Wikipedia:Featured list candidates/List of Slipknot concert tours/archive3

The following is an archived discussion of a featured list nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured list candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The list was not promoted by Dabomb87 22:25, 29 April 2010 [1].

List of Slipknot concert tours

Nominator(s): CrowzRSA 17:21, 5 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured list because I believe it meets the criteria and has received a lot of work. It definitely has enough references. It has recently received a peer review and I really think it's ready to be FL. CrowzRSA ^{17:21, 5 April 2010 (UTC)}[reply]

Oppose

What's an "early tour"?

An early tour generally represents a tour that did not have shows outside of North America, and/or do not have any legs with actual names. CrowzRSA ^{21:01, 28 April 2010 (UTC)}[reply]

Sorry but that prose is weak (for me). The Rambling Man (talk) 21:20, 28 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Well actually did not name it this, Nergaal did, so I'll ask them. CrowzRSA ^{21:29, 28 April 2010 (UTC)}[reply]

Actually Nergaal hasn't contributed since February.

I'd like the prose revisited by an independent reviewer.

Resolved comments from The Rambling Man (talk) 06:36, 28 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

firstly, sorry you've had to wait so long for any comments. Here are mine:

"the first annual concert festival created by Kevin Lyman" you have a ref for this?

Removed CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"formed in 1995, with four early tours, and three world tours." they didn't "form" with "tours". They have made tours subsequently.

Fixed CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"as of 2009.[3]. " spare period here.

Fixed CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"Livin La Vida Loco" our article is "Livin la Vida Loco".

Fixed CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"their second early tour" again, what's an "early tour"? Was it their second tour ever?

An early tour generally represents a tour that did not have shows outside of North America, and/or do not have any legs with actual names. CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"by the band Coal Chamber" don't think you need "the band" here. CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I wasn't sure if that was necessary or not.

"outside of North America, where they performed in Europe, Japan, Australia, and North America" reads very odd to me to say "outside of North America" (no need for the of here either) and then to go on to say "and North America".

Fixed CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

"The "Kill the Industy" leg and Slipknot's second "Ozzfest" were both supporting legs of the world tour" reads confusing to me again. You've just introduced the World tour, then you mention the "kill the industry" leg and say it was a supporting leg of the world tour. Isn't that obvious?
"It marked the most Slipknot performances in one tour, where Slipknot performed at over 230 concerts" don't need to repeat Slipknot. Perhaps "It marked the most perfomances in one tour by the band, with over 230 concerts" or something.

Done CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Can you make the references appear in numerical order please?

Done. CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I'd suggest a wholesale peer review of the prose, right now it's pretty weak. You namecheck the band far too many times in the second para of the lead for instance, there's a lot of repetition of phrases, it could use a rework.

This article has already been reviewed as of April 2, 2010. (see here)

References need work too.. just a random selection:
- Comply with the MOS, so no overcapitalisation, use en-dashes rather than spaced hyphens etc.

Doing...

- What makes blabbermouth.net a reliable source?

Blabbermouth is part of the band's record company, Roadrunner Records, website. It is an established, third-party website in its respectful field (hard-rock music) CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

- Is it MTV or Mtv?

MTV. I'll change the references to this soon.

- What makes thegauntlet.com a RS?
- And "www.tanie-plyty.eu"?

I used this as an alternative to the booklet for some reason... Changed. CrowzRSA 21:55, 24 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The Rambling Man (talk) 07:14, 23 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose I'll point out some issues, but with the caveat that this is not an exhaustive list- it needs an independent copy edit.

"Slipknot is an American heavy metal band from Des Moines, Iowa, formed in 1995, currently consisting of four early tours, and three world tours. " Bands are made up of members- this sentence needs a rewrite
"The band's first concert tour was of the United States with the 1999 Ozzfest, founded by Ozzy Osbourne and his wife Sharon Osbourne in 1996 and featured live performances by heavy metal bands." Who are Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne, and why should we care? *In other words, wikilink for context)
"which was taken off their 1999 debut album" Try 'removed'.
What is the delineation between early tours and world tours, and why, with 4 continents, is the "World Domination Tour" considered the former?
"Slipknot toured in countries they had never performed in before, such as Israel, Luxembourg, and several other countries."The repition of countries makes this feel clunky.
"This was usually caused by injuries." Is this really the best way to end the lede? It seems a strange ending to me.
The referencing needs work; just checking a few here at random: (numbers as of this revision)

Ref 47 gives an author and publishing date
Same for 38
79; "WebCite" is not an appropriate title for that ref. Give more information
54 gives an author
107 has an author and publishing date
Same for 33
Again for 43.

That's about 50% of the ones I checked that have more information at a glance than is included in the footnotes, that ought to be there if available. Bradjamesbrown (talk) 09:35, 29 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.