Wikipedia:Peer review/Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary/archive1

Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I'm interested in getting feedback in preparation for an eventual featured article bid. Comments on style, substance, or anything in between are welcome and appreciated! Give me a review and you can guilt trip me into giving you one!

Thanks, Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 01:57, 15 January 2013 (UTC)

Comments from Wikipedian Penguin: This wasn't a bad game, although I preferred Reach personally. The graphics in Combat Evolved Anniversary looked really crisp compared to the original game, that's for sure! But as for the article, here's my review. Apologies if it isn't as thorough as you'd like it to be. Exams are a nuisance.

• There are a few "citation needed" tags scattered throughout the Development section that need removing/replacing. Also worth noting is a xbox.com dead link found using the checklinks tool. I'd also recommend that the soundtrack track lists be sourced, even if to a primary source.
• Sourcing and citations generally look fine, although xboxacheivements.org does not appear to be a strong source. Towards the end of the ref list, there are a few bare urls that should be formatted.
• Prose is OK for the most part, but needs a some effort to get into tip-top shape. I spotted a few grammatical and stylistic inconsistencies, so a look-over would be beneficial. I'd recommend a thorough copy edit for clarity and cohesion, if you have plans for FA. With that said, I've offered general observations and points from the introduction.
• Shortened versions of titles and names are always used except for the first occurrence in the body, for which the expanded name is used. So on first instance, say "Halo: Reach", but after that, always write just "Reach". It's more consistent that way. The same applies for 343 Industries (343i) and names of people.
• "The game reached gold status on October 15, 2011, and was released a month later on November 15, 2011, the 10th anniversary of the original title's launch." – there isn't much point in saying that a game was released a month after a date then giving the date itself that it was released. So, cut "a month later".
• "After considering remaking the game entirely or a port of the PC version with added features..." – I play computer games, but this isn't clear to me. What is meant by a "port of the PC version"?
• "Saber decided to overlay their own game engine over the original graphics..." – "own" is needless, since "their" makes the possession clear.
• "Anniversary's updates to the original title include a complete visual overhaul; support for cooperative and multiplayer gameplay on the Xbox Live online service; new and remastered and sound effects and music; and extras such as achievements, multimedia 'terminals', and other hidden easter eggs." – why is "terminals" in quotation marks?
• "Reception to Anniversary was generally positive." – what kind of reception? From fans, casual gamers and/or critics?
• Subject—verb agreement: "The updated graphics, sounds, and ability to toggle between the remastered and original visuals was praised." – should be "were praised".
• "Complaints included technical glitches, faults with the original game's level design, and the implementation of the game's multiplayer offering." – why would they complain about the original game? Explain? And "and the implementation of the game's multiplayer offering" isn't quite clear to me.
• "Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary's gameplay and plot are nearly identical to Halo: Combat Evolved, with the addition of new features." – cut "the addition of". Needless phrase IMO.
• Unless absolutely needed in the context, look for unnecessary adverbs that can be weeded out without altering the meaning. For example, "Players can freely switch between playing the game with the original 'classic' graphics or new graphics by pressing the Back button on the controller"; "Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary was officially announced to the public with a trailer on June 6, 2011".
• I'd recommend a very brief and run-down plot overview of the game, because the article must stand alone. Many gamers (and readers) hadn't played the original Combat Evolved after all.
• To me, shortening Halo: Combat Evolved Anniversary down to just Anniversary doesn't sound very encyclopedic. There also seems to be some inconsistency of the italicization of "Anniversary" that needs ironing.
• This is a little repetitious: "In addition to original music from Halo: CE, additional tracks are as below."

Well, that's about it from me. Great work and a very interesting read too. I watch-list any reviews I do, so feel free to leave questions. Cheers. —WP:PENGUIN · ^{[ TALK ]} 23:03, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! I'm working on the issues you brought up now. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 20:02, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

No problem. I'll surely let you know when I need a helping hand! —WP:PENGUIN · ^{[ TALK ]} 21:10, 2 February 2013 (UTC)

• Overall this looks in pretty good shape, a few minor comments:
• The date formats are inconsistent.
• I'm not sure the paragraph break in the "Audio" section is in the best place, I'd move it.
• "while the original game had imbalanced elements, 343 Industries decided that preserving the original game experience players remembered was more important than trying to improve on the original." This feels a bit wordy to me, is there a good way to tighten it?
• "redoing keyframed character animations was off-limits because redoing them could introduce gameplay bugs" Some repetition of "redoing" here.
• Check for logical punctuation, I saw a few commas inside of quotes.
• "During the promotional period anyone who ordered a Halo pizza received two free days of Xbox Live Gold membership." What is a Halo pizza?
• Might want to note which St. Petersburg you mean.
• I made some copyedits, feel free to revert if any of them are problematic. Mark Arsten (talk) 19:30, 7 February 2013 (UTC)
  • Thanks for the comments (and the copyedit!) I'll see about addressing your concerns today or tomorrow. In regards to "Halo pizza", it's a Halo-branded pizza, or do you mean what toppings, etc. make it a Halo pizza (not a whole lot.) Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs^(talk) 20:31, 7 February 2013 (UTC)
    • Well, no need to list the toppings, I tweak the mention slightly.
• "343 Industries, the internal division, approached Saber Interactive with a proposal to remake Combat Evolved for the game's tenth anniversary." I think "the game's" might be ambiguous here since you've mentioned two games in that paragraph.
• "Those who pre-ordered the game would receive a code to download John-117's Mark V MJOLNIR armor for their Xbox Live avatars. " I'd consider "received" instead of "would receive" here, but that might be a preference issue.
• Alright, that's all I have, this looks like it's in pretty good shape. Mark Arsten (talk) 19:54, 8 February 2013 (UTC)