Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Kauri gum/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 03:26, 27 May 2011 [1].

Kauri gum

Featured article candidates/Kauri gum/archive1

Nominator(s): CrowzRSA 16:34, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because I feel that it has enough information and meets the criteria. CrowzRSA 16:34, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Not yet on prose per standard disclaimer. - Dank (push to talk)

The first paragraph is: "Kauri gum is a fossilized resin detracted from kauri trees and used for chewing, tattooing, and was often made into jewellery. Kauri forests, which contain Kauri trees, once covered most of the upper the New Zealand North Island. Māori and European settlers caused deforestation, with several areas reverting to sand dunes, scrubs, or swamps. Despite this, the ancient kauri fields continued to provide a source for the gum, as well as the remaining forests."
"detracted": It's not listed in the usual dictionaries in this sense.
"kauri", "Kauri": consistency
"used for chewing, tattooing, and was often made ...": nonparallel
"Kauri forests, which contain Kauri trees": redundant
"the upper the New Zealand": nope.
"with ... reverting": FAC reviewers generally don't like "with" in this sense.
"reverting": reverting means returning to a previous state; were they previously sand dunes etc., or were they forest?
"Despite this": "this" dangles (see WP:Checklist#dangling).
"as well as" also dangles.
I see the main contributor to this page has been gone for a couple of years, but see if they're willing to help out on this one. - Dank (push to talk) 16:48, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed everything CrowzRSA 17:03, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I'm afraid that you haven't and have made things slightly worse if anything. The opening sentence now says "Kauri gum is a fossilized resin detracted from kauri trees and used for chewing, tattooing, and were often made into jewellery." Malleus Fatuorum 17:09, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - I can't speak to comprehensiveness, but I have some serious concerns about the quality of prose in this article. From the lead alone: first sentence should use "extracted", not "detracted"; "used for chewing, tattooing, and was often made into jewellery" - grammar; "most of the upper the New Zealand North Island" - missing word(s)?; "Despite this, the ancient kauri fields continued to provide a source for the gum, as well as the remaining forests" - sentence is unclear, and "kauri" was previously capitalized; "resin from a kauri trees" - grammar; "eventually fossilising" - you earlier used the US spelling (with a "z"). I haven't checked the rest of the article, but if the lead is representative I would strongly urge you to seek out a good copy-editor. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:54, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

After edit conflict: I see Dank has raised most of these points already, so I'm redundant. In any event, I also see some measurements to be converted, further prose problems in the article body, and problems with reference formatting, to the extent that I would suggest you withdraw this nomination to give yourself more time to work. Nikkimaria (talk) 16:54, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. This article went through GAN only a couple of weeks ago, where the reviewer commented that "remember that this article isn't complete yet. To become an article of FA-class, this article can greatly benefit from a section about the modern uses of Kauri Gum (Gum collecting perhaps?)", which doesn't seem to have been taken on board. The article just appears to peter out around 1910, with no coverage at all of the modern-day significance (if any) of Kauri Gum. Added to which the prose needs some work. Here are some examples:

"There were six major export firms in Auckland who dealt in gum, employing several hundred workers who graded and rescraped the gum for export, packing them in cases made from kauri timber."

"Due to the damage caused to the trees by the cutting and otthe practice was banned in state forests in 1905."

"In 1898 the "Kauri Gum Industry Act" was passed, which reserved gum-grounds for British subjects, and requiring all other diggers to be licenced."

"... a longer spear (up to 8m) was often used, often fitted with a hooked end to scoop out the lumps. Scrub was often cleared first with fire; some got out of control and swamp fires could burn for weeks. Holes were often dug by teams in both hills and swamps ...".

Malleus Fatuorum 16:56, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.