Wikipedia:Peer review/Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang/archive1

Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang

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Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang is the only non-Bond novel that Ian Fleming wrote. He did so shortly after suffering a heart attack and while he was supposed to be convalescing. Although he planned to release a story a year, he never saw this first one published, dying two months before it hit the shops. This has been through a bit of a rewrite recently and a trip to FAC is envisioned. - SchroCat (talk) 12:54, 25 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Tim riley

Booking my place, and shall look in with suggestions shortly. Tim riley talk 13:08, 25 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Most pleasing piece. Precious little from me:

"While recuperating, one of Fleming's friends—probably Sir George Duff-Sutherland-Dunbar, according to Fleming's biographer Andrew Lycett—gave him a copy ..." – It was Fleming, not the friend, who was recuperating. You want something on the lines of "While Fleming was recuperating, one of his friends—probably Sir George Duff-Sutherland-Dunbar, according to Fleming's biographer Andrew Lycett—gave him a copy ..."
"the strain of writing new Bond novel was too much for him, so he asked for a pen" – missing an indefinite article and you know my views on strong-arming "so" to serve as a conjunction in formal English.
"completed preliminary drawings for the project, the The Daily Mail refused" – duplicate definite article.
"He produced some trial sketches, but Fleming rejected these" – perhaps a simple "them" rather than "these"?
"The New York Times's list of best selling children's books" – needs a hyphen, and if we're avoiding theoretical ambiguity I'd make this "best-selling books for children".

That's all I can find to carp about. Tim riley talk 07:45, 27 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

All duly attended to. Thanks very much for these - you have, as always, tetigisti-ed the rem acu with these. Cheers - SchroCat (talk) 08:19, 27 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Alavense

Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang was serialised in The Daily Express - It should be "the Daily Express", as in other instances throughout the article.
By March 1961 the author Ian Fleming had published nine books at the rate of one a year: eight novels and a collection of short stories. - Can it be stated that they are all about James Bond?
but may also have been inspired by early aeronautical engineer Letitia Chitty - Why "also"?
An obscene song from the First World War song
10s. in the text but then 10s in the note. Which one is correct?
Since its initial publication the book has been re-issued in hardback and paperback editions and has never been out of print - Maybe "and, as of 2024, has never been out of print"?
considered that the first two volumes of Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang, "would make - No need for the comma.
The unnamed reviewer for The Birmingham Post through
Both Oscar Turnill, writing for The Sunday Times and Townsend - A comma is missing after "The Sunday Times".
The author Richard Usborne, reviewing for The Daily Telegraph also reviewed - A comma is missing after "The Daily Telegraph'". It would also be better to avoid the repetition of reviewing and reviewed.

That's what I saw. Kind regards, Alavense (talk) 20:09, 25 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks Alavense - all dealt with. - SchroCat (talk) 07:27, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Enjoyable read, SchroCat. Kind regards, Alavense (talk) 07:29, 26 August 2024 (UTC)[reply]