Wikipedia:Peer review/Central African Republic conflict under the Djotodia administration/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I was thinking of nominating it for GA status as it is very thorough on the events that went on during the nearly year of the stage of the conflict this represents. It is now over. Also there is a dearth of Afria-related GA articles. It would be nice to see, from another perspective, how this matches up with GA criteria at WP:GA?.
Thanks, Lihaas (talk) 16:51, 6 February 2014 (UTC)
Comments by Jojalozzo
edit- The present perfect verb tense is used in much of the article. This is incorrect for an encyclopedia relating past events. Instead of "has been" or "has caused", use "was" or "caused", respectively. Remember, Wikipedia is WP:NOTNEWS.
- What is the topic and when did it start and stop? The first sentence says equivocally, "started essentially on 13 April 2013", and the second sentence says it's part of an ongoing conflict started in 2012.
- Pairing "essentially" with a specific day is confusing, but I think the lead sentence needs a complete revision that will eliminate that construction as a matter of course.
- I think the first sentence should emphasize that this is part of an ongoing conflict rather than something of major significance on its own. As I see it, the ongoing situation, that started in 2012, is primary with the time line punctuated by regime changes without there being a "start" of something new at each point other than the start of each regime.
- I also think the first sentence should state the period of time the topic covers since the Djotodia regime has ended.
- I think the neutrality of the last sentence of the intro could be improved by replacing "cleansed" with "segregated" or another term that doesn't connote malice.
- In the Militarisation section:
- I don't understand the following: "the writ of the state has apparently been effected with a prevalence of "insecurity" as a result of the proliferation of armed groups". I think the technical term for such writing is gobbledygook. "writ of state"? "apparently"?, "prevalence of \"insecurity\""?
- "fighters from Chad and Darfur, Sudan"? I request editors working on this page please review it carefully for grammar before requesting outside review. I'm stopping now. Please notify me when you have cleaned it up.