Wikipedia:Peer review/Ian McDiarmid/archive1

Ian McDiarmid

Could someone read through this and tell me what edits need to be made? I plan on referencing the information soon, I just haven't done it yet. It would also help me if you could show what parts i should spend my time putting references up for. Additionally, i'm in the beggining stages of fleshing out the 'selected stage work' section as well as the 'plays directed' section. i'm using this link for my information: http://www.ianmcdiarmid.de/html/theatre.html I sorta just realized that had roughly 70 plays listed on it. (yikes!) i don't think a list of 70 plays will fly. i don't know that much about theatrics to be able to tell which ones to select. perhaps the ones he directed as well as the ones from the almeida theatre? Ideally, this article will become attain a good article status, but i'm aiming for featured article. any help will be appreciated. b_cubed 20:29, 20 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I'm anything but an expert in this stuff and it might actually be wise to ignore what I have to say because it could even do damage, but I'll just voice my observations on what I think could be improved: I think it should be more of a 'complete' biography (in the traditional sense) and have its focus distributed more evenly across various facets of his life and character. Right now, other points seem to exist only to the extent that they support the part about his role in Star Wars. Also the opening, I think, should perhaps focus more on only the most salient and necessary of points and leave other things of lesser interest (the schools he attended and whatnot) to be filed away under appropiate sections. I haven't even read this page but it is official policy and I'm sure it explains it better than I, so you might like to check it out. --Clngre 03:43, 24 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Made Mega edits on this article since first posting it for a peer review. Only one person has given me some advice and I need more reviews. I mainly want to know:

what still needs cited
what should be fleshed out more

Any other advice is more than welcome. Thanks =) b_cubed 21:45, 27 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Mmoyers review

This is a very interesting article, but there is too much indirect phraseology and unnecessary info, and too many "weasel words". I also find some of the prose awkward.

"He has had a successful career; being cast in many plays, while occasionally directing others. " How about "He had a successful stage and directing career", or, if number are available, "He had a successfule career, acting in 42 productions and directing 17 others."

"He is ~~perhaps~~ most famous for his role as Palpatine..."

"Their tenure was marked by a string of highly successful performances involving 'big name' actors usually seen in films such as Kevin Spacey and Joseph Fiennes." How about, "During this period notable screen actors, among them Kevin Spacey and Joseph Fiennes, were featured in several productions."

"While other non-human roles, such as Yoda, R2-D2, C-3PO, and eventually Chewbacca, were all played by their original actors, all the other human roles were recast with younger actors. (A partial exception to this is James Earl Jones reprising his role as the voice of Darth Vader at the end of Revenge of the Sith - see the Darth Vader article for more details). " I would strike all this; the article is about McDiarmid, not the Star Wars movies. The follow-up sentence, "McDiarmid has the distinction ..." covers it all nicely.

"While he had previously achieved little recognition for this role, except ~~for recognition~~ from fans, he received widespread attention and critical acclaim for his expanded role in the prequels."

Overall, the article, save for four sentences, only covers his acting career. More info about his personal life would round it out. Examples: marital status, children, residence, hobbies. Hope this helps! Mmoyer 00:23, 2 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I took most of these into consideration and made the appropriate edits. I didn't make all the changes simply because some of them (including personal life info, which is proving to be rather slim) will require a little more work on my part right now, and i'll simply have to get back to it when i get some more time. thanks b_cubed 04:01, 2 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]