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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Ray Emery

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted 01:11, 14 February 2008.

Ray Emery

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I've worked on this article quite a bit, and I feel it meets all of the criteria. It's a little short compared to other FAs, as Emery's career has been quite short, yet, but the article is comprehensive. --Maxim(talk) 02:28, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment All links are good, but two 111 connection refused occurred. That always happens for some reason with all websites from the Hockey Hall of Fame, but all the pages are fine. See this FAC and this one for more explanations on this issue. Maxim(talk) 02:28, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment
    • En dashes are used for scores. Epbr123 (talk) 09:40, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • An image caption should only end with a full-stop if it forms a complete sentence.
    • "As of May 10, 2007, his mask still features Chuvalo." - can this be updated?
    • "which was involved in a minor fender-bender" - I don't think "fender-bender" is an encyclopedic term
    • "Emery claims that the man" "The man claims to eventually sue" - better to say "Therien" or "he" instead of "the man"
    • "Emery was born to Charlene and Paul Emery, the oldest of three brothers, Andrew and Nicholas." - reads as though Paul Emery was the oldest of three brothers
    • "He was suspended for 3 games" - 3 should be spelled out. This also occurs elsewhere
    • "Emery was named rookie of the year." - capitals may be needed
    • "for slashing Montreal Canadiens forward Maxim Lapierre" - what does slashing mean?
    • "Due to his recent tardiness, Emery will be fined the maximum amount allowed under the current Collective Bargaining Agreement." - date needed or this will become outdated. Epbr123 (talk) 09:40, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • All fixed. Maxim(talk) 20:56, 1 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment I found that there are multiple wikilinks that link to redirect pages, and even some to dab pages. Some I found included the 2008 NHL All-Star Game, New York (link was to refer to the city, not state), Las Vegas, CHEO, and enforcer. Although annoying and tedious, perhaps a thourough link clicking should be performed so to link readers to the actual Wikipedia articles instead of these redirect and dab pages. – Nurmsook! (talk) 06:13, 2 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments
    • Lead is too short. Maybe summarize his awards/records, or mention his flamboyant lifestyle that you talk about later.
    • After reading the source in the lead about his getting in fights, I am not getting that it is because he is a boxing fan, as the sentence implies. The article cited doesn't even mention his being boxing fan.
    • You imply throughout the article that getting in fights is rare for a goalie but you don't ever really say it. You should say it, and source it, for those who are ignorant of ice hockey.
    • Why does "OHL" have an underscore after it in the lead?
      • Error, was fixed.
    • "Emery starred for the Ottawa Senators..." Use of the word "starred" seems more suited to films than sports teams. Unless we're talking about Gretzky.
    • "He played many other sports other than hockey..." Redundant use of "other".
    • "...tried out for eight different junior teams, for which he was cut." I'm sure you mean "from which he was cut."
    • "Emery was suspended twice for on-ice incidents the same season, and this similar behavior..." Choose "this" or "similar", not both.
    • "...he was involved in an altercation with Denis Hamel of the Rochester Americans, after a racial slur was said to Emery, for which he was suspended for three games." Did Hamel make the slur? Reword to active voice to specify who did. Also, I can't tell if it was Hamel or Emery who was suspended.
    • "He and Sabres' goaltender Martin Biron each left their creases to fight each other." No apostrophe after Sabres. The first "each" is not needed.
    • "On January 28, 2008, Emery showed up late at another practice after in Long Island, New York. It is being speculated that Emery either mistakenly thought the session was held at the New York Islanders arena, the Nassau Coliseum, but was instead held at the Farmingdale Iceworks." A bit of recentism here - is it still being speculated, and by who? Also, there is an "either" statement here but no "or".
    • "Due to his recent tardiness, Emery was fined 1/187 of his salary per this year, which was $14,705.88, which he donated to CHEO." How did he donate money he was fined? After reading the source I see that he asked if he could "turn his fine into a donation" but that should be in the article if you are going to mention it.
    • "Emery is most known for his flamboyant lifestyle." He's not most known for his hockey playing? --Laser brain (talk) 22:40, 9 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I'll try to address these concerns in time, but I'll need maybe a day, I'm quite busy. Maxim(talk) 02:56, 10 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I've addressed the smaller issues (wording, basically), but the first three (boxing issue, goalies fighting, and size of lead) remain to be addressed. I was actually hard-pressed to find what to add to the lead, but a paragraph related to 'em 5000$ suits might do fine. :-) Maxim(talk) 03:09, 10 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Update - the second point has been addressed, I'm thinking about the first one, but for the third one... it's tough to find a reliable source for that because it's so accepted. My results are mostly getting "unreliable" sources, but as an avid hockey fan, I know that goalie fight are very rare, the same way that the sky is (usually) blue. Maxim(talk) 13:19, 10 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
All issues fixed but size of lead. Maxim(talk) 14:50, 10 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Support, thank you. This really is a great article. I was looking at Wayne Gretzky and even his lead is not that long. Maybe it's okay as is - we certainly wouldn't want to force material into it just for the sake of length. --Laser brain (talk) 17:56, 10 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Notes:

  • WP:PUNC logical quotes.
  • Recheck all endashes (He would wear the Tyson mask for only one game, a 5-0 loss against the Boston Bruins ... )

SandyGeorgia (Talk) 21:27, 13 February 2008 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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