Wikipedia:Peer review/CNR Radio/archive1

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I've listed this article for peer review because I've created it from scratch (it's about North America and Canada's first radio network) and would like a few second opinions, suggestions and contributions.


Thanks,

Reggie Perrin (talk) 05:05, 23 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by User:GeeJo

A nice, neat little article on a fairly obscure subject. Here are my first impressions, mostly minor fixes:

  • Lede: The lede is far too short. For an article this size, something similar to the ledes of Hurricane Irene (2005) or Homer's Phobia would probably be appropriate. See WP:LEAD for some advice.
  • Origins: "already established network" needs a hyphen.
    •   Done
  • Aims: Minister of Railways and Canals (Canada) could do with a link. Since everyone who has held that position has a Wikipedia article, it may be worth identifying and linking the person being quoted.
    •   Done
  • Aims: Use <blockquote> or one of the templates at Template:Quotation for quotations over a sentence or two. I prefer the former, myself.
    •   Done
  • Programming: There are a lot of one-sentence paragraphs in the section. If you can, try to merge them – it'll improve the flow.
    •   Done although a bit more expansion wouldn't hurt here
  • Programming: simulcast could do with being linked.
    •   Done
  • Programming: "Romance of Canada was a series of radio plays written by Merrill Denison was produced out of CNR's Montreal studios with renowned BBC radio playwright Tyrone Guthrie as director of the first 14 episodes." - needs an "and" and a comma.
  • Programming: "kindle in Canadians generally a deeper interest in the romantic early history of their country." - another one of these asinine MoS dictats, but since the quotation isn't a sentence in itself, the full stop needs to be outside the quotation marks.
    •   Done
  • Operations: 3 of the stations - Spell out three.
    •   Done
  • Operations: a strength of 500 Watts - Link Watts, insert a non-breaking space (& nbsp; without the space) between number and unit.
    •   Done
  • Operations: 3 of the stations, CNRA, CNRV and CNRO were owned by the CNR (and transmitted at a strength of 500 Watts) while the rest of the network was made up of "phantom stations" which consisted of time leased on existing privately owned radio stations which would use a CNR callsign during times of the day when it was leased by the railway after which the CNR station would "sign off" and the regular station would resume broadcast. - Run-on sentence, and quite hard to follow at the end.
    •   Done
  • Demise: One or two more one-sentence paragraphs
    •   Done
  • Demise: US => U.S.
    •   Done
  • Demise: "network - CPR Radio - but" Hyphens used instead of m-dashes.
    •   Done
  • Demise: Same sentence, the use of both "though" and "but" makes it read slightly clumsily.
    •   Done
  • Demise: "Liberal government" but "Conservative Party government". Be consistent.
    •   Done
  • Two 404s on the external links show up with the linkchecker. May just be temporary, but keep an eye on it.
    •   Done
  • I've no problem with the article being written in AmE, but be prepared for people to moan about an article on a Canadian subject not being written in CwE. No need to "fix" this, just pointing it out.
    •   Inconclusive "Canadian" English tends to borrow from both AmE and CwE; ideally, the article spellings should tend towards CwE for what is a British colonial topic of the time. However, I couldn't find any specifically American wording. Someone else will need to specify any AmE words to consider. Dl2000 (talk) 22:49, 6 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Marked some done items. Dl2000 (talk) 02:59, 1 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
... and some more. Dl2000 (talk) 22:49, 6 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
... all PR items addressed. Dl2000 (talk) 01:19, 8 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by SriMesh | talk 04:28, 21 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]