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Wikipedia:Peer review/James Hogun/archive1

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James Hogun

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to get it to A-Class and then FAC as part of my goal to bring all of North Carolina's Continental Army generals up to FAC-level. I'm worried about this one because so few sources discuss him, and because he was relatively unknown. I would like several editors' opinions as to (a) whether this article is or could be made FAC-worthy, and (b) whether the article suffers from any technical or prose defects. Many thanks for your help!

Thanks, Cdtew (talk) 15:07, 27 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments - Dank (push to talk)

  • "was a military commander from North Carolina during the American Revolutionary War. Hogun was one of only five generals in the Continental Army from North Carolina during that conflict.": Your call of course, but my preference would be something more concise, along the lines of: was one of only five Continental Army generals from North Carolina in the American Revolutionary War.
  • "Initially a major in one of North Carolina's later-created Continental regiments ... of the regiment": Initially a major in the 7th North Carolina Regiment ... of (however you want to describe it)
  • "interment": internment
  • "a parole, which": a parole that ("a" usually takes "that")
  • "23-years prior": 23 years prior
  • "officers commissions": officers' commissions, or officer commissions
  • "1777—78": en-dash.
  • In general, search for "due to", and consider WP:Checklist#because.
  • I got down to James Hogun#Promotion and Philadelphia. - Dank (push to talk) 19:05, 17 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: G'day, just a few minor nitpicks from me:

  • this is the wrong type of dash: "and was present at Valley Forge in the winter of 1777—78" (it should be an endash, rather than an emdash in the date range);
  • this probably needs a second comma for consistency: "to the British Army on May 12, 1780 along with approximately..." (after 1780)
  • this doesn't quite look right: "Clark, Walter (1906). "James Hogun". In Samuel A., Ashe" --> "Ashe, Samuel A."?
  • title case for consistency: "Biographical History of North Carolina from colonial times to the present" --> "Biographical History of North Carolina from Colonial Times to the Present"
  • is there a page range that could be added to the References for Clark's chapter in Ashe?
  • same as above for Rankin in Powell? Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 23:25, 27 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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