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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Louis Leblanc/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 11:02, 13 March 2017 [1].

Louis Leblanc

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Nominator(s): Kaiser matias (talk) 17:52, 13 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

An ice hockey player who recently retired after a somewhat disappointing career. It's been a GA for a while, and now that he's retired there shouldn't be much effort to keep it at a high standard. Kaiser matias (talk) 17:52, 13 January 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

Thanks for the editing, always good to have someone else go through my writing and clean it up. As for the note about the parents and their work, I'm also struggling to come up with something better, so feel unless someone else knows a different way to saw that it isn't really something that matters for the time being. Kaiser matias (talk) 18:43, 12 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Leaning support. I'd suggest adding "As of 2010", and "As of 2013" to the statements about Leblanc's parents' jobs, and Leblanc's relationship with Wozniak. Other than that I think this is in good shape and expect to support once you make that change. I've copyedited; please revert anything I messed up. Mike Christie (talk - contribs - library) 11:52, 17 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed the wording, and thanks for the edits. Kaiser matias (talk) 14:08, 20 February 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Sturmvogel_66, including image & source review

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  • Keeping in mind that I know very little about ice hockey, I'll take a stab at this.
  • Two duplicate links. Installing this script will make it pretty easy to find them
  • Images appropriately licensed
  • External links OK.
  • The titles of some English-language refs are in title case, others in sentence case. Pick one or the other, preferably the former, as they're all titles.
  • Spotchecks support the citations.
  • Nothing jumped out at me regarding prose.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:49, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Took care of everything here. Kaiser matias (talk) 16:24, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Great, I'll wait until tonight to do a re-read to see if I spot any prose issues that I didn't catch on the first pass.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:55, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Prose is fine, but there are still a ton of articles that need to be put into title case; it doesn't matter if that's how the newspapers or websites did it themselves.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:05, 7 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
All taken care of. Kaiser matias (talk) 17:07, 7 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Moisejp

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General comments:

  • The lead mentions spells out and wiki-links various league names, such as United States Hockey League (USHL), Quebec Major Junior Hockey League (QMJHL), and American Hockey League (AHL). In the main text, United States Hockey League (USHL) is spelled out and wiki-linked on its first mention as one would expect. By contrast, QMJHL and AHL are not. I would suggest you spell these out and wiki-link them.
  • 2009 NHL Entry Draft and NHL Central Scouting have wiki-links, but it would probably be an idea to spell out and wiki-link NHL itself on its first mention?
  • The article seems to assume that the reader already knows the hierarchy of the leagues, and that the AHL is a developmental league for the NHL, and that the goal of players is to succeed in the NHL. Would it be an idea to somehow make this clearer for people less familiar with hockey? Moisejp (talk) 04:33, 10 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Junior:

  • "Canadiens General Manager Bob Gainey also applauded Leblanc's choice to move to the United States and play in the USHL rather than stay in Quebec with the QMJHL, considering it a more difficult choice for the sake of his development as a player, showing his good character." This sentence runs on quite long, with the final clause tagged on a little awkwardly. Consider breaking this up into two sentences, or using a semi-colon to break it up?
  • He forfeited his NCAA eligibility. Is there extra context that is implied? For example, that he would have otherwise considered continuing playing for Harvard while waiting to start playing for the Canadians? Or something along those lines?
  • The third paragraph in this section is confusing. First sentence: "On July 30, 2010, Leblanc signed a three-year contract with the Canadiens." Two-thirds down into the paragraph: "After attending his first training camp with the Canadiens in September 2010, Leblanc was sent back to the Juniors." Third sentence in the paragraph: "When Leblanc left Harvard, he joined the Montreal Junior Hockey Club of the QMJHL for the 2010–11 season." The wiki article for 2010–11 QMJHL season says it started in September 2010. So is this the Juniors that is mentioned two-thirds into the paragraph that he was sent back to? If so, why this order of events for the paragraph?
  • "His QMJHL rights had previously been owned by three different teams. Originally selected by Val-d'Or in the 2007 QMJHL Draft, the team traded him to the Chicoutimi Saguenéens on January 8, 2009.[10] His rights were traded again on June 5, 2010, when Chicoutimi sent him to the Juniors." Would the chronology be clearer if this was combined into the previous paragraph? Also, "selected by Val-d'Or in the 2007 QMJHL Draft" is already mentioned in the previous paragraph and is a bit repetitive here.
  • "He finished the 2010–11 season with 58 points in 51 games for the Juniors." It took me to figure out that that the Juniors was the nickname of the Montreal Junior Hockey Club. At first I thought it was just talking about the Junior League in general. If you rearrange the paragraph as i mentioned above, maybe it will also help to keep the context of the team's name clearer.
  • "the Blainville-Boisbriand Armada... would subsequently trade Leblanc to the Shawinigan Cataractes, though he never played for them." So he was under contract with the Montreal Canadiens, but he got traded from one junior team to another? That's a little confusing to me, and could be confusing to other readers as well.
  • Why didn't LeBlanc play for the Cataractes, and what were the circumstances of his move to the Hamilton Bulldogs? I see from the Hamilton Bulldogs wiki article that they are the affiliate team of the Canadiens. That seems important to mention.

I have quickly skimmed the rest of the article, and at first glance it seems to have fewer issues than the first part. If you resolve the issues in the first part of the article, I'll come back and look more closely at the rest. cheers, Moisejp (talk) 05:58, 10 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Syek88

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As Moisejp has commented substantially on the first half of the article, I'll focus on the second half. But like Moisejp, I'd reserve to myself the opportunity to look at the other half later.

  • What is a "two-way contract"? If it means no more than that the contract has two parties, it is just a "contract".
  • "Leblanc also had exams scheduled around the time of the camp." This is the first time we hear about a "camp"; the reference is unexplained.
  • "ranked fourth in team scoring" What does this mean? That he was the fourth top-scorer on his team?
  • I understand the point made by another reviewer above about tying some of the personal facts to 2010 and 2013. However, it screams "out of date". I think it might be better to drop the detailed information about the father's career in favour of a general description of his occupation. And anything other than a four-year-old note about Louis' relationship status would be better.
  • Like Syek88, I'm also not totally comfortable with the "As of" approach, but I didn't mention anything initially because I couldn't think of a good solution right away. But I would support you trying Syek88's suggestion and see if you can make that work. One other idea: Are there any sources that say his relationship with Aleksandra Wozniak started in 2013? Then you could say, "In 2013, Leblanc started a relationship with..." It would be ideal to maintain the article in the future and note any changes that may occur. But even if the article wasn't 100% maintained, at least "started" would sound less out of date than "as of... was". Moisejp (talk) 03:09, 12 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • This article does not say that he joined the Lac St Louis Lions at age 15. Further, unless I'm missing something, I can't verify from that source that he twice led the Triple-A league in scoring.
  • "Leblanc was the first francophone selected in the first round of the Entry Draft by the Canadiens" - the source says French-Quebecer, not francophone.

My current inclination is that this isn't at FA standard. I think there are issues with both prose (Moisejp's issues are largely along these lines) and accurate relaying of information in sources. The question is whether it can get there through this review process, and I'm not sure. Syek88 (talk) 20:21, 11 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note

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This nom has been open two months and it's concerning to see two new lists of issues being raised re. prose and referencing. I know it's a letdown after all this time but I think it best we archive this now to allow the outstanding points to be dealt with away from the pressure of the FAC process. The article can be renominated after a minimum two weeks has passed; I'd suggest discussing improvements made in that time with the reviewers above before bringing it back here. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 11:01, 13 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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