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This peer review discussion has been closed.
Wisp (Sonic)'s current FAC isn't looking promising, and I'd like to work on another potential Sonic character FA in the meantime. I first began working on this in February, put it aside for a while to watch Sonic X, then began work a few days ago, nominated it for GAN a couple days later, and saw today that it had passed. Anyway, life story aside, I'm wondering particularly about the following issues, though as always, all comments are appreciated.
- The GA reviewer suggested I trim down the "In video games" section. A little seems reasonable, even though Amy's a decently known gaming character who's appeared in numerous plot-driven games, but I'm not sure what would best be taken out.
- Awkward wording? This is a rather nitty-gritty issue, so I'd be happy even with only a few pointers of glaringly bad writing, if applicable.
- A couple of times in "Conception and visual design", I refer to images when I cite information about Amy's past coloring/design changes. Is this WP:OR? If so, how much of that can I leave in?
- Is "In animation" too long? If so, what seems excessive?
Tezero (talk) 00:25, 29 April 2014 (UTC)
Also, I really don't like Patricia Hernandez, but could this be useful? Tezero (talk) 00:08, 30 April 2014 (UTC)
Alright, I'll give a basic rundown:
- I don't know about trimming so I can't comment here and I'm not terribly good at prose either.
- Here are some I think could use improvements:
- Instead of: "Her name was given inconsistently in previews of the game: variously as "Rosy the Rascal", "Princess Sally" (actually the name of a character from the Sonic the Hedgehog TV series), and "Amy". Amy's design was changed to its current state in Sonic Adventure, now incorporating a red dress and red shoes" how about "Her name was given inconsistently in previews of the game such as "Rosy the Rascal", "Princess Sally" (which is the name of another character from the Sonic the Hedgehog TV series), and "Amy""?
- "Without playability, Amy has had roles in numerous other game plots." I'd go with "Amy has had roles in numerous other game plots as a non-playable character."
- You can also request a copyedit if you are concerned any other awkward writing.
- I can't quite put my finger in it, but I do feel the animation part is too long, perhaps it's because Sonic X isn't canon. I feel same way about comics so I guess "In other media" would be appropriate? It's your call.
- Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe Kotaku's reliability depends on the author. So in this case, I would check Patricia Hernandez's background to see if she constitutes as a reliable source or not.
- Other than that, I would use Master Chief (Halo) as a point of reference since it's the only FA-class video game article about a fictional character.
- The disambig links tool found one link to an article that needs to be disambiguated.
- There are two dead refs according to the external links too. Use the WayBack Machine to see if there's an archived page or look for an alternate source for the information the refs are supporting.
- There were three, it seems. Removed one, archived one, and am looking for a replacement for the last. Tezero (talk) 21:13, 14 May 2014 (UTC)
I hope the reviews has been helpful. Good luck on your FAC! Cheers! Erick (talk) 19:18, 12 May 2014 (UTC)
- I'll try to fix these up today, except for the copyedit, which make take longer. Thanks! Tezero (talk) 19:42, 12 May 2014 (UTC)