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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/S.S. Lazio/archive3

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:59, 14 July 2008 [1].

S.S. Lazio

edit

previous FAC (20:17, 8 March 2008)


Self Nomination I have improved the article and now I think it is ready for the nomination.--Andrea 93 (msg) 12:29, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose - I see this was nominated prematurely twice before. It has improved a bit since then, but it's still not close to FA in my view.

  • First off, the Italian-language footnotes should have a disclaimer indicating this. Current FAC candidate Ayumi Hamasaki is a good model for how to do this, although it's by no means perfect.
Done. --Andrea 93 (msg) 18:16, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Why are none of the books listed used for footnotes? These would be great sources to expand the article, which is badly needed.
I have not those books. --Andrea 93 (msg) 18:16, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • As I just indicated, further expansion will be required for this to have a chance. The history sections have large gaps; for example, the first 70 years of the club's history is only briefly covered. Even if they weren't consistently winning, their history has to be more eventful than this.
  • Prose problems throughout. A few examples: "winning the UEFA Cup Winners' Cup and UEFA Super Cup both in 1999." Either add a comma before both or remove both. A one-sentence paragraph in the lead, which can surely be expanded to include more about their rivalry with AS Roma. "Societa Podistic Lazio, or Lazio Track and Field Club was founded..." Comma after Track and Field Club. By the way, how did they transition from track and field to football?
  • Point of view problems throughout. Here's a random example: "Lazio's tight defense ensured a credible 8th (should be eighth) place finish in 1964 with a paltry 21 goals scored and a stingy 24 conceded." POV throughout the sentence. I recommend finding a copyeditor at WP:PRV who can help with this and the prose.
  • I also think the lead is lacking. In addition to the small paragraph mentioned above, there is virtually nothing on the club's history. You wouldn't know that they played football before the 1970s. Also, the 2007–08 season is over, so that needs updating.

Overall, it doesn't look ready for FA at this time. I would try to build it up to good article status and then bring it back here. Until then, I hope these comments help. Giants2008 (talk) 14:28, 9 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

One more quick tip: In addition to the scandals mentioned below, the club's season and cup results should be cited as well. Cheers. Giants2008 (talk) 20:24, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

Otherwise sources look okay. Links checked out with the link checker tool. I was not able to evaluate the non-English sources. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:03, 10 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Oppose - article is still incomplete in many regards. It lacks information on management/budget/administration. It also lacks information on the stadium history. Secondly, there are many unsourced statements and the lead is too short. The history section is also very recentist. With respect to the recentism we can see that int eh recent history, a lot of detail is given to comments about certain notable transfers and how the players were good or bad, whereas in the earlier part it does not. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:37, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The source ultraslazio is not acceptable for general citations as it is a fan club and it is only acceptable for giving us the official policy of the the fan club. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:40, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Lead needs to summarise what is in the main body. At the moment, teh article says that Lazio is a general sports club with 37 sports, but nothing is mentioned of the other sports. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:51, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
BLP violations - comments about financial mismanagement and betting scandals need to be directly sourced. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:51, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
POV adjective like "stingy" and "paltry" are too hyperbolic. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:51, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Prose errors
  • "Lazio were forcibly relegated to Serie B in 1980 due to a remarkable scandal concerning illegal bets on their own matches, along with Milan"
Does anybody volunteer to be relegated? Redundant word. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:51, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The arrival of Sergio Cragnotti, in 1992, changed the club's history forever" - hyperbole
  • "a true deathblow back in the day of the two-point win" - slang/POV/hyperbole
  • "£28million" - MOs violations - numbers and units need a space to separate them
  • "After a while of wearing a plain white shirt very early on, Lazio reverted to the colours which they wear today" clumsy

and quite a few more. Blnguyen (bananabucket) 06:51, 11 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • Strong oppose - this is the third FAC for this article and the changes since December 2007 are not much. Sorry, Laziale, but I see your English is not excellent.--Mojska 15:58, 13 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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