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Wikipedia:Peer review/Halo: Combat Evolved/archive2

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Halo: Combat Evolved

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Archive 1

After completely rewriting and heavily adding to this article, I believe it is coming close to featured article quality. Though I already plan on having it copyedited, I thought I should get some extra ideas on what to fix up before attempting FAC. Any suggestions are welcome. JimmyBlackwing 05:33, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Only problems I see aren't anything a good copyedit wouldn't fix. The only really bad sentence I saw was in the gameplay section: "the game is strongly focused on combat, and gameplay takes place almost entirely in the first-person perspective, while allowing the player to freely move, look up, down or to either side". It perhaps should be two sentences (especially given the prior use of a semicolon). The mention of shields replacing hit points is a little odd (I first thought it read "shields depleted of hit points"). Other than those few odd sentences, it looks really good. Nifboy 07:02, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the response. I'll fix the things you mentioned to give the copyeditors less problems to deal with. JimmyBlackwing 08:03, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Good work. A few suggestions:
  1. The last sentence of the intro (about Red vs. Blue) seems out of place.
  2. That being said, to end the lead with criticism puts the emphasis in the wrong place.
  3. "The player character is "Master Chief John-117",..." Reference? I don't remember him having been identified that way.
The article is very well-organized, but some of the prose is awkward. (Words like "being", for example, are good to avoid.) I'd say the criticisms of the first peer review, few inline citations and not enough reality-based information, have been well-addressed. -- bcasterline • talk 16:17, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I was talking to a friend about how halo doesn't make any sence. If there was a big ring like that in space, no matter how large it was, there would be no Surface gravity, since you would be pulled up just as much as you are pulled down. My friend suggested that the ring must be rotating. are there any sources for any of this, and could it be included in the article? Jon513 17:35, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
A wizard did it (Read: Attempting to reconcile a fictional universe and real-world physics is an exercise in futility). Nifboy 21:43, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I've read thorugh most of the article and believe it is very good. However some spellcheck is required, with typos and repeat words hiding in several places. I went ahead to reword/correct the "Gameplay" paragraph, but had not the time to fully check the rest. One thing that bothers me is the use of many short sentences when these could be easily linked, but this is probably something purely subjective. BTW, in "Gameplay" a section reads as follows:
"Halo features vehicles, ranging from technicals and hovercraft to giant tanks and aircraft, several of whom can be controlled by the player; the game switches to the third-person perspective during vehicle use. Halo is credited with presenting one of the first successful sets of controls for a first-person shooter on a video game console."
Is there a link between the presence of vehicles and Halo's lauded usage of controls? If so (as I believe it is), this should be explained better, otherwise the second sentence ought to be moved somewhere else. - Berserker79
Good point. I'll see what I can do about the placement of the "controls" sentence. JimmyBlackwing 11:04, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Here are some other suggestions/things to consider:
  1. In "Synopsis/Setting" it is stated: "Halo takes place in an original science fiction universe." The extent of "original" should be explained, since there is a number of SF novels which have been confirmed or regarded as sources for the Halo storyline (see relevant paragraph in Halo (video game series).
  2. Again in "Synopsis/Setting": "After a series of crushing defeats, the UNSC established the SPARTAN-II Project". I seem to recall this is what the game manual says, but according to The Fall Of Reach the SII program started before the war with the Covenant as a weapon to be employed against human rebels. This likely happened because the game was published well before Nylund wrote his novel, but personally I'd consider the novel's version as canon.
  3. In "Synopsis/Plot": "Keyes has accidentally released "the Flood", a parasitic alien race...". This is not fully correct: the Covenant caused the release and Keyes merely opened one of the vaults. The situation is better explained in the novel The Flood, but in game a comment by 343GS also indicates the Covenant's fault, as he said something like: "I believe the other species on Halo are responsible for releasing the Flood, as they seem to be interested to enterany restricted zone." I believe this refers to the Covenant and their search of Forerunner technology to loot.
  4. In "Reception" the section talking about the "Game Of The Year" awards is a bit messed up.
That's all for now, I'll try to look out for some typos now. Berserker79 12:31, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
I have taken care of your first three suggestions. However, I do not really understand the fourth one. How, exactly, is it messed up? Looking through it, I see no major issues. JimmyBlackwing 12:59, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Sorry if #04 sounded "obscure", fact was the following sentences had been written two times consecutively: "The game received numerous Game of the Year awards, including that of the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences. Electronic Gaming Monthly, Edge and IGN also awarded it Game of the Year.". I've fixed that myself right now. Berserker79 15:25, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, I see. I'm not sure how I managed to miss that. Thanks for taking care of it. JimmyBlackwing 15:26, 11 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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