Wikipedia:Peer review/Betsy Bakker-Nort/archive1

Betsy Bakker-Nort

FAC: I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to nominate this political history article as Feature Article Candidate. Bakker-Nort was the predecessor of Corry Tendeloo whose article was promoted to FA last month. I welcome your comments to make it better.

Thanks, Edwininlondon (talk) 15:59, 23 June 2022 (UTC)

Comments by SusunW

So very happy to see this and glad to give it a look. Thank you for telling her story. SusunW (talk) 13:29, 29 June 2022 (UTC)

Lede:

• Probably should be broken into paragraphs, i.e. new ¶ at "At age 34", "[Bakker-Nort] was active internationally", and then possibly add a summary ¶ about her legacy.

• Done

Early life:

• I bundled the first bit with multiple refs exceeding 3. These should probably be handled similarly throughout the article, as I know from experience it will be commented upon.

• Done

• "in speeches in backrooms", possibly less redundant to say through speeches.

• Done

• In English, title case is required for names of works, i.e. "The importance of the law" should be "The Importance of the Law". (This is a handy little gadget.)

• Done

• To avoid redundancy, i.e. law, law possibly "thorough understanding of the law" could be changed to "comprehensive legal knowledge".

• Done

• Will the "average reader" understand that "She said that the husband's marital power was solely based on his ballot" means his power over her was derived from legislative policies? Perhaps "based on his ability to vote and elect policy makers" is clearer?

• Done

• "four years later and another two years later" replace one years later with a date.

• Done

• Not sure I understand the term "house lawyer". Do you mean she was the in-house counsel?

• Kind of. In-house counsel seems to be used for corporate lawyers, so I instead just wrote "She acted as the main legal expert for the VVVK"

1918-1924:

• Insert as, i.e. "July 1922, [as] the party's first female representative".

• Done

• Yes, yes, I know I am old school, but a paragraph should introduce a subject before replacing it with a pronoun, i.e. "In her first year she introduced" becomes "In her first year, Bakker-Nort…"

• Done

• "brothers who were widowers" consider widowed brothers.

• Done

• The bill passed but failed? Passed the House, but failed in the Senate is probably clearer.

• Done

• "Also in her first year she tried to amend the Ruijs de Beerenbrouck government's bill for minor changes to the marriage law", perhaps "Also in her first year she tried to amend the Ruijs de Beerenbrouck government's proposed legislation to make minor changes to the marriage law" is clearer?

• Done

1925–1928:

• Insert comma after "1925 election"

• Done

• Insert comma after "First De Geer cabinet"

• Done

• Perhaps pipe nationality law to nationality law#Jus matrimonii (Yes, I know, I need to finish the article on women's nationality…)

• Done

• Consider a new ¶ for "The women staged protest marches", but if you do so, make sure the refs remain.

• Done

• "…dresseswhose level of colour symbolically reflected the gap between the nationality law demanded by the Alliance, and the law of land they represented.." perhaps "dresses ranging in colour from white (equality) to black (absolutely unequal). The different dress shades symbolically reflected the gap between the nationality law demanded by the Alliance, and the law of land they represented."

• Done

• link League of Nations

• Done

• Link Convention on Certain Questions Relating to the Conflict of Nationality Laws to "The Hague Convention" and Statelessness to "stateless" and perhaps add "because of nationality law conflicts".

• Done. I also realised this bit is timing wise in the wrong section.

• Fix "tofight"

• Done

1929-1933:

• Noun before replacing pronoun, "she ridiculed those" should be "Bakker-Nort ridiculed those".

• Done

• "requirements for women to be appointed notary" do you mean restrictions? Surely there will always be qualification requirement to do a job, but equality demands equal access to those requirements.

• Yes restrictions

• Perhaps insert a ¶ at "When the Leipzig judge invited commission"

• Done

• should "particular the unlawfulness" be particularly?

• Done

• possibly link death penalty to Capital punishment

• Done

1934-1936:

• "on the labour market" seems odd to me. Perhaps it is a BE thing? "On" in AE requires a surface, whereas "in" is within a defined space. While I grant that one can be both on a street or in a street, I cannot picture on a market, unless it has a roof.

• Changed to in

• I assume "Where councils previously had been" means city councils, but I am curious to know if that extended to the private sector? In other words, could a private school teacher be terminated? How about a bookkeeper at a shop? or was this law only for public employees?

• Changed to city. Not sure what it was in the 1930s but in the 1950s women who worked in the private sector and got married were really supposed to resign. I'll have to check what the law actually was. I suspect in the private sector it was not illegal in the 1930s.

• Link "German Blood Protection Law" to Nuremberg Laws#Law for the Protection of German Blood and German Honour

• Done

• "Since in 1902 both the Netherlands and Germany had signed the Hague Marriage Convention, which laid out the rules for international marriages, parliament debated to what extent according to those rules the Nazi law would apply automatically to marriages involving German nationals." seems pretty long. Perhaps "Both the Netherlands and Germany had signed the 1902 Hague Marriage Convention, which laid out the rules for recognizing the validity of international marriages. The new Nazi law, caused the Dutch parliament to debate how to apply the rules of the convention to marriages involving German nationals".

• Done

1937–1940:

• Comma after "In 1937"

• Done

• "Democracy or dictatorship" should be in title case.

• Done

• "had to let erode some of the women's rights" reads awkwardly to me. Perhaps "had to allow some women's rights to erode".

• Done

• Comma after "In early 1938"

• Done

• Consider breaking at "chapters, spurred", i.e. "chapters. They were spurred"

• Done

• "sexual harassment female factory workers were subjected to" Link sexual harassment, and then change "to which female factory workers were subjected".

• Done

• Comma after "Bakker-Nort said in 1938"

• Done

• Possibly link Deportation to "deported"

• Done

• "she announced that she" possibly less redundant to say "Bakker-Nort announced"

• Done

Imprisonment:

• Comma after "In 1942"

• Done

• Insert a ¶ after "in December 1942", but remember to keep citations intact and change first occurrence of she to Bakker-Nort.

• Done

• Re "camp in Barneveld", I see three possible links. On wp.nl nl:Huize De Biezen and nl:Landgoed Schaffelaar, on en.wp The Saved. The English article is about a movie and seems to have applied "poetic license" showing only one camp. This indicates that the internees were separated into two estates. Unless we know which of the two camps she was housed in and can link directly to a Dutch article, I would probably just link it to the town and add a brief history section describing the two camps there during WWII.

• I created a whole new article Camp Barneveld

Death and legacy:

• "high work rate" possibly productivity?

• Not quite the same. One can put in the hours without producing much.

• Comma after "In 1992"

• Done

Publications:

• You can eliminate the error messages "Harv warning: There is no link pointing to this citation" by inserting |ref=none | in each citation.

• Done.

• All English translations of titles should be in title case.

• Done

References:

• Any title in Dutch needs an English translation in title case.

• Done

• Any title in English should be presented in title case regardless of whether the source did so.

• Done

• Atria Institute on gender equality and women's history is a name and should be in title case (it really annoys me that the page name is incorrectly titled)

• Done. I'll try to fix it without breaking it

• Algemeen Dagblad]] missing leading [[

• Done

Sources:

• Basch, Norma (1979); Gallagher Clarke, Ida Clyde (1924); and Glenn, John G. (1954) all have "Harv warning: There is no link pointing to this citation" and should probably be deleted.

• Done

• Any title in Dutch needs an English translation in title case.

• Done

• Any title in English should be presented in title case regardless of whether the source did so.

• Done

• ISBN sections mean stuff, i.e. first 3 digits defines which series (time), next digits the language code, next digits the publisher, next the specific title, and last digit an algorithm check for the rest. You have some with "-" and some without and some as 10-digits and some with 13-digits. They should all have "-" for the proper sections. This tool will put the dashes in the correct place, but you may have to run it twice to convert it to 13-digit standard.

• Done

• Add |author-link= | to citations for for Mineke Bosch, Francisca de Haan, Ellen DuBois, Sidney Bradshaw Fay, Pieter Oud, Willemijn Posthumus-van der Goot, and Anson Rabinbach.

• Done

Masterful job Edwininlondon! Very readable article (I was outraged and then laughing with her throughout. You've captured a good sense of her IMO). I genuinely enjoyed reading about her and learning how she weaves through other Dutch articles I have written. Please feel free to ignore anything you feel is inappropriate advice. Ping me if you wish to discuss anything further. I've marked the page, but pinging me is the safest way to ensure that I see what you might need me to see. SusunW (talk) 17:47, 29 June 2022 (UTC)

@SusunW: Thank you for the nice words. All done now. Finally. Got sidetracked and wrote a whole new article about Camp Barneveld. Thanks for all the help. I will take another fresh look and try to put it up at FAC this week. Edwininlondon (talk) 07:17, 4 July 2022 (UTC)

Edwininlondon Totally get that sidetracked thing. Happens to me all the time. Writing about A, runs across B, what the heck is that? Research write about B. Oh, yes, back to A. LOL Please let me know when you nominate it and I am happy to support. SusunW (talk) 13:02, 4 July 2022 (UTC)

Standard note

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