Wikipedia:Peer review/Beverly White/archive1

Beverly White

I've listed this article for peer review because I hope that I can make this article a Featured Article. This article was recently promoted to GA and I was surprised while originally writing the article. I initially thought that Beverly White would be a short start class article, but I instead found that she was a very active person and deserved far more.

Thanks, Jon698 (talk) 12:11, 22 July 2021 (UTC)

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 (talk) 02:42, 24 July 2021 (UTC)

Comments from DanCherek

• You may want to get the signature vectorized as an SVG (the folks at the Graphics Lab may be able to assist) for a cleaner look in the infobox
• "who would also become involved in politics" → "who also became involved in politics"
• "Club which she served as president of" doesn't flow very well, can this be reworded?
• The word "served" is used nine times in the lead, 10 times in the "Politics" section, and more beyond that; it gets a bit repetitive. Replacing many of the "served as" with "was" will help.
• "she would at times be the only" → "she was at times the only"
• Remove "the" before "Utah State University"
• Cal Rampton image caption needs a period at the end since it's a complete sentence
• Politics section: I mentioned above but most of these sentences are of the form "During the X, she served as Y." Some more variety in sentences would be good!
• "She would serve in the state house" → "She served in the state house"
• "required to prevent a primary" — should that be "runoff election"? Obviously there was a primary
• "who had run a write-in" → "who ran a write-in"
• "over sixty percent of the popular vote" — I don't think you need to specify "popular" as there is no separate electoral college–like system being run here
• It would be good to give a little more background about the $50,000 debt controversy
• "She aided in the creation of a satellite university" and "She aided in the election of Debbie Winn" — possible to be more specific here? What did she actually do?
• Abortion section — it sounds like she had mixed views on abortion so I would make that more clear in the first sentence.
• Typo in "Capital punishment" (not Capitol)

Nice article overall! If you have time, I also have a peer review open here for what I'm hoping will be my first FAC, and any comments would be appreciated. DanCherek (talk) 16:07, 30 September 2021 (UTC)

@Jon698: Want to make sure you saw the above comments. Z1720 (talk) 23:59, 12 October 2021 (UTC)

I am closing this PR as inactive, as the nominator has not responded to the above comments. They are welcome to open a new PR after the above are addressed in the article, if appropriate. Z1720 (talk) 02:44, 25 October 2021 (UTC)