Wikipedia:Peer review/A Boy and His Blob: Trouble on Blobolonia/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I've been working on it on and off for past several months. I feel its pretty close to GA status, but I would like some feedback before pursuing a nomination. Also, I'm missing a vital source for the development: the Retro Gamer "Making Of" article from issue 77. I live in the States and don't have access to that periodical. If anyone happens to have it, please let me know.
Thanks, ~ Hibana (talk) 15:18, 18 May 2011 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: This looks pretty good to me too, here are some mostly nit-picky suggestions for improvement.
- I do not have Retro Gamer magazine - have you tried asking for it via Interlibrary loan at your local library? Or asking on the WikiProject Video games talk page?
- I might include the year 1990 in the first sentence "...is a 1990 video game..."
- The word "between" seems odd here - I would just use "in" It was released in North America, Japan, and Europe between 1990 and 1991.
- Problem sentence "using" should be cut or perhaps words are missing? Crane has described the game's overall concept of a boy using accompanied by a blob tool-set as a fun, unconventional idea.
- Reception has three paragraphs but only one sentence in the lead - seems like there should be a bit more in the lead - perhaps mention some of the awards in a sentence?
- Any info on sales figures?
- Tighten The game's plot involves the titular boy and his alien blob friend (
fullynamed Blobert) ... - Watch WP:OVERLINKing - does the average reader really need a link for sweets?
- "Platformer" seems a bit slangy for an encyclopedia article Despite being a platformer, the player-controlled boy is limited to simply running and leaping from ledges.
- Tighten The boy is accompanied by
his companionBlobert, who is controlled by the computer AI. - Tighten Also found on the map are extra jelly beans and peppermints,
the latter ofwhich increase the player's lives.[6] - Can year(s) be added in Development? Assume 1989 was the start of development?
- Tweak - doubt he rented the whole flophouse ;-) Crane rented a room in a flophouse near his office ...
- Try to change passive to active wherever possible. One example: The concept of a boy accompanied by a shapeshifting blob was described by Crane as "an off-the-wall idea".[12][13] could be something like Crane described the concept of a boy accompanied by a shapeshifting blob as "an off-the-wall idea".[12][13] (and active is usually a bit tighter)
- Not sure something can be "heavily inspired by" something else - how about "heavily influenced by" in Blobert's design was heavily inspired by the characters Gloop and Gleep ...
- For clarity I would add "in the Japanese version" at the end of The game's sprite for the boy was made more detailed, and jellybeans were renamed as "candies".[17] I might also link sprite
- Not sure what this means (equal praise?) The two reviewers of Mean Machines gave equal praise to the graphical quality of A Boy and His Blob... Perhaps something like Both reviewers for Mean Machines praised the graphical quality equally...?
- Vast instead of vastly? Thomas faulted the game's controls, its vastly empty environments, and ...
- In Legacy I would give the years for the various items. So "in 2005, Jason Poland, a writer for America's Intelligence Wire, attributed ... Or what year did Absolute close?
- Poland was a columnist for the Univerity of Houston's newspaper - his work is distributed by America's Intelligence Wire, but not really written for it.
- Ref 8 (IGN) says it was released in 1989 (not 1990 or 1991)
- Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 16:41, 2 June 2011 (UTC)