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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Quietly Confident Quartet/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by SandyGeorgia 19:30, 7 August 2010 [1].

Quietly Confident Quartet

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Nominator(s): YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 00:49, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about tht 1980 Australian men's medley swimming team that won gold at the Moscow Olympics. The Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser tried to get them to boycott and then wouldn't congratulate them until the media gave him a hard time about it. YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 00:49, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: While checking out the sources I came across this sentence:-

"Tonelli named the foursome the Quietly Confident Quartet as they exhibited a quiet confidence as they lined up for the race."

In the first place, the words "Quietly Confident Quartet" should be in quotes, rather than italicised. But the statement should be reworded, to avoid the clunking "quiet confidence" repeat. Perhaps "calm self-assurance"? And try to avoid "as ... as"

Thanks yes, I've fixed it YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 05:24, 31 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The sources look OK, no issues there. Brianboulton (talk) 09:10, 29 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Their victory remains the only occasion that the United States did not win the event at Olympic competition since its inception in 1960, coming with the Americans absent due to their boycott in protest of the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan. - This sentence gets the point across, but could be worded better.
  • Both were attending their second Olympics, while Peter Evans and Neil Brooks were 18 and 17 respectively and had never represented Australia at Commonwealth, World Championship or Olympic level. - at "the" Commonwealth... ceranthor 14:08, 31 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done thanks, YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 05:32, 2 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: Very good article, covers the topic thouroughly, especially the background to the event. Just a few points:

  • "in which he debated Reverend Lance Shilton": debated with?
  • "Australia was regarded as a medal chance, but were not seen as the main threats" by who?
  • You've given the government reaction. What about other reactions, for example the press, commentators, the public? Did people change their views after the event? Not a problem if the information doesn't exist. And how did people react to the government reaction? How did the press take Fraser's reaction? --Sarastro1 (talk) 19:13, 2 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I did the first two, but a trawl of the archives of the Sydney Morning Herald and The Age in the week after the event didn't yield any political comments YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 01:39, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Pity! --Sarastro1 (talk) 07:40, 3 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks, no offence taken at all YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 02:38, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments –

  • The lead is composed of one quite large paragraph. It leads me to wonder whether it should be split into two.
  • "all of the four swimmers...". Picky point, but I think "four" makes more sense following "all".
  • Personnel: "Later in their career, Evans and Brooks...". "career" → "careers". There's more than one of them and they weren't a tag team of any kind.
  • "Government reaction: "Coles reported that relay squad tore up the prime minister's message." Missing another "the" in there. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 02:27, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
All done. Could you explain what the difference in the second point is, I couldn't see it YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 02:37, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support To my American English eyes, I just thought "all four of the swimmers" had slightly better flow than "all of the four swimmers", but if that's how it's said in Australia, I wouldn't have complained it if was left unchanged. Either way, I think this meets the standards and support it. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 02:19, 7 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

*Comments

Scratching the barrel to find something to nitpick here, "most prominent anti-boycott lobbyists...looked like a smart alec" Ellipses should be spaced.
"invariably by large margins," does your source use this term? I think the closest race before Moscow was Mexico City with a margin of victory of 2.6 seconds, large compared to the QCQ's margin, but objectively "large", I'm not so sure.
"and their butterflyer Yevgeny Seredin and freestyler Sergei Kopliakov had come fifth and fourth in their corresponding 100 m events." The finals of the 4x100 were held on 24 July; the 100m freestyle three days later-27 July- according to what I'm seeing. [2]
Same problem would affect "and their freestyle swimmer Per Holmertz had come second in the 100 m."
"Australia was ranked seventh out of the 13 competing countries." I hate mixing numbers with written-out numbers in the same sentence, and I think WP:ORDINAL concurs.

Courcelles (talk) 03:22, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done all these. I think comfortable is fine given that the closest race was a margin of 1.3% which is massive at elite level YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 04:24, 6 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The link is very explicit YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 08:21, 7 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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