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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 23:51, 18 June 2016 [1].

Wings for My Flight

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Nominator(s): Mz7 (talk) 19:24, 8 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

This article is about Wings for My Flight, a small, yet deeply engaging book about author Marcy Cottrell Houle's challenges protecting a family of peregrine falcons at Chimney Rock National Monument in Colorado, at a time when peregrine falcons were on the verge of extinction. The events described in the book happened in 1975 – the ensuing global effort to save the peregrine falcons was remarkably successful. In 1999, nine years after Wings for My Flight was first published, the peregrine falcon was removed from the U.S. Endangered Species list, securing the victory for Houle, which she comments on in the 2014 revised edition of the book.

This article was reviewed at GAN by User:Cirt last October, and I took it for a peer review these past few months, getting some great feedback from User:J Milburn and User:Moisejp. Ultimately, this is my first FAC, so hopefully I haven't screwed anything up too badly. Respectfully submitted, Mz7 (talk) 19:24, 8 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 21:15, 14 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Parkywiki

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Like you @Mz7:, I am also a newcomer to Featured Articles, having only critiqued one other and having just nominated my very first FAC article. However, I do have a very strong interest in this subject (I established a peregrine falcon webcam project on an urban nest site in England ten years ago which I still run today.) So, I understand the subject matter well, am clearly extremely biased, but have not read the book!

My initial impressions is that this is well-written and well-referenced article which provides a good flavour of what the book was about, how it was received and, of course, the background to the story. I found it very interesting (but am somewhat biased, as I said). It could do with some minor tweaks to the text, which I will outline below on a sentence-by-sentence basis, and over various posts. I'll omit wikilinks and references. If I make any mistakes as a reviewer I'd welcome being corrected by other more experienced users.

  • Two of the three images are lacking alt-text.

Lead section. This seems of an appropriate length. I felt the first paragraph focussed just a little too quickly on the details of causes of the demise of the peregrine falcon. The article is about the book, and I suggest the demise of the peregrine is put a little lower down within the lead. I need to know about Chimney Rock, too, of course, and shouldn't have to rely on wikilinks anywhere within the article to help me understand a name or a term.

  • "...where one of the last pairs of peregrine falcons was discovered" tense suggest: "had been discovered" (give date if poss)

Done. Couldn't find a specific date, unfortunately. Mz7 (talk) 01:39, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "To protect the falcons, Houle had to halt a million-dollar project to build a tourist attraction for ancient Anasazi ruins in the area and faced harassment by the Chimney Rock community as a result." reword I don't think the facility was designed to attract ancient Anasazi ruins, was it? Would "opposition and harassment" be an appropriate description?

Done. I rephrased it as: To protect the falcons, Houle had to halt a million-dollar project turn ancient Anasazi ruins in the area into a tourist attraction and faced opposition and harassment by the Chimney Rock community as a result. However, doesn't "harassment" already imply opposition? I suppose that not all of the opposition was harassment, though. Thanks, Mz7 (talk) 01:57, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The community eventually showed concern for Houle, however, after her trailer was burglarized." I write this, not having read further on, but the simple act of burglary (is burglarize actually a real word, btw?) does not quite make the link for me. I'm guessing her trailer was broken into in an act of intimidation to get her to leave)

I just reread the relevant passage in the book. Houle never found out who broke into her trailer, so she never found out exactly why it was vandalized, but it was probably to intimidate her. It's not our job to speculate, though. "Burglarize" is an Americanism that another British editor at WP:PR got annoyed at too, heh heh. I've changed it to "broken into and vandalized" – hopefully that looks better for international readers. ;) The community's response to the burglary is surprisingly heartwarming. Houle expected the community to rejoice at her misfortune, given their indignation towards her presence at Chimney Rock, but they would not tolerate such a massive crime – thousands of dollars in scientific equipment was stolen, and that provoked the morality of the community and caused it to rally behind Houle. It's an interesting twist in the story, one that I fear I didn't explain well enough in the summary. I'll look into it over the weekend. Mz7 (talk) 02:16, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Wings for My Flight was originally published in hardcover by Addison-Wesley in 1991. The book was republished in 1999 by Pruett Publishing and again in 2014 by the University of New Mexico Press." Get rid of the red link and tighten up these two sentences. Is it republished, or reprinted? Or a revised 2nd edition with extra content?

I tried to make it more clear by adding additional details: Wings for My Flight was originally published in hardcover by Addison-Wesley in 1991. The book was republished in 1999 by Pruett Publishing with a foreword by Robert Michael Pyle and a new preface and epilogue by Houle. The book was updated again in 2014 and republished by the University of New Mexico Press with photographs and a preface by Houle touching upon the recovery of the peregrine falcon. Mz7 (talk) 21:50, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The book co-received the Oregon Book Award in 1991 and was also awarded a Christopher Award for books in 1992" It might be nice within the lead to know briefly what these awards were both for without having to follow the wikilinks or to read further down.

Done. Briefly added a description of both awards. Mz7 (talk) 21:54, 3 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The Library Journal described the book as "well-crafted and compelling",[1] while the Los Angeles Times referred to the book as "heartfelt", although "naive and overdrawn at times".[2]" Two comments here: 1) I'm sure I was read another reviewer say that FA leads should not contain citations', so think about removing this and ensuring it is cited later on. 2) Try and avoid the use of the same word (book) twice within a single sentence. FA writing should flow well and be a pleasure to read. Just use 'it' or something similar to give more balance to the sentence.

Not done and done. You're right that lead sections should generally not contain inline citations to avoid redundancy, per WP:LEADCITE. However, WP:BURDEN specifically states that all quotations should be cited. LEADCITE advises us that a case-by-case approach is needed, and I think the citations here are appropriate, so that we know exactly where the quotes are coming from. I've changed the repetition of the word "book" to "it" as you suggested. Thanks, Mz7 (talk) 01:48, 28 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "By the 1970s, there were no peregrine falcon nests discovered east of the Rocky Mountains,[4]:xii and in the West, peregrine falcon populations had declined by 80 to 90 percent.[3]" The link between these sentences could be enhanced with a 'however' or something similar. I suspect the statement that "no peregrine nests had been discovered" is incorrect. From the similar situation described by scientist, Derek Ratcliffe, here in the UK in the 1960s and 70s, nests were definitely being occupied (=discovered), and eggs were laid, but none were successful at hatching chicks because of the egg shell-thinning problem. This is an important distinction to make. Why is 'West' capitalised?

I'm not sure if "however" is the right link. The second clause complements the first by furthering the description of the major decline; it doesn't oppose it. I did a bit of research, and I'm not sure if the part about the east is inaccurate. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, when they took the peregrine falcon off of the endangered list, published this directive, which states that Peregrine falcons in the Great Plains states east of the Rocky Mountains and south of the boreal forest in Canada and the United States were also extirpated in the DDT-era. On the other hand, the state of New Jersey published this report in 2010, which states that The eastern population plunged from an estimated 350 active sites in the 1930's and 1940's to no active breeding birds in 1964 or 1975. I think means that some peregrines were found (i.e. discovered) but just not breeding, so they became essentially extinct in that area, so you may be right. I'll keep looking. Mz7 (talk) 20:28, 29 May 2016 (UTC) Oh, and "West" was capitalized since the Western United States is conventionally referred to as "the West", but I've made it lowercase since we are talking about west of the Rocky Mountains and not the western U.S. in general. Mz7 (talk) 20:32, 29 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "By the events of Wings for My Flight, which take place in 1975, only 324 pairs of peregrine falcons were known..." This sentence is a little clumsy. Maybe something like this might be better?: "By the time the events described in Wings for my Flight took place in 1975, only 324 ..."

Done. Reworded to read: By 1975, the year in which the events of Wings for My Flight take place, only 324 pairs of peregrine falcons were known to reside in North America Mz7 (talk) 20:28, 29 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "In the midst of the peregrine falcon decline, Houle studied biology at Colorado College in Colorado Springs." This seems an odd way of linking two events. Could it be better worded?

How about During the peregrine falcon decline, Houle studied biology...? Mz7 (talk) 17:26, 30 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The institution's block scheduling system allowed Houle to frequently travel to experience various ecosystems in addition to her academic studies." Again, clunky wording. Without following the wikilink I have no idea what block scheduling means, and "to experience various ecosystems" seems an odd phrase to use.

Changed to The institution's block scheduling system meant that Houle had fewer classes each day, allowing her to travel frequently to experience various ecosystems in addition to her academic studies. It might still be a little clunky; I'll think about it. Mz7 (talk) 02:38, 29 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Following the experience, Houle had to decide whether to continue pursuing wildlife biology or to instead commit to her passion of writing..." Which experience? Just tweak the wording a bit here. And the split infinitive ('or to instead commit') doesn't sound good either. There's another in the previous sentence, too.

Done. Tweaked to read Following her experience with the peregrine falcons, Houle had to decide whether to continue pursuing wildlife biology or to commit instead to her passion of writing. Also tweaked the split infinitive in the earlier sentence. Mz7 (talk) 02:38, 29 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "Wings for My Flight merges both fields and documents Houle's observations of the peregrines and the community at Chimney Rock during her first summer there." a little clunky here. Try: " Wings for My Flight combined both of Houle's interests; it recounted her observations of the peregrines as well as her interaction with the community at Chimney Rock during her first summer there.[6]"

Done. Mz7 (talk) 17:30, 30 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "The peregrine falcon became an endangered species primarily due to the use of organochlorine pesticides, especially DDT,[4]:xii, 15 the breakdown of which lowered estrogen levels in the female peregrine bloodstream and inhibited the production of calcium, causing eggs to grow thinner by up to 20 percent. Since peregrine falcons lay their eggs on rocky ledges rather than nests, the thinned shells break under the stress of both the rocky ledge and the weight of the parents during incubation.[4]:15–16" This is very complex I suspect the lay reader needs a phased introduction to this concept. How about something like this: "The peregrine falcon became endangered [around DATE], after almost every clutch of eggs cracked during incubation at their nest sites. This was eventually found to be caused by the widespread use of organochlorine pesticides, especially DDT,[4]:xii, 15. Widely used as a seed-dressing [confirm], these passed up through the food-chain and built up in the peregrines' bodies. The breakdown products of DDT lowered estrogen levels in the female peregrine's bloodstream which inhibited the production of calcium. (is 'production of calcium' the right phrase? This caused the eggshells produced by affected birds to be up to 20 percent thinner than normal. These shells then shattered during incubation because of the weight of the parent birds against their hard, rocky nest ledges.[4]:15–16"

I probably fall under the category of "lay reader" personally, and I could understand the concepts. Nevertheless, I see what you mean, and I will be thinking about this over the next few days. Mz7 (talk) 05:26, 17 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • "...and recovery teams in North America and Europe were successful in breeding and training peregrines in captivity to later release to the wild, a procedure called hacking" I've not checked your references, but I am not aware of any European projects breeding and training peregrines in captivity for later release, and almost certainly not in the UK. I'm not saying this hasn't happened - just that in my experience I have not heard of it in Europe - so, I would ask that you re-check this source and ensure it is absolutely correct and supported by a full citation(s) later on.

Done. I was sitting in the library as I was looking over this. I didn't have the source on hand, but it turns out, it was no more than a few steps away from me! Page 34 of the Reader's Digest book says nothing about the hacking procedure performed in Europe. Accordingly, the mention of Europe will stay removed, and I will update Peregrine falcon#Recovery efforts. Thanks for catching that! Mz7 (talk) 19:02, 27 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

That's enough for now - I'll work on more sections later on (in between monitoring my own breeding peregrines!) Parkywiki (talk) 08:16, 27 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Parkywiki: Thank you so much for your thorough review! Looking through them, your comments are very helpful – should I respond by addressing each bullet point separately, underneath each issue, or should I respond to all of them together in a paragraph underneath the comments? Mz7 (talk) 18:25, 27 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Glad to hear it's what you want. I'll try and work through a bit more over the next few days. I'm not sure if there is a protocol for this, but what I found helpful when reviewing Nothomyrmecia was when nominator responded beneath each of my bullet points. Don't use a bullet point or colon to indent, and start each sentence with Done or Not Done, followed by your response/discussion. This lets you and me easily see what's been addressed, and what's left to do, as your response won't be indented. It might not be what others do - but it worked for me! Parkywiki (talk) 18:35, 27 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Parkywiki: Thanks! That sounds reasonable. I should mention that I would consider myself very much a "lay person" on this subject matter. This is a book that I found one day and that piqued my interest – I have no experience actually working with or studying peregrine falcons, so I consider you far more knowledgeable on this topic than me. ;) With regards to the "breeding and training peregrines in captivity for later release," I followed the lead of Peregrine falcon#Recovery efforts, which says that it was done by teams in Germany and Poland, in addition to Canada and the United States, and I borrowed the Reader's Digest source from that article. I've removed the mention of Europe for now and will double-check the source to make sure. Mz7 (talk) 18:40, 27 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Forgive me if I don't respond now for a week or two - various difficulties at home mean I may not have time to follow up as I'd initially intended. I will do as as and when I can, and it may have to be piecemeal. Parkywiki (talk) 23:24, 30 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Parkywiki: I totally understand. Take your time. :) Mz7 (talk) 18:14, 31 May 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe I have responded to most of the concerns. Regarding image alt-text, my understanding was that alt-text was not necessary if the caption or file name adequately explains what the image depicts. I tried to structure the lead similar to how the article is structured, starting with the factual background and moving into a summary of the book's content, then awards and reception. I can see how the lead might put too much emphasis on how the peregrine declined, and I will muse on how I could modify it. Mz7 (talk) 04:25, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
@Parkywiki: Just to let you know, due to a real-life commitment, I will not have access to Wikipedia from June 23 through July 16. I'm not sure how long FACs are allowed to remain open, but it is highly unlikely I will be able to respond to anything during that time. If we're unable to promote this article this time around, that's totally fine. Mz7 (talk) 05:29, 17 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Closing comment -- after remaining open for quite some time, this nom should have been closer to achieving consensus to promote, and also given the nominators's planned absence, I'm going to archive it shortly. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:50, 18 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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