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Wikipedia:Peer review/Barrio Fino/archive1

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Barrio Fino

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I've listed this article for peer review because I want to improve it in order to nominate it to a Good Article or Featured Article status.

Thanks, Brankestein (talk) 01:31, 16 May 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'll take a spin on this one. There is one dablink. – jona ✉ 14:28, 31 May 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Lead
  • Daddy Yankee's WP:NATIONALITY is American, his ethnicity is Puerto Rican. (same note for Background section and Composition)
  • Puerto Rico is in the United States, saying it was released in both is redundant.
  • Dance and romance are common words, no need to link them.
  • Remove "in 2004", the reader would understand that the album brought mainstream recognition to the genre in the year of its release unless specified elsewhere.
  • Which Latin Grammy Award was he nominated at and won?
  • I thought the RIAA recognized certifications as shipments back in the 2000s decade?
Background
  • The first sentence of this section needs to be rewritten per note above on his nationality and this "since 1991, year in which he was feature" doesn't make any sense.
  • Who is DJ Playero, Luny Tunes, Eddie Dee, and Zion & Lennox? Yet you specify the origin of V.I. Music
  • Inconsistent use of dates (August 23, 2003 vs. 29 March 2003)
  • Is it Daddy Yankee throughout the article or Yankee?
  • "a.k.a" - according to whom?
  • Watch out for over wikilinking topics more than once (Tropical Songs, Eddie Dee (composition), Zion & Lennox (composition), Luny Tunes (production), Mas Flow (production), Los Homerun-es (production), Amazon.com (critical reception), "Gasolina" (legacy), Wisin & Yandel (legacy), Don Omar (legacy), The Last Don (legacy), Mas Flow 2 (legacy), shanty towns (legacy))
Composition
  • Remove "song" in the first sentence.
  • Who is Glory, Blacka-Nice, May-Be and Raymond Acosta?
  • "inspired by a Puerto Rican refrain" - I don't understand this phrase
  • No need to link English-language
  • The depictions of the album's lyrics needs rewriting
  • Amazon.com is not a published publication and does not need to be italicized. Also, Ramiro Burr is not from Amazon but a Latin music journalist/columnist/editor of the San Antonio Express-News among other publications he has been in.
  • What's social rap?
  • Too many instances with "According to Yankee", if the author adds commentary then allow the sentence to be true without stating that the author agrees or voiced his recollection of the track especially if the entire article heavily uses his commentary. (ex; He wrote the tracks in one week according to Yankee vs. He wrote the tracks in one week.)
  • The mass media doesn't "give" negative news, but report on it. Either replace "give" with "report on" or remove "give".
Production and packaging
  • For the uninformed reader, there needs to be an understanding who these producers are. You give great examples for Luny Tunes and Monserrate & DJ Urba, but fail to be consistent with other unfamiliar names. I suggest the two sections (production and packaging) to be merged since they both are small sections and go well together.
Release
  • FN#29 could go at the end of the period.
  • "an uncommon" -> "an unprecedented". Also that sentence is very long, try to focus on its Billboard 200 chart feat then end the sentence and go on with the Tropical Albums chart.
  • "for a reggaeton-record" should be rewritten as "It holds (or held) the record for..."
  • In the sentence for Canada's commercial performance, there seems to be a word missing.
  • I believe it would look nicer if you remove all those citations that are placed before the period and just make a note of the achievements they are sourced to.
Singles
  • Link Leila Cobo
  • Did the album shipped 100,000 copies in Japan or the single?
Critical reception
  • AllMusic and BBC are not published publications and do not need to be italicized.
  • It is 44th not 44rd, also be consistent is it 44 or forty-four?
  • "the Argentine international version of Rolling Stone magazine" - completely redundant, if the magazine is Rolling Stone Argentina, then henceforth is it the Argentine international version of the publication.
  • Use the same note I said about Ramiro Burr in the composition section.
  • The "Indian The Record" just doesn't sound well. Maybe go with "The Indian music publication The Record"
Accolades
  • Too many tables, this is an article not a list. I suggest removing the table that belongs on his awards and nominations received list.
Legacy
  • Too many in-sentence citations, maybe just end it with a period.
  • Gross is the total unit, saying "more" is grammatically incorrect.
  • "(ergo, another Billboard chart):" - remove "ergo" and complete the sentence without the need of a parentheses.
Track listing
  • This section should be last name basis.
@AJona1992: Thanks a lot for your comments. I have been doing some changes, and I would like to know what do you think. Brankestein (talk) 20:06, 21 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Second review

edit
  • Overall the article is reading better, there are some misinterpretations of what I suggested from above that did not help some sentences in the article. I have re-read the article and wrote down my comments below. Best – jona ✉ 14:48, 23 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
Lead
  • Instead of saying that the lyrical content "relates" to those themes, it should be reworded to say "explored" or something similar to avoid an awkward sentence.
  • You should link reggaeton where the sentence starts that Daddy Yankee introduced the genre.
  • The lead is supposed to be a summarization of the article, so removing the other musicians' albums that were instrumental in popularizing reggaeton would be best and just end the sentence with "among others" or something similar since the article body will continue this sentence and vouch for those who were involved.
  • "2000s" can be interpreted in two different ways: "the 2000s decade" or "the 2000s century", so explicitly saying "the 2000s decade" would suffice to prevent confusion.
  • "number one on US" - there's a missing word here.
Background
  • Most of the information is unrelated to Barrio Fino and belong to his discography page. A nice small introduction of who Daddy Yankee is, is applicable, though explaining each and every release that led up to Barrio Fino is not. Just go into small details on their release and then move on, try not to over add information that the reader may not find helpful when reading this article.
  • When was the mixtape released?
  • "end his dream" needs to be reworded to "end his aspirations" to avoid being flowery.
  • "whose track "Posición" was featured on the One Tough Cop soundtrack" should be removed, this belongs to either his biography page or discography page, or both, as it is unrelated to Barrio Fino.
  • The sentence "Luny Tunes is a Dominican duo" should be removed as it has nothing to do with this album. Just say "Dominican duo Luny Tunes' debut album" would suffice.
  • Per above, Eddie Dee's release is unrelated to this album and should be removed as well as Zion & Lennox.
Composition
  • Per my previous statements about the word "relate" in the lead applies here as well.
  • Try to not use the same word twice in any given sentence.
  • Why isn't dancehall and Jamaican music not linked?
  • Remove Glory's biography, what I meant when I said who these people were, I meant nationality and profession.
  • "sexually-flavored lyrics" is bordering flowery, try "sexually suggestive lyrics" instead
  • The sentence explaining "Salud y Vida" needs to be rewritten to be grammatically correct.
  • The mass media sentence needs to be in present tense.
Production and packaging
  • Try to avoid TMI, there's no need to go into detail about Daddy Yankee's prior involvements in any of the musicians who worked with him on this album.
  • Again, all I meant was to say who the person was (nationality and profession) and not their own careers.
Release
  • No need to parenthesize debut and peak.
  • "is the reggaeton album" is grammatically incorrect.
Singles
  • Did "Gasolina" shipped 100,000 units in Japan or the album?
  • "Like You" was ineligible to chart on the Latin charts because of its mostly English-language lyrics. So saying that it "failed to chart on the Latin charts" is WP:OR.
Critical reception
  • Year-end does not need to be capitalized.
  • "Indian The Record music magazine" still needs to be rewritten.
Legacy
  • "the album into his list" who?
  • "into his list" who?
  • A source is needed for to support the claim that Daddy Yankee's album helped increased sales of other reggaeton musicians albums.


@AJona1992: Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate your help. I edited the article following your advises, I think it is a little better now. Sorry for my misinterpretations. Brankestein (talk) 18:17, 23 July 2017 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Did "Gasolina" shipped 100,000 units in Japan or the album?" – The answer is "Gasolina". Maybe I should write something like "'Gasolina' shipped one hundred thousand copies in Japan as of September 2005 but failed to chart or receive a certification in the country." [100,000 shipments in Japan is equivalent to a gold certification – List of music recording certifications]
  • "A source is needed for to support the claim that Daddy Yankee's album helped increased sales of other reggaeton musicians albums." – Perhaps I didn't express myself well. I didn't mean that Barrio Fino enhanced sales of other reggaeton albums. I simply mentioned important reggaeton albums of 2005 following the international success of Barrio Fino (the first reggaeton album to receive a non-Latin RIAA certification). Maybe I should remove The Last Don from the sentence. It was released in 2003, I made a mistake.
  • "'is the reggaeton album' is grammatically incorrect." – I don't know how to write that part of the sentence.
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