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Wikipedia:Peer review/CNR Radio/archive1

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CNR Radio

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I've created it from scratch (it's about North America and Canada's first radio network) and would like a few second opinions, suggestions and contributions.


Thanks,

Reggie Perrin (talk) 05:05, 23 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by User:GeeJo

A nice, neat little article on a fairly obscure subject. Here are my first impressions, mostly minor fixes:

  • Lede: The lede is far too short. For an article this size, something similar to the ledes of Hurricane Irene (2005) or Homer's Phobia would probably be appropriate. See WP:LEAD for some advice.
  • Origins: "already established network" needs a hyphen.
    •   Done
  • Aims: Minister of Railways and Canals (Canada) could do with a link. Since everyone who has held that position has a Wikipedia article, it may be worth identifying and linking the person being quoted.
    •   Done
  • Aims: Use <blockquote> or one of the templates at Template:Quotation for quotations over a sentence or two. I prefer the former, myself.
    •   Done
  • Programming: There are a lot of one-sentence paragraphs in the section. If you can, try to merge them – it'll improve the flow.
    •   Done although a bit more expansion wouldn't hurt here
  • Programming: simulcast could do with being linked.
    •   Done
  • Programming: "Romance of Canada was a series of radio plays written by Merrill Denison was produced out of CNR's Montreal studios with renowned BBC radio playwright Tyrone Guthrie as director of the first 14 episodes." - needs an "and" and a comma.
  • Programming: "kindle in Canadians generally a deeper interest in the romantic early history of their country." - another one of these asinine MoS dictats, but since the quotation isn't a sentence in itself, the full stop needs to be outside the quotation marks.
    •   Done
  • Operations: 3 of the stations - Spell out three.
    •   Done
  • Operations: a strength of 500 Watts - Link Watts, insert a non-breaking space (& nbsp; without the space) between number and unit.
    •   Done
  • Operations: 3 of the stations, CNRA, CNRV and CNRO were owned by the CNR (and transmitted at a strength of 500 Watts) while the rest of the network was made up of "phantom stations" which consisted of time leased on existing privately owned radio stations which would use a CNR callsign during times of the day when it was leased by the railway after which the CNR station would "sign off" and the regular station would resume broadcast. - Run-on sentence, and quite hard to follow at the end.
    •   Done
  • Demise: One or two more one-sentence paragraphs
    •   Done
  • Demise: US => U.S.
    •   Done
  • Demise: "network - CPR Radio - but" Hyphens used instead of m-dashes.
    •   Done
  • Demise: Same sentence, the use of both "though" and "but" makes it read slightly clumsily.
    •   Done
  • Demise: "Liberal government" but "Conservative Party government". Be consistent.
    •   Done
  • Two 404s on the external links show up with the linkchecker. May just be temporary, but keep an eye on it.
    •   Done
  • I've no problem with the article being written in AmE, but be prepared for people to moan about an article on a Canadian subject not being written in CwE. No need to "fix" this, just pointing it out.
    •   Inconclusive "Canadian" English tends to borrow from both AmE and CwE; ideally, the article spellings should tend towards CwE for what is a British colonial topic of the time. However, I couldn't find any specifically American wording. Someone else will need to specify any AmE words to consider. Dl2000 (talk) 22:49, 6 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Marked some done items. Dl2000 (talk) 02:59, 1 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
... and some more. Dl2000 (talk) 22:49, 6 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
... all PR items addressed. Dl2000 (talk) 01:19, 8 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by SriMesh | talk 04:28, 21 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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