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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Odyssey Number Five/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted 01:26, 10 February 2008.

Odyssey Number Five

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Nominators: Dihydrogen Monoxide, Keilana

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User:Dihydrogen Monoxide (most of the work) and I (copyediting and referencing) are co-nominating this for FA status; it covers pretty much everything out there (that's important). Any constructive criticism will be acted on. Keilanatalk(recall) 01:03, 2 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Restart, old nom. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 18:00, 30 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent, thanks Sandy. Keilana|Parlez ici 19:23, 30 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Agreed, thanks. For the record, all Tony's comments on the previous page (link above) are being dealt with as a I speak (and should be done soon). dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 09:50, 31 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "the group's next album would be similar to Internationalist" - specify what Internationalist is (preceding album?), so as to avoid readers unfamiliar with the topic having to click on links to individual articles to fully understand the article.
  • "Powderfinger's efforts were not completely in vain" - sounds like an editorial comment, is there a source for it?
  • Reworded - [2].
  • "The music video for "My Happiness" also achieved some popularity" - "some popularity" is vague. If you mean the video started to be liked by the many people, it should be "The music video for "My Happiness" also gained/increased in popularity"
  • I removed that statement, unsourced etc. Not sure what the deal with it was. [3].
  • ""Waiting for the Sun" was written by Fanning as a devotional, gospel style song, stating that "It’s about being in a relationship and being really heavily happy with it."" - check grammar.
  • "received well by Ear Medicine" - Ear Medicine should be wikilinked or given some background (concerning what type of publication it is), as it appears a not-too-well-known website
  • It's not "notable", I've removed it. [5].
  • "was nominated for "Best Group" but failed to win" - delete "but failed to win", mention of the failure is not needed, if the article doesn't say it won the award, then readers know it didn't.

- PeaceNT (talk) 13:51, 2 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for taking the time to review. Cheers, dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 03:37, 3 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
:) A bit more stuff to consider:
  • "Powderfinger bassist John Collins hinted that the group's next album would be similar to the recently released Internationalist" - WP:RECENT issue; "recently released" is also inccorect in reported speech as the verb "hinted" is in the past tense. You could consider replacing it with "previous album", since this is the first time Internationalist is introduced in the article; then explanation for later mentions will not be needed.
  • How's this; [7]
  • "The band spent much of the time" - "much" is vague.
  • A few sentences before ref 28 need rechecking. e.g ""The Metre" spent one week on the ARIA Singles Chart, at #31."" Should it be "peaked at #31"? It appears from the source that the song peaked at #31, not spent the whole week at #31. (I'm not familiar with a music chart so my interpretation could be wrong; just tell me ;))
  • The way the chart works is that every week you get a "rank" - in this case, The Metre got the rank of #31 in that week, and never got another rank (according to the source). So saying that it peaked in a field of one (so to speak) would sound pretty odd. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 08:54, 4 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He ended the review by noting" - sounds a bit too detailed a description. Perhaps change to "He concluded by noting" or something.
  • Here we go; [9]
  • Concerning the Reception section, I'd prefer the previous order, it's strange to start the section with saying the album won numerical awards, then have a following paragraph beginning with "Odyssey Number Five mostly gained positive reviews,". More common way is to discuss the reviews first, then conclude the section with the awards achieved.
  • Article is a bit overlinked --> delink familiar terms like:love, manager, boxer, United States, Europe, record label
  • Dates in the refs are not consistent (e.g July 12, 2001; 2007-12-23)
- PeaceNT (talk) 10:00, 3 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Another thing: Is Devon Powers identified as a male reviewer? I think "Devon" could be a female name. :-? - PeaceNT (talk) 10:09, 3 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

done. dihydrogen monoxide (H20) 08:54, 4 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose on 1a grounds, grammar/punctuation, and OR issues. Some examples follow, but many sentences need complete rewriting due to incorrect grammar or clarity issues. Please have a copyeditor go over the whole article. The prose is not what I would call compelling or brilliant.
    • Grammar and punctuation examples. There are many spots where commas and semicolons are used incorrectly or awkwardly, or incorrect verb tenses are used. The following are some example, but please check the whole article:
      • "The album also featured, 'These Days', which topped..." Check comma usage.
      • There is a hyphen used in the lead where there should be an em dash.
      • "Many critics lauded the album as Powderfinger's best work with one stating the album was "the Finger's Crowning Glory," however others were critical of the "imitation" contained in the album." Grammar, punctuation.
      • "John Collins hinted that the group's next album would be similar to their previous album; Internationalist..." Punctuation.
      • Check punctuation in quotes throughout. There are some places where you've placed a period outside the end quote of a sentence, but if that sentence ended in a period I believe it is proper to place the period inside the end quote.
    • Prose examples:
      • The word "spawned" is too informal.
      • "The band spent this time ensuring high quality in the songs, something they had previously neglected in Internationalist, resulting in out of tune guitars on 'Passenger'." Rewrite for clarity. What does "high quality" mean? Artists don't do things "in" records, they do them "on" records. Out of tune guitars? This sounds like someone's POV. the band actually admit that their guitars were out of tune on the track, or was that some journalist's opinion?
      • "The focus of the album centered on restraint, with lyrics generally more simplistic than previously..."
      • "Like Powderfinger's previous album Internationalist, Odyssey Number Five discussed..." I don't think "discussed" is the right word choice here; an album doesn't discuss anything.
    • OR/sourcing examples:
      • "This success was assisted by the band appearing on Late Night with David Letterman, and by supporting Coldplay on tour." What is the source for this?
      • I have an issue with the "Oi" trilogy thing. Nowhere do you cite a source explaining that this was done on purpose or that there is any meaning behind it. The article Powderfinger's Oi Song Trilogy does not cite any sources. So, this is original research as it stands. You need at least one reliable source where someone has written about the trilogy and made some useful statements about why it is relevant.
      • "The song was heavy in political sentiment, akin to "The Day You Come" on Powderfinger's previous album, Internationalist. " Source? It is OR as it stands. --Laser brain (talk) 20:53, 9 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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