Wikipedia:Peer review/John C. Calhoun/archive1

I have recently nominated this as a Featured Article Candidate, but was unable to gain consensus for promotion. I believe that the primary issue was with referencing. There are 5 books citations without page numbers, 4 of which from the same source, that should have them. I'm looking to see if anyone can offer me good advice before I renominate this as an FAC.

Thanks, Display name 99 (talk) 16:13, 4 August 2016 (UTC)

Comment by Iazyges

For the "As a prominent leader of the war hawk faction, Calhoun strongly supported the War of 1812 to defend American honor against Britain." Perhaps an expansion on what exactly they stood for, if that was all they stood for, or if their was something else. The "He sought the Democratic nomination for the presidency in 1844, but lost to surprise nominee James K. Polk." bit is slightly unclear as to if polk won just the nomination, or else became president (Which he did), perhaps the addition of a "Who then went on to win the election and become the 11th president" should be added to it. The "Yet Calhoun was known as the "cast-iron man" for his ideological rigidity" loses something due to its proximity with "In contrast with his previous nationalism" Which negates the claim of ideological rigidity, perhaps if it was explained why he changed his views it may be better. For "In 1957, a Senate Committee selected Calhoun as one of the five greatest United States Senators of all time" Perhaps a link to an article about this, while their is a link to source, a direct link would be better. The "His father had joined the Scotch-Irish immigration from County Donegal to the backcountry of South Carolina." Could be better worded. For "however, when his father died, his brothers were away starting business careers" perhaps a short list of what careers they took on. For "The family decided he should continue his education, so he resumed study of Latin, Greek, history, and mathematics under a local tutor." Is the tutor's name known? If so are they notable enough to get an article? Also a lot of quotes dont have quotation marks. For "In January 1811, Calhoun married Floride Bonneau Colhoun, a first cousin once removed." Perhaps a short piece on whether it was upwards or down I.E. which one was a generation older than the other. "in which she humiliated key allies of President Andrew Jackson." Such as? "One colleague hailed him as, "the young Hercules who carried the war on his shoulders."[23]" Which one? (If it is known). "Calhoun, however, realized how badly prepared the nation had been in 1812.[26]" This sentence is rather pointless as it does not elaborate, perhaps it should be moved to the next paragraph that is about the army itself? "Calhoun continued his role as a leading nationalist during the "Era of Good Feelings"." This is the second time it has been referenced, both times it hasn't been explained. "He spoke for a national bank, for internal improvements (such as harbors, canals and river navigation) and a protective tariff that would help the industrial Northeast and, especially, pay for the expensive new infrastructure.[37]" A short list of a few major people or projects he supported would be good. "The subsequent peace meant that a large army, such as that preferred by Calhoun, was no longer considered necessary, and in 1821 significant cutbacks were made.[38]" Again an interesting lead, but no follow up, both the effects that the people felt due to that treaty and the cutbacks should be expanded upon. "As secretary, Calhoun had responsibility for management of Indian affairs. He promoted a plan, adopted by Monroe in 1825, to preserve the sovereignty of Eastern Indians by relocating them to western reservations they could control without interference from state governments." Perhaps a link to the plan? "In over seven years Calhoun supervised the negotiation and ratification of 40 treaties with Indian tribes." Perhaps a link to an article listing those treaties? "A reform-minded modernizer," Redundant. "he attempted to institute centralization and efficiency in the Indian department, but Congress either failed to respond to his reforms or responded with hostility." Perhaps a list of his proposed reforms? "Calhoun's frustration with congressional inaction, political rivalries, and ideological differences spurred him to create the Bureau of Indian Affairs in 1824.[41]" Needs expansion, even if it is just a few sentences, or even one to talk about what the Bureau of indian affairs does. "but hoped that his election would bring some reprieve from Adams's anti-states' rights policies." Policies such as? "Calhoun thus became the second of two vice presidents to serve under two different presidents, the other being George Clinton, who served as Vice President from 1805 to 1812 under Thomas Jefferson and James Madison.[44]" This could be better worded, I had to re-read it three times to get it. "However, Calhoun's service under Jackson also proved contentious due largely to the Nullification Crisis and the Petticoat affair.[23]" This could be better placed in the next paragraph. "Calhoun supported the idea of nullification through a concurrent majority." While it does a good job explaining nullification concisely, it doesn't explain concurrent majority at all. "which occurred despite the fact that, unknown to them, Rachel's previous husband had failed to finalize their divorce." What? " Jackson replaced all but one of his Cabinet members, " Which was? "When Whig president William Henry Harrison died in 1841 after a month in office," Perhaps stating what he died of, if it is known. That is all my constructive criticism. Iazyges (talk) 03:12, 10 August 2016 (UTC) @Display name 99:

Iazyges, thank you for your comments, although, in the future, I urge you to use bullets. I apologize for the delay, but am writing to inform you that I have taken care of everything that I believe can be dealt with that you have listed. Most of the suggestions were very useful and the article has significantly improved by their implementation. Here are a few issues:

• ""He spoke for a national bank, for internal improvements (such as harbors, canals and river navigation) and a protective tariff that would help the industrial Northeast and, especially, pay for the expensive new infrastructure.[37]" A short list of a few major people or projects he supported would be good." You have one right there.
• I do not think that there is an article listing all 40 treaties that Calhoun signed with the American Indians.
• I disagree with your statement that the statement "However, Calhoun's service under Jackson also proved contentious due largely to the Nullification Crisis and the Petticoat affair.[23]" could be better placed in the next paragraph. That statement should not be included in the "Nullification" section because it applies just as much to the Petticoat affair, and should be used to lead the reader into both sections.
• I do not find President Harrison's cause of death to be notable for inclusion in the article.

Once again, thank you for your assistance. I welcome any additional helpful comments that may be given. Display name 99 (talk) 14:44, 17 August 2016 (UTC)