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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I would like tips on how to improve the article towards the eventual goal of turning it into an FA, it's been a GA for a couple of years now but I find that the prose can be tweaked and improved further.
Thanks, Ευπάτωρ Talk!! 16:02, 27 February 2010 (UTC)
Finetooth comments: This is an interesting article that I was glad to read. It falls well short of FA at this point, in my opinion, but it has potential. I think you need to add more context for the non-Armenian reader and to make more clear how Arbovian's social and political views affected his literary output. It seems odd to an outsider that his work was unpublished for so long. Did he try to publish? Was the work suppressed? Here are my other thoughts and suggestions:
Lead
- The lead should be an inviting summary of the whole article and should include nothing important that is not mentioned in the main text sections. My rule of thumb is to include at least a mention of each of the main text sections. The existing lead mentions his Abovian's influence on Armenian literature (which is not mentioned in the main text) but does not mention his early life, the mountain climbing, his Dorpat years, or his portrait, and it does not say much about his other writing. If you imagine a reader who can read only the lead and nothing else, you get a sense of what the lead should be.
Early life and career
- "At the age of ten his father took him to Echmiadzin to study for priesthood." - Suggestion: "When he was ten, his father took him... ". Otherwise at first glance the sentence appears to say that his father was ten.
Dorpat years
- "Abovian entered the university directly without additional preparation and studied in the Philosophy faculty of the Philological-Historical department... ". - Suggestion: "Abovian entered the university directly without additional preparation and studied philosophy... ".
Death
- "Given his love for his children and their young age it is generally disregarded that Abovian committed suicide." - "Disregarded" isn't the right word. Suggestion: "Because he loved his young children, it is generally doubted that Abovian committed suicide."
- "A bust of Abovian in front of the Yerevan State Pedagogical University named after him" - If the school is called Yerevan State Pedagogical University, how is it named after Abovian?
Other works
- "Pedagogical compositions of Abovian include the book for reading Introduction to education (1838), a textbook of Russian grammar and an Armenian language novel History of Tigran, or a moral manual for the Armenian children (printed in 1941)." - By "the book for reading" do you mean "the reader" or "the reading book"? Is 1941 the correct date?
Legacy
- "Yerevan's State Pedagogic Institute was named after him." - In what sense? His name does not seem to be part of the institute's name.
- "On February 28, 1964, a medal was also named in his honor (Աբովյանի Անվան Մեդալ) and which was awarded to school teachers who showed exceptional abilities in teaching and education." - A bit awkward. Suggestion: "On February 28, 1964, a medal was also named in his honor (Աբովյանի Անվան Մեդալ). It is awarded to school teachers who show exceptional abilities in teaching and education." (I assume this is an annual award rather than a single award given only in 1964.)
Portrait
- "Abovian's portrait is one of the most unique samples of the Museum of Literature and Arts after Charents." - A thing can be unique, but it can't be "most unique" because unique means "sole". Also, "samples" does not seem to be the right word, and "after Charents" is puzzling. Suggestion: "Abovian's portrait is unique among the works in the Charents Museum of Literature and Arts.
Notes
- I'd suggest moving the Armenian Wikisource link to the External links section.
Further reading
- You can usually find missing bibliographic information via WorldCat. For example, here is a link to the Harper and Bros. edition of the Parrot book.
Other
- The dabfinder in the toolbox at the top of this review page finds one link that goes to a disambiguation page instead of the intended target.
- The alt text viewer shows that all of the images need alt text. WP:ALT has details. You can also see ongoing reviews of alt text at WP:FAC. Suitable alt text is one of the FA requirements.
- Would it be helpful to readers to include a brief description of where Armenia is in the world and how it is or has been related to Russia, Turkey (the Ottoman Empire), and the Persian Empire?
- Why did it take so long for Abovian's work to be published? What eventually caused it to be published? Why was the establishment of the Armenian SSR important to his reputation?
- This suggests to me that the image of the statue should not have been uploaded to the Commons because Armenia has a non-commercial (NC) restriction in its "freedom of panorama" law. It would be wise to delete this image and look for another.
I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 05:41, 11 March 2010 (UTC)