Wikipedia:Peer review/Alanya/archive1

Alanya

After working on and off on this page for over a year, I'm not sure where it can go, or what more to include. There just doesn't seem to be any more relevant, citable information available on the internet and in English. Some if it was written in my early days as a Wikipedian, so it may not be proper style everywhere. All thoughts and suggestions are welcomed!--Patrick Ѻ 16:34, 12 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Review by Jeff

Great article, a smooth read and thorough. After PR complete and the changes made, I suggest it's ready to be a featured article candidate. Now for my thoughts:

Try to provide an IPA pronunciation for Alanya
Suggest putting some refs in the lead. This doesn't mean you have to find new refs, just use them in the lead.
"holidaymakers" usually called tourists
"responsible for 9% of all tourism in Turkey..." It took me about 4 read throughs to realize that this meant 9% in the entire country. Try something like "...responsible for 9% of Turkey's tourism sector." or at least emphasize that it refers to the whole country.
The 15th century map is fantastic. I recommend adding to the caption, perhaps saying something about how the map depicts the main fortress, the mountains, or whatever. Try to write the captions so they add some interesting information, for suggestions see Wikipedia:Captions
"the castle rock was likely inhabited long before that under the Hittites and the Persian Empire" long before that... instead of "that" try a less vague phrasing.
The history section makes heavy use of the passive voice: "Alanya was partitioned...the city was designated..." It's ok to use the passive voice sometimes, but here I think it is used too much.
The history section is pretty thorough, but this is a section that is kind of hard to follow. Not sure what to suggest here, maybe I can reread it a few more times.
The names section, is this something that could be wrapped into another section, it seems to short but already covers the subject well. This is true for a number of sections, where the coverage is thorough but the section itself is really just looks short.
"the town is between the Taurus Mountains..." how about: "The town is situated between the Taurus..."
"isolated example of Eastern Mediterranean conifer-sclerophyllous-broadleaf forests..." This is a bit too technical, how about "isolated example of an Eastern Mediterranean conifer-shrub-broadleaf forest."
"The town is divided by a rocky peninsula which is perhaps the most distinctive feature of the city." How about "The town is divided by a rocky peninsula which is a distinctive feature of the city. "
"Regardless, the area was indeed under some Egyptian hegemony in the early centuries BC" This bit really belongs in the history section, and might be totally reworded if you decide to keep.
"Atatürk Bulvarı (Boulevard), runs parallel to the sea, and divides the southern, much more touristic side of Alanya from the northern, more native side, that extends north into the mountains. Çevre Yolu Caddesi circles the main town to the north." This passage should be integrated better. Maybe start off with a general statement about the roads, then say "A major boulevard, the Atatürk Bulvarı, runs parallel...." and then "The street Çevre Yolu Caddesi circles..." its just that when I read it, I can't figure out what a "Çevre Yolu Caddesi" is automatically.
"Though promoting itself as "where the sun smiles," Alanya has a relatively moderate continental Mediterranean climate." This starts off weird. If it said: "Though promoting itself as "where the sun smiles," Siberia has a bitterly cold, arctic climate" That would make sense. But why does having a moderate continental mediterranean climate disqualify Alanya as a place where the sun smiles?
"Though promoting itself as "where the sun smiles," probably should be "itself as a land "where the sun smiles"
"The presence of the Taurus Mountain in close proximity to the sea causes fog many mornings, in turn creating visible rainbows many days." many days, many mornings
"Seljuk era Tersane" flesh out caption
"The 33 meter high brick building" probably should supply both metric and US units.
"There remains however a limited number of secondary schools outside of the city center, disadvantaging the rural villages." reword to something like "Rural villages are disadvantaged by having fewer secondary schools." instead of "disadvantaging"
"Just as the province is divided up into districts, the Alanya District is divided up into 17 municipalities..." how about "The Alanya District is divided up into 17 municipalities..."
"Though Alanya has been part of Antalya Province since the Ottoman Empire, an Alanya Province has been a goal of many local politicians." the phrase "an Alanya Province" is problematic, how about "many local politicians have advocated that Alanya be made its own province" or something like that.
"The tourist industry here is worth..." the tourist industry "here"?
"baking the worlds longest cake on 2006-04-26" change date to a standard format.
After reading through the whole thing, I think you probably do need to add more to the lead to make it better summarize the article. In the lead, remember to not go into excessive detail, and make sure to summarize the main points, it doesn't have to be too detailed, just thorough.

Okay, that's basically it for now. A few more sources would be needed to promote to FA, but it is a fine article! Jeff Dahl 03:00, 13 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR _t 21:11, 13 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]