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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Willie Mays/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Gog the Mild via FACBot (talk) 24 January 2021 [1].

Willie Mays

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Nominator(s): Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:30, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Willie Mays, one of the greatest and most famous Major League Baseball players of all time. I've put a lot of work into this to get it from a lower-quality B Class article to GA status. A recent peer review suggested it was too long, so I've cut it down from over 13,000 words to 8,500 in response. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 11:30, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

SandyGeorgia

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I will review as I find time; meanwhile, please see this comment on talk. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 19:29, 18 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

SFgiants17, this article is impressively researched and reflects a lot of work, and you did just what reviewers suggested at the Peer review by trimming the article to gain more focus. With that said, I don't think the article is quite ready for FAC. Another route might have been to seek further input from the people who engaged at Peer review before launching the FAC. The prose could still benefit from a good bit of fine-tuning, which can be accomplished more efficiently and pleasurably without the time pressure of a FAC, where reviewers may be reluctant to engage if they have to keep revisiting to strike issues resolved (see User:SandyGeorgia/Achieving excellence through featured content for my suggested approach to FAC ... for one of the great greats, there are a good number of baseball writers who would probably be willing to help, if given time).
Here are just a few samples where some prose gurus might help:
  • The first sentence is labored/lengthy: Willie Howard Mays Jr. (born May 6, 1931), nicknamed "The Say Hey Kid",[a] is an American former professional baseball center fielder, who spent almost all of his 22-season Major League Baseball (MLB) career playing for the New York/San Francisco Giants, before returning to New York City to finish his career with the New York Mets.
  • Mays was raised by his father and two girls, or his father raised Mays and two girls? Mays was raised by his father,[10] as well as two girls named Sarah and Ernestine.
  • It's not clear why the opinion of a high school coach is worthy of inclusion: His coach, Jim McWilliams, said Mays was "the greatest forward passer I ever saw," and Mays drew comparisons to Harry Gilmer in a local newspaper.
  • where does the quote end ? Though he turned 18 in 1949, Mays did not graduate from Fairfield until 1950, which Barra calls "a minor mystery in Willie's life.
  • Teammate of Mays or his father ? Later that year, Mays joined the Birmingham Black Barons of the Negro American League, managed by Piper Davis a former teammate with Mays' father on the industrial team.
  • Mays is the godfather of Barry Bonds, whose father was a friend of his when they were Giants teammates. Golf was a hobby of Mays's, though he was unable to continue it (or drive a car) after 2005 because of glaucoma.

These are samples; we could go line-by-line on this FAC to polish the prose, but I believe a faster route would be to engage experienced baseball editors like @Wehwalt, Therapyisgood, and Giants2008: on a new peer review where there is less pressure. You've done the hardest work already (sourcing and putting it all on the page), but the kind of polish that is needed will make for a very long FAC. SandyGeorgia (Talk)

@SandyGeorgia: I don't mind addressing comments here, but you're probably right that reviewers might be reluctant to give it that much attention. Would you recommend that I withdraw this nomination now and seek their help in a new peer review? Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 14:08, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
That would be my recommendation, but I am also hoping that one of the three editors I pinged will have a look to offer an opinion on whether this can be addressing at FAC, or is better approached off FAC. One of the could have a different opinion than mine. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 15:22, 24 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I'll await their opinion, then. Also, the comments you listed above took less than five minutes to address; I have fixed them. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 16:15, 26 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Image review

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Source review by Ealdgyth

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Nomination Withdrawn

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It seems, based upon the feedback I have gotten, that the next step in improving the article is to solicit more feedback from experienced editors in another peer review. Therefore, I am withdrawing the nomination at this time, as I wish to get back to work on this article. Sanfranciscogiants17 (talk) 19:17, 23 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Nomination withdrawn. The usual two week wait will not apply. Good look with your further work on this. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:21, 24 January 2021 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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