Wikipedia:Peer review/Kala (album)/archive1

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because it is currently a GA and I would like to know what work needs to be done to get it to FA standard.

Thanks, ChrisTheDude (talk) 11:53, 28 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This article is in good shape and seems close to ready for FAC. I have a few suggestions for further improvement.

Lead

  • The first sentence includes a parenthetical instruction to the reader to do something. I'd omit this on grounds that Wikipedia articles avoid addressing the reader directly. "You" is the implied subject of the sentence, "See 2007 in music".
  • M.I.A. - Generally abbreviations are spelled out on first use. Suggestion: "Kala is the second studio album by British musician Mathangi "Maya" Arulpragasam (M.I.A.), released in August 2007
  • "The album features a variety of musical styles" - Delete "a variety of".
  • I'd recommend against linking common terms such as "musician" and "dance". It's hard to imagine readers who would have to click on a link to find out what they mean.

Composition and recording

  • It might be interesting to read, briefly, what the visa dispute was about.
  • A. R. Rahman has periods and a space, but DJ Znobia does not. Should they be the same for consistency?
  • "where a school of 22 drummers, The Tapes, were recorded for Kala" - A bit puzzling. Is the school called The Tapes or is the group of drummers called The Tapes? Is "school" being used to mean something like "school of fish" or does A. R. Rahman run a school at his studio?
  • "after Znobia was involved in a car accident. She" - Assuming that "she" refers to M.I.A. rather than Znobia, "M.I.A." would be more clear here than "she".
  • "M.I.A. and Switch used Apple's Logic Pro" - Rather than linking Apple and Logic Pro sequentially, which looks like a single link, you might say, "relied on Logic Pro, a digital audio workstation to record and edit the music".

Music and lyrics

  • "Kala is named after M.I.A.'s mother, following on from her previous album, Arular, which was named after her father." - Slang, I think. Suggestion: "Kala is named after M.I.A.'s mother. Her previous album, Arular, was named after her father."
  • " 'Boyz' and 'Bird Flu' utilise" - Replace "utilise" with "use".
  • "reference various Jamaican dance" - Remove "various".
  • "as the least like club music" - Wikilink "club music".
  • Consider spelling out MC on first use.

Artwork

  • A link to "fractal" might be more helpful than a link to "neon".

Promotion and accolades

  • In the paragraph starting with "Kala achieved a high placing on most publications... ", the references should be placed right after the punctuation, if any, rather than before it. For example, (Stylus Magazine[43]), should be (Stylus Magazine),[43].

Critical reaction

  • "Whilst commenting that" - The Manual of Style deprecates "whilst". Use "while".

References

  • The "retrieved on" date normally includes the day and month as well as the year. In a citation like #53, it's OK to check the link and use the date of that check as the "retrieved on" date. Checking #53 just to try this out, I noticed that the cited article lists a publication date and a group of authors. Where possible, it's good to include author(s) and publication dates in the citations. I suggest fixing these before going to FAC.

Images

  • You might consider moving the Afrikan Boy image to the left so that the people in the image look into the article rather than out. The article could use at least one more image. Why not use Image:M.i.a.1.jpg? The image licenses on this one and the two you already have look OK to me.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 19:46, 2 February 2009 (UTC)[reply]