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Wikipedia:Peer review/Darnestown, Maryland/archive1

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Darnestown, Maryland

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I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to get it to Good Article.

Thanks, TwoScars (talk) 16:05, 6 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General

  • The lead doesn't summarise the article.
Made some minor changes including discussing the impact of the C&O Canal and the railroad. TwoScars (talk) 20:02, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • It could do with a thorough copy edit to tighten up the prose (see a selection of examples below)
Microsoft Word is OK with the grammar and spelling. I will go through it again once it is finalized. TwoScars (talk) 20:02, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The Geography section focusses far too much on administrative and demographic geography (which could be covered in the demography section) and has little about physical geography (rivers, forests, hills etc)
Will add a paragraph and photo or two. TwoScars (talk) 20:02, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • The history section looks a little unbalanced but I do appreciate sometimes in small settlements, nothing happens, and that sources can also be tricky to find.
The town had a period from 1880 to 1960 where it was a dying community. I'll try to explain that better. TwoScars (talk) 20:02, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • "It is 16.39 square miles (42.4 km2) with the..." What is, the CDP or the unincorporated area?
Fixed, and addressed land area vs. total area. TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "....existed in the 1800s and continues today". One of those copy edit moments I was referring to earlier. Just, "...has existed since 1800" is all that's needed here.
Made change. Used "about 1800", since one could argue about counting earlier names or only Darnestown. TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...who was the largest land owner near the beginning of the 19th century". Largest land owner? what, in the world? Also, I would be inclined to say '...at the beginning' rather than '...near the beginning'.
Changed to "The name Darnestown comes from William Darne, who owned the most land in the area at the beginning of the 19th century when the community Post office opened." TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The area began being settled around 1750". Began being? What about saying, 'Settlement in the area began around 1750'?
Made change. TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...and the tiny community had been called Mount Pleasant and then Darnes before the name Darnestown began being used". What about simply saying, '...the tiny community was called Mount Pleasant and then Darnes before Darnestown'?
Changed to "Settlement in the area began around 1750, and the tiny community was called Mount Pleasant and then Darnes before the name Darnestown began being used." TwoScars (talk) 20:30, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Beginning with the 2000 census, the Census Bureau created a Darnestown census-designated place". Why not just say, 'The CDP was created for the 2000 Census'?

More to come. --Ykraps (talk) 17:24, 3 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

History

  • "The first European (mostly Scotts and English)..." The people may have been Scots but the settlement would have been Scottish.
Changed Scotts to Scottish, with same Wikilink. TwoScars (talk) 19:07, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...were established in 1688, and were near Rock Creek and what became Rockville". '...were established in 1688, and were near Rock Creek and what became [was to become] Rockville'.
Made change. TwoScars (talk) 19:07, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...in Montgomery County, Maryland". Did either Montgomery County or Maryland exist in 1688? If not, might be better to say, the area that became, like you have with Rockville, later on in the sentence, and Poolsville and Darnestown in the one following.
Montgomery County did not exist until 1776. Changed to "what would become Montgomery...." TwoScars (talk) 19:07, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...he was still listed as postmaster in 1850". To avoid awkward repetition of postmaster, you could say, and was still listed as such in 1850.
Made change. TwoScars (talk) 19:07, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'm not sure that naming all these non-notable people adds anything to the article.
Replaced tavern owner and blacksmith with "The community also had a tavern and blacksmith." TwoScars (talk) 19:07, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • If you have dates when the first store, post office, tavern and blacksmiths opened, that would be interesting but just saying, a tavern opened (at some unknown point in Darnestown's history) is not.
Replaced "The community also had a tavern and blacksmith." with "By the 1820s, the community had a wheelwright, mill, blacksmith, physician, and other businesses." TwoScars (talk) 19:28, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Among area mills", sounds awkward. What about mills in the area included... Also, probably better to list in chronological order, so Seneca Mill first.
Made change in wording and order. TwoScars (talk) 19:35, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The Darnestown area became occupied during 1861..." What about The Darnestown area was occupied in 1861... or occupation of the Darnestown area began in 1861?
Changed to "The Darnestown area was occupied during 1861 by 18,000 Union troops." TwoScars (talk) 19:35, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The community of Seneca existed on the edge of the Darnestown District and now the Darnestown CDP, on Seneca Creek near the Potomac River". Not sure I understand this sentence. Does the community still exist? The first part of the sentence indicates it no longer exists (existed) and the second part suggests it still does (now).
Will work on this. It still exists if you say a few old houses, ruins, and a museum qualify it as existing. I will check with the US Geological Survey to see if they consider it a populated place. TwoScars (talk) 19:55, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Seneca is a populated place according to the USGS, so I have made changes to acknowledge that it still exists. TwoScars (talk) 21:12, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • Shouldn't Seneca be a sub-heading of historic places? (One more = sign on each side to make it a level 4 heading).
Changed to level 4 heading. TwoScars (talk) 19:55, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

  • Consider putting the stuff about historical districts in the History section.
  • I would expect this section to include information on:
  • The underlying geology
  • Any notable geographical features
  • Highest and lowest points
  • Notable rivers - What type of river and where it starts and finishes
  • Percentage of land covered by housing, farmland, forest etc
  • Flora and fauna - any rare plants or animals found there, predominant vegetation
  • Any areas that are protected or of interest to ecologist (what in the UK might be called a Site of Special Scientific Interest)
  • etc
  • Add the abbreviation parameter to the convert template on subsequent uses. IE {{convert|16.58|sqmi|km2|abbr=on}}, displays as 16.58 sq mi (42.9 km2)

Demographics

  • "The Darnestown CDP had 2,064 housing units, a total area of 17.69 square miles (45.8 km2), and a land area of 16.58 square miles (42.9 km2)". This doesn't appear to add up. Earlier, we were told that the Darnestown CDP had an area of 16.39 square miles so how does that 17.69 square miles of housing fit in? Also, what does the second figure refer to; land left over?
Will work on that. The Census figures from 2000 and 2010 differ. The difference between the total and the land is water—lakes, rivers, streams, etc..... TwoScars (talk) 21:12, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I have changed the text to better explain 2000 vs. 2010. TwoScars (talk) 19:17, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • There's a nasty repetition of square miles throughout the section. Adding the abbreviation parameter, as discussed above, will help or you could rewrite to avoid some of it.
  • "The average number of housing units per square mile (housing density) was 124.5 inhabitants per square mile". Is this a typo? The number of inhabitants per square mile is population density not housing density.
Trouble with the conversion function. The numbers are correct, but they are units per square mile. I had to fix the problem by doing the conversion manually. TwoScars (talk) 19:17, 7 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Current

  • "In Bloomberg's 2020 Index of the 200 richest communities within the United States, Darnestown was ranked 50th in the country". Either remove 'within the United States' or 'in the country'. You don't need both.
Dropped "in the country". TwoScars (talk) 19:55, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • If there are no native Americans or Pacific Islanders, I don't see a need to mention them. Or, you could just put at the end, There are no native Americans or Pacific Islanders living in the CDP.
Dropped native Americans and Pacific Islanders. TwoScars (talk) 19:57, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Economy

  • The data are?
  • "The data based on the Census Bureau 2012 Survey of Business Owners lists 881 firms in Darnestown". Seems like it needs some commas. UK/US comma usage does differ somewhat so I might be wrong but I'd put one after 'data' and one after 'owners'.

More to come. --Ykraps (talk) 11:09, 5 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I couldn't find anything obvious in the remainder of the article so I think that's about it from me. Good luck with the Good Article Nomination, when you get round to it. Best --Ykraps (talk) 08:12, 6 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

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