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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Henry Macandrew/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 7 August 2024 [1].

Henry Macandrew

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Nominator(s): Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 14:34, 14 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

One of the most successful cavalry commanders of the First World War, Sir Henry Macandrew would probably be more widely known if he hadn't accidentally killed himself in a pyjama-related explosion a year after the war ended. A British Indian Army officer, he fought in the Tirah campaign and Boer War before making his greatest impact commanding a division on the Western Front and in the Middle East. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 14:34, 14 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Drive-by comments from SC

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This breaches a few parts of the MOS without seemingly good reasons for doing so, and it would be best if you ensured it's MOS compliant before the reviews start rolling in. The points that caught my eye on a very quick look include:

  • A five para lead (MOS:LEADLENGTH says four at most and an article of this size, is suggests, should be two or three): Four would be acceptable, but not five.
  • Shortened.
  • WP:CITEBUNDLE is probably advisable for the places with four citations, and probably those with three
  • I couldn't figure out how to bundle, something I haven't done before, without breaking a lot of ref templates. I've split out the groups of 3 and 4 references instead.
  • There are two block quotes in the Post war section that shouldn't be block quote – they should be inline as they are less than forty words, but ...
  • Changed.
  • ... they should adhere to WP:ELLIPSIS in regard to the spacing.
  • Changed.

I'll try to return with a full review later. Cheers – SchroCat (talk) 15:01, 14 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

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  • Suggest adding alt text
  • Added.
  • File:Henry_John_Milnes_MacAndrew.png: when and where was this first published and what is the author's date of death?
  • Author died in 1952.
  • Ditto File:Major_General_H_J_MacAndrew_mounted.jpg
  • File:Palestine-WW1-3.jpg: source link is dead
  • I have added the archive link.

Prose review by Generalissima

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  • Shortened lede looks good.
  • Macandrew was awarded the India Medal with two clasps and mentioned in despatches This reads as if the medal was mentioned in despatches, which I don't think is the intention; I think was mentioned in despatches and awarded the India Medal with two clasps. would be more clear
  • Done.
  • Macandrew continued in India I know this is technically correct, but it made me think a word was missing. "Continued serving" might be better.
  • Done.
  • Serving in Kitchener's Horse, from February he operated in the Orange Free State. This sentence seems like it'd be clearer if the clauses were reversed; Beginning in February, he operated in the Orange Free State with Kitchener's Horse.
  • Done.

Comments by Wehwalt

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  • "the Inverness College". The link here is something of an easter egg, since I don't see the words "Inverness College" in the article linked.
  • I have added a sentence in the article to make the connection.
  • "On 22 November 1889 he was admitted to the Bengal Staff Corps, having completed his probationary period, as a lieutenant and continued with the 5th Bengal Cavalry.[1][4]" I would move "as a lieutenant" to after "Corps", otherwise it seems a bit ambiguous (given he was already a lieutenant).
  • Done.
  • "Macandrew served as brigade transport officer to Brigadier-General Alfred Gaselee's 2nd Brigade" Can we cut the first "brigade"
  • Done.
  • "when he travelled to South Africa to fight in the Boer War." This implies a choice on his part, that he chose to do this rather than being sent. Is this right?
  • The sources don't stipulate one way or the other, it is likely this was an order rather than voluntary. I've changed the wording to make it a bit less wishy washy.
  • I notice time is expressed in this article are given as a.m. and p.m. Given this is a military article, should that be on the 24 hour clock?
  • Liable to confuse some readers I think; the sources also use this format.
  • "surrounding of Damascus " Is "surrounding" the proper term, or something like encirclement?
  • Changed to encirclement, which is what the source actually uses.
That's it.--Wehwalt (talk) 20:04, 16 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@Wehwalt: Hi, thank you for the review! I've responded above. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 22:10, 16 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Support Wehwalt (talk) 22:44, 16 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Matarisvan

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Hi Pickersgill-Cunliffe, my comments: I was one of the reviewers at A Class and found the article to be very well written. The only issue I have is the presence of a Dates of rank section. The images of the badges of the ranks can cause issues, since the British Army has presumably not released copyright over these. The other problem is that we already mention his promotions in chronological order in the Career section, so adding a Dates of rank section is just a summarization. You already know this, and you included such a section on a trial basis, so you should see what the other reviewers have to say on this. Ian Rose and Zawed can best help out on this, you can tag them and check out what they have to say. The article overall is in a very good condition, and I can support for promotion to FA class after we have comments from other reviewers on the aforementioned issue. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 03:30, 16 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Matarisvan: Hi, I've removed the offending section; if any other reviewers have opinions on it then I'd be interested to hear them, but this isn't a hill I'm even vaguely interested in dying on! Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 22:13, 16 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Also, you need to add a link for the Belfast Newsletter reference. Would this link work fine: [2]? I think it will. I took it from the discussion with Dumelow you had linked on the A Class review. Matarisvan (talk) 05:40, 17 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
My explanation from the ACR is still true. The link would need to be provided by someone with a BNA subscription, which I do not have and has lapsed for the editor who added it. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 09:53, 17 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Could you check out the text of the URL? I don't think the link for the article given by a BNA subscriber would be any different from the one posted here. You could ask someone with a BNA subscription to open this link and check out if it loads correctly. Otherwise the URL text reveals as much. Matarisvan (talk) 17:33, 18 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I think you're probably right. Added link. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 17:36, 18 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Happy to support for promotion to FA class. Congratulations on the great article, once it gets promoted it will be the 3rd FA from the Indian milhist category after a long time. Matarisvan (talk) 19:37, 18 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Source review

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Hi Pickersgill-Cunliffe, setting this up as a placeholder, will do the review tomorrow if that is ok. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 18:50, 31 July 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Pickersgill-Cunliffe Here goes:

  • Suggest adding archive URLs for:

Refs #2, #12, #16, #24, #26, #29, #46, #100, #102, #104, #105 and Robbins 2001.

  • #27, #47, 83, #98, #106: all ok.

Only archive URLs are needed here, once that is done then the source review is a pass.

Would you consider using Cite journal or Cite news instead? Then you can use archive URLs. I understand it would take some time and the London Gazette website will never go down, but prudence never hurts. Matarisvan (talk) 15:30, 5 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
I honestly don't believe that to really be necessary, but will do it if you think it essential! Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 20:30, 6 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Nvm, as I said before, the London Gazette website will never go down. The source review is a pass then. Cheers Matarisvan (talk) 14:40, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Drive-by comments

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  • "Macandrew was given command of the 5th Bengal Cavalry, in 1914". Is the comma necessary?
  • Nope, not entirely sure why I put it there!
  • "leading it during the Battle of the Somme and Battle of Cambrai". Should there also be a definite article before "Battle of Cambrai"?
  • Done.
  • "including at the Capture of Damascus and Battle of Aleppo." Similarly.
  • Done.
  • "... as General Staff Officer Grade 1 of the 1st Indian Cavalry Division. Soon afterwards he was promoted to become Brigadier-General General Staff for ..." Per MOS:JOBTITLE, both ranks should have lower-case initial letters.
  • Had caught these in the main text but apparently not the lede! Fixed.

Gog the Mild (talk) 19:23, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Gog the Mild: Hi, thanks for helping me clean up those errors! Responses above. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 19:27, 7 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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