Wikipedia:Peer review/HMS Pearl (1762)/archive1

HMS Pearl (1762)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because… I think it has potential for improvement. I created it 2017 and took to GA in 2018, after which I went on to other things. I am left wondering however, whether, with some work, it might be possible to get it to another level such as A class or FA. Pearl served in the American and French revolutionary wars and was present during some notable events. All feedback appreciated.

Thanks, Ykraps (talk) 07:14, 28 June 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Hog Farm

Sorry to see this has set around for so long, I'll take a look at it. Hog Farm _Bacon 14:49, 3 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

Needs a short description
Done - Copied from a similar article so hope it's okay.--Ykraps (talk) 05:26, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Is there an applicable link (s) for fifth-rate frigate?
Linked in the main body; now linked in the lead. Thanks.--Ykraps (talk) 05:26, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
River Delaware is a very odd construction. As an American, I've always seen Delaware River. You also use Delaware River later.
Okay, don't mind doing that. Interestingly, British English doesn't care much and if anything, River (Thames) is probably more widely used than (Thames) River.--Ykraps (talk) 05:26, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Add Howe's rank
Done - Vice-admiral at the time. Or do you want C-in-C?--Ykraps (talk) 05:26, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What nationality is Esperance from?
Done - French. Also added Santa Monica's nationality for good measure.--Ykraps (talk) 05:26, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I'll get to the rest of the article later. Hog Farm _Bacon 14:53, 3 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

General comments

Consider adding the ability to collapse the table, since it is so long.
Added.--Ykraps (talk) 17:42, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Notes 1 and 3 need citations, and note 4 needs citations in the manner of the rest of the article, rather than just slinging in author's name and page numbers.
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 17:42, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Link as many of the geographical features as possible.
I'll drop these in as I copyedit.--Ykraps (talk) 17:37, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Main body

Check to see if any of the cannons mention have any articles that can be mentioned
Only the 12-pounder long gun.--Ykraps (talk) 17:42, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The prose and the infobox give different dates for when the ship was laid down.
Fixed.--Ykraps (talk) 05:45, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" in April to fight the revolution and she was present" - Bizarre wording here, at least to me
Can you expand a bit here? Is it calling the war a revolution that you don't like?--Ykraps (talk) 05:45, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"he was forced to let them go" - I feel like the better pronoun should be it
Changed to obliged.--Ykraps (talk) 05:45, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Suggest when you convert nautical miles into kilometers, you also convert it into regular miles
Not sure that's possible with the templates. Also, I wondered whether it should be converted at all given that the nautical mile hasn't been a consistent length.--Ykraps (talk) 05:45, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
" enemy shipping. [5][27]" - Extraneous space in here
Removed.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"She came up with the chase at 09:00 and engaged for an hour and a half before she struck" - You need to drop at least one of the pronouns, as it's not obvious who she is
Rewritten to make less ambiguous.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Be more consistent with your naming of American ships. You use American, Continental, and rebel, at least. I don't think rebel is a good word here.
Continental is used to denote a vessel of the Continental Navy which was supplemented by many privateers. American is used for privateers or when the distinction is not obvious. I have changed rebel for American. May I ask if that's a term you find offensive? You've mentioned it twice now.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
It's just not a great encyclopedic term. MILHIST generally doesn't use rebel in contexts like that, unless it's vague rebel usages. Rebel isn't even used in American Civil War GAs, generally.
Okay, no worries then.--Ykraps (talk) 17:37, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"left Boston on 3 November 1778 two days after Byron's " - Comma after 1778
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"On 10 December, William Hotham with a convoy of 5,000 troops, escorted by a small squadron comprising two 64-gun and three 50-gun ships of the line, a bomb vessel, and two frigates.[35] arrived at Barbados" - Remove the full stop after frigates
Removed.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
You use both tons burthen and tons burden. Be consistent. burden is probably better given the time frame this ship was active in
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Link dismasting, if there's an applicable article.
There is indeed. Who'd have thought.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Link the ship class snow. I've only heard of a snow once before.
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"comprising 4 large ships at anchor" - MOS:NUMERAL
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
What's Ragusan
Of or pertaining to Ragusa. It's linked on the first mention (I think).--Ykraps (talk) 12:11, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
"Porto Ferrajo remained in British hands until the end of the war however" - Not a good place to put however
Moved.--Ykraps (talk) 17:37, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I feel like the rename warrants a mention in the lead and infobox.
Done.--Ykraps (talk) 17:37, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Personally, I think this probably passes the comprehensiveness requirement of MILHIST ACR, although you probably have a better idea than me. Disclaimer - This was only a brief review. I only skimmed it. I'd flag a lot more in a more thorough review for A-Class or FA. Personally, I'd recommend sending this one through a copy edit. The prose is rather choppy, and prose expectations are much higher at ACR and FAC than at GA. Hog Farm _Bacon 01:30, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I was beginning to think that I might have to close this without receiving any feedback so thanks very much for taking a look, even a brief one. I will answer all your points in due course. Best regards--Ykraps (talk) 05:15, 4 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for looking at this, your input has been valuable.--Ykraps (talk) 17:37, 5 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]