Wikipedia:Peer review/Constitution Square State Historic Site/archive1

Constitution Square State Historic Site

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This article just passed a GA review, and I'd love to take it to WP:FAC and net a coveted Four Award. Despite relatively limited information, I think this turned out to be a pretty interesting article about a pretty small park. I know already that there are some problems with my use of the {{convert}} template in a couple of places, so I'd appreciate some help with that as well. Let me know what you think. Does this article have a chance at FAC? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:58, 12 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Will review, comments to follow. Mark Arsten (talk) 18:54, 19 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"From 1937 to 2012, it was a part of the Kentucky state park system and operated by the Kentucky Department of Parks." Might want to say "Since 1937, it has been part" to avoid sounding like it was closed in 2012.
- But it's no longer a part of the state park system nor operated by the Kentucky Department of Parks. They turned it over to the government of Boyle County in March 2012. That's what I'm trying to communicate. Is that not coming across? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - lol, I must have read the first two sentences, written that, walked away, and forgot about that when I read the rest or something. My bad. Mark Arsten (talk) 00:39, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"including the courthouse that housed ten constitutional conventions between 1785 and 1792 and ultimately led to Kentucky's separation from Virginia." Might want to rephrase this, it almost sounds like the courthouse led to the separation of the states.
- Better now? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - Yep, looks good. Mark Arsten (talk) 00:39, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
Keep in mind, you can use the "adj=on" field on conversion templates, i.e. {{convert|3|acre|sqkm|adj=on}}
- That's the bit I was looking for about the {{convert}} template. Thanks. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In the third paragraph of "History", you start several sentences with "In 18XX, " might want to try for some more variation.
- Yeah, this is the disadvantage of only having one source for that large chunk of time. Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The brick courthouse became the main building of the seminary and was used as a hospital to treat wounded soldiers – both Union and Confederate – in the aftermath of the Battle of Perryville" might want to note that this was during the Civil War for people with limited knowledge of U.S. history.
- Good point. Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"History" is kind of a long section, might want to consider adding subsections.
- Added one subsection. Is it OK to have just one, or does it need two, as with outlining? Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
  - No, I think this is Ok. Mark Arsten (talk) 00:39, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"With the conclusion of the war and the ban on nonessential construction lifted," When was the ban lifted? Mark Arsten (talk) 20:39, 22 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- I'll have to research that a bit. The sources I used don't say. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:03, 23 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
In "Presbyterian meetinghouse", you might want to describe the structure earlier in the section--just a thought though.
- Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The garden is maintained by the [http://www.thegardenclubofdanville.org/ Garden Club of Danville] and named for one of its long-time members.<ref name=schell /> I don't think you're supposed to put external links in the body like that.
- Probably not. Another editor came along and dropped that in shortly after my expansion. Probably looking for a little publicity for the club, which I can understand. Wonder if it would be appropriate in the External links section. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"features a variety of herbs that would have been commonly cultivated" Why not use "were" instead of "would have been"?
- Good suggestion. Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"One of the few extant references to the Club outside the extensive minutes of its meetings taken by Thomas Speed is an entry in the journal of a U.S. Army paymaster named Major Beatty" Might want to give Speed's minutes their own sentence.
- Yeah, I wanted to keep Speed's assessment of the membership as close as possible to the list of prominent members, but this just isn't working. Revised. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The replica that now stands in Constitution Square presently houses the offices of the Convention and Tourism Bureau and The Great American Brass Band Festival." I'm not sure if you need "now" and "presently" here.
- Removed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Boyle County now plans to turn the house into a conference center." Not sure you need "now" here.
- Removed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
A few shot sentences in the "Fisher's Row Houses" section.
- Combined. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"These houses lie on Second Street" Is "lie" the best word here? (not sure)
- It may be "lay". I changed it. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"Watts-Bell House" Should this use an endash?
- Probably. I hate dashes. Changed. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"with the museum store remaining there as well." maybe "while retaining the museum store as well"?
- Reworded. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
You could probably stand to combine a couple of the sentences in the first paragraph of "Events".
- Done. Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
"The event, conceived just ten weeks prior by a local couple, was very successful, " What do you mean by "successful", how so?*Why was the arts festival discontinued in 2012, lack of funds, I presume? Mark Arsten (talk) 00:54, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]
- Changed to "popular"; I think that's more appropriate. There were no details about why the arts festival was discontinued, but speaking from experience, you draw a bigger crowd with barbecue than art! hehe Acdixon ^{(talk · contribs)} 13:38, 26 June 2012 (UTC)[reply]