Wikipedia:Peer review/Hurricane Kathleen (1976)/archive2

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I've listed this article for peer review because I want comments prior to sending this here.

Hurricane Kathleen was unusual. It formed where most Pacific hurricanes, but raced north, and made landfall in Mexico as a tropical storm. It then produced major flooding across south and central California, especially in Ocotillo. 10 people died, including 1 in Arizona and 2 indirect deaths. Damage total is $160 million.

Hope you like it, YE Pacific Hurricane 20:25, 6 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: Mainly prose issues.

Lead
  • "Hurricane Kathleen was a hurricane of the 1976 Pacific hurricane season". Three "hurricanes" in the first ten words. Try to rephrase with a little less repetition
  • The observation: "It also took an unusual path" is isolated. You need to give a brief indication of why the path was unusual, or withdraw the remark from the lead. See WP:LEAD: "Do not hint at startling facts without describing them."
  • You have both "ninth" and "9th"
    • Removed. 16:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC)
  • "Kathleen finally dissipated late on the September 11." ?
    • Yeah. 16:24, 3 December 2011 (UTC)
  • Combine these two short sentences: "Flooding caused catastrophic destruction to Ocotillo, California. Six people drowned in that city."
Background
Meteorological history
Arizona
California
Wyoming and Montana
  • In Wyoming, the cyclone is credited with the first known sighting of a White Ibis in the state's history." A little context is required for this rather odd sentence.

I hope these observations are helpful. Also, the toolbox (top right of this review) reveals one link to a disambiguation page. Brianboulton (talk) 12:09, 21 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Josve05a

edit
  • Checklinks found 1 dead links out of a total of 18 links

-(tJosve05a (c) 23:21, 22 November 2013 (UTC)[reply]