sources. I did not notice anything problematic, but that doesn't mean a thing.
This article is definitely Featured class and I would already support it, but seeing as how many small things I have mentioned, I'll wait for most of those to be resolved. Very few of these actually stand in the way, though. Amazing work on this article, it is incredible! ~Mable (chat) 20:36, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've addressed all the issues above, as best as I can. As to the plot section, they're usually that big or bigger in GA and FA Final Fantasy articles. Responding to above comments form Kiyoshiendo, I have already trimmed it down to about two thirds of what it was. I can't really trim it any further without compromising its accuracy in some way. --ProtoDrake (talk) 21:43, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I am very fond of how you improved the article. I've just noticed a small grammar mistake in "The soundtrack was released in an standard edition," which I missed earlier, but other than that, I give a very strong support to this becoming a Featured Article! Great work ^_^ ~Mable (chat) 21:57, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I think we're ready to vote for a promotion. Support, based on Protodrake's strong editing and the more pallatable length while still having as much encyclopedic information. --Kiyoshiendo (talk) 21:58, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I am very fond of how you improved the article. I've just noticed a small grammar mistake in "The soundtrack was released in an standard edition," which I missed earlier, but other than that, I give a very strong support to this becoming a Featured Article! Great work ^_^ ~Mable (chat) 21:57, 30 October 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from Rhain1999 on sources
editI looked at this version. I checked sources 1–8, 10–11, 14–23, 44–50, 56–64, 67–72, 75–77, 79–85, 89, 92–97, 101–102, 104–107, 110, 112–118, 120–121, 123–124, and 126–129.
I only found a few problems:
- Source 4 is dead. Switch "deadurl" to "yes".
- Source 11 is used to support "The game world of Orience is navigated via both a world map and environments built on a lifelike scale relative to the human characters". This isn't mentioned in the source; in fact, the word "Orience" doesn't even seem to appear in the source.
- Source 80 is dead.
- Source 86 is dead.
- Source 89 is dead.
- Source 96 and Source 97 are used to support "The patch was initially announced for an August 2015 release". This isn't mentioned in either of the sources, although Source 97 mentions that it was announced for a release on 8 August 2014; perhaps this is just a typo in the article.
- Source 102 is dead.
- Source 125 and Source 126 are used to support that Final Fantasy Type-0 HD was "Developed by Square Enix and HexaDrive". I can't find any mention of HexaDrive in the sources (although this may be due to translation issues, as Source 125 is written in Japanese).
Everything else I looked at is good. Bonus points for archiving. – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 09:45, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I've sorted out the issues you pointed out, I think. The Fan Translation thing was a typo on my part. The Hexa ref was also a mistake on my part, now corrected. --ProtoDrake (talk) 10:36, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I figured this was the case. I just took another look; everything checks out. Support on sources. – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 10:41, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- @Rhain1999: Many thanks. --ProtoDrake (talk) 14:16, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- I figured this was the case. I just took another look; everything checks out. Support on sources. – Rhain1999 (talk to me) 10:41, 6 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- Closing note: This candidate has been promoted, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Graham Beards (talk) 23:56, 14 November 2015 (UTC)[reply]
- The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.