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Wikipedia:Peer review/Final Fantasy XIII/archive1

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Final Fantasy XIII

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to receive feedback on how to improve this unreleased video game. Thanks! Gary King (talk) 16:39, 10 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]


WP:VG/RS should be helpful here. RPGFan, Eurogamer, Shacknews, and Joystiq are all listed there as reliable. Gary King (talk) 16:51, 10 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Good enough for me. Thanks for letting me know. –Juliancolton Tropical Cyclone 17:08, 10 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Guyinblack25

edit

I assume this is undergoing peer review so it can be included in a FT. So I tried to pick appart the prose. Here are the issues which stood out to me:

Lead
  • Needs rewording; minor trimming and the game is "developed" yet:
    "...upcoming console role-playing game bothbeing developed and to be published by Square Enix who will publish it for..."
  • Missing comma:
    "...game features a futuristic, high-tech world..."
  • This sounds better to me:
    "...The game containsshares a common mythology with..."
  • This sentence seems a bit hard to follow. I don't have a suggestion though.
    "Motomu Toriyama, director of Final Fantasy X-2 and director and scenario writer of Final Fantasy XII: Revenant Wings, will direct and write the game's story."
    I would, however, move it to the "Development" section and in its place in the lead put:
    "Motomu Toriyama, a director and scenario writer of previous Final Fantasy titles, will direct and write the game's story."
Gameplay
  • "Also" is redundant here when used with "while":
    "...maintain the strategic nature of command-based battles, while also including the excitement..."
  • I think "the" is more appropriate here since no other systems have been mentioned:
    "Thise system stemmed from a desire to create..."
  • The general reader has no expectations about RPG game screens, so I think this part is not needed:
    "...battle sequences are integrated into the world environment, eliminating the need for separate battle screens."
  • Technically "very" is redundant here, but I would remove it because it gives the tone of a magazine review. That's just me though:
    "...expected to work very differently from its predecessors."
  • The content about Toshiro Tsuchida feels like it should be in the "Development" section.
  • I don't know if this is the intended meaning, but I think this is more descriptive:
    "...with the current command in use turninghighlighted yellow."
  • This just sounds off to me, but I don't know enough about the game to offer a solution I assume it represents a part or aspect of the mode and not the whole mode:
    "...a circular-shaped gauge, representing the "Overclock" mode."
  • Sounds weird to me:
    "...rides and can use ice to create its path to drive on."
Plot
  • I would begin this section with an introductory statement to segue into the information already there. I don't know much about the game but I normally start with something like: "The plot focuses on..."
  • Personally, I really don't like bulleted character lists in articles like this. But that's my own preferences on style. I don't think the names should be in bold per WP:MOS.
Development
  • I would remove this phrasing as it seems too wordy and I believe "either" is reserved for two objects:
    "...but is neithernone are a prequel or a sequel to either of the other installments."
  • I don't think "both" is necessary here, but it's your call:
    "Both tThe engine and the game were originally slated to be used with..."
  • This sentence does not seem relevant to the topic.
    "Square Enix has licensed Epic Games' Unreal Engine 3 to use on a number of other upcoming current generation titles but will still use Crystal Tools for Final Fantasy XIII."
  • Minor tweak and trim. "Several" just sounds better to me and FFXIII doesn't need to be stated because we're not talking about any other games:
    "Someeveral of the developers of Final Fantasy XIII have worked on previous..."
  • Has this happened or is it planned to happen?
    "Occasionally, developers from Final Fantasy Versus XIII assist with Final Fantasy XIII development."
  • If you do move some of the development content from the lead and "Gameplay" sections, I would split the paragraph into two paragraphs; one on concepts and design and another on the technology.
Release
  • The beginning is too wordy. Also, E3 2008 sounds like a fan name to me. I personally just refer to them all as E3.
    "At E3 2008, dDuring Microsoft's media briefing at the 2008 E3, it wasSquare Enix announced..."
Sources
  • They look good to me. I would check the magazine archive for some extra sources as the release date approaches.

Hope this helps. It looks like it's on it's way to at least GA. Keep up the good work. (Guyinblack25 talk 21:20, 10 October 2008 (UTC))[reply]

Okay, I think The Prince of Darkness got everything here. And I'm re-adding the bold for the Characters because it's common in film articles to do so (it's in the WP:FILM guidelines there somewhere, and perhaps even in WP:VG). Gary King (talk) 16:19, 11 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I don't think it's the same with VG articles, but it doesn't really matter. The bulleted list should be converted to prose anyway. The Prince (talk) 16:29, 11 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I believe MOS:FILM only has the cast and crew in bold. Either way, I don't think it should supersede WP:MOS. (Guyinblack25 talk 22:16, 11 October 2008 (UTC))[reply]
Okay, unbolded Gary King (talk) 22:27, 11 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 13:13, 11 October 2008 (UTC)
The Yahoo! reference isn't from the article. RPGFan has a staff of editors. GameTrailers is operated by Spike TV, as stated right in your FAC cheatsheet. Shacknews has an editorial staff. I replaced Joystiq with a Techtree link; they have an editorial process. Gary King (talk) 16:05, 11 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Gary, we need to see not just an editorial staff but that they are actively involved and there is fact checking going on. Ealdgyth - Talk 17:22, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Hm alright; I've never had to prove the reliability of a source because they were always reliable, and if they weren't, then I'd replace them. In this case, however, these sources are useful enough to use in the future so I'd like to hash this out right here.
  • GameTrailers has an editor-in-chief, etc. as seen in an interview. They also had some controversy when their editorial process failed in one event, in which they explained a bit more on how their system works. Also, they have an "expert editorial staff". Here is the website's editor-in-chief's biography on GameTrailer's parent company, Spike TV.
  • There are several reliable sites that have quoted ShackNews: Register Hardware, GameSpot, GameSpot #2, IGN, IGN #2.

Gary King (talk) 18:20, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Argh. Sorry, Game Trailers is fine, I meant to strike it. RPGfan still needs proof. I've corrected it above. And I agree, hashing it out on the PR is better than at FAC. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:24, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I marked RPGFan with {{rs}}; I don't think they should be considered reliable, but I will leave them in here until I find replacement references. Gary King (talk) 18:34, 16 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Why isn't there any comment on the fact that the Xbox 360 announcement was a bombshell in the context of waning PS3 exculsivity? IGN commented upon it [1], and GameSpot discussed the possibility of FF13 as part of a multiplatform trend a year prior [2]. I'm sure a little digging will reveal even more. --Hydrokinetics12 (talk) 04:57, 21 October 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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