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Wikipedia:Peer review/Leah LaBelle/archive3

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Leah LaBelle

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Previous peer review

Hello. I have listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to nominate it for FA in the future and welcome any comments to make that process smoother. This would be the first biography article that I take to the FAC level and I am quite nervous about that so I wanted to get as much feedback as possible here prior to trying that. Thanks, Aoba47 (talk) 01:55, 27 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Urve

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Quick glance-through

  • Thank you for the link! I have only recently started to use this citation style so it is greatly appreciated. I really need to learn more about tools like this. I would have kept reading over my mistake without it. Aoba47 (talk) 18:28, 8 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • was worried about the reliability of the obit but it seems fine
  • the cite for The Silver Bracelets being the first Bulgarian rock band is ok. I would prefer a more reliable source (it's fine) but none exist from a quick look
  • Thank you for checking. I could not find further resources on this, but I think there is a language barrier at play here. I would also imagine that coverage about them could be restricted to print sources given the time they were active. Aoba47 (talk) 18:22, 8 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • is the source for "Following an industry contact's advice, she created a YouTube channel on December 1, 2007" the youtube channel or is it the citation at the end of the sentence? does whatever source explicitly say it is following advice from a contact?
  • I have cited the YouTube channel as that explicitly mentions the date she created it. I must have accidentally deleted the source that covers the industry contact part. I have added it back in. Thank you for noticing this. Aoba47 (talk) 18:22, 8 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • source for Sexify and Lolita's peak chart positions? not in the table so unsure
  • Thanks. The tabular reference is for another song unless I'm misunderstanding something. But it's cited in the prose, so that works for me. If it will work for FAC folks, I have no idea. Urve (talk) 19:10, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • I double-checked the citations used in the table and they all go to the appropriate sources for me (with the song title and chart position in the citation). If possible, could you clarify which reference you are referring to? Aoba47 (talk) 19:19, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Just for clarification, the citations for the chart positions are on the top of the table underneath the chart title. The citation for "What Do We Got To Lose?" is there to support that it was a single since it did not appear on any charts. Aoba47 (talk) 19:21, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Her full name Leah LaBelle Vladowski is referenced in her obituary" - could use commas before and after name; unsure if that's necessary, but reads better to me
  • I agree that commas just looks better as well. I am pretty bad with commas so I am not sure if they are necessary or not either, but I have added them anyway. Aoba47 (talk) 18:24, 8 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

All for now. It looks good to me Urve (talk) 04:45, 8 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ashley

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  • During this time, LaBelle was mentored the Total Experience Gospel Choir's founder Pat Wright is probably missing a "by".
  • Should "Grand Prize" be capitalised?
  • She placed twelfth during the season finals, after performing a cover of The Supremes' "You Keep Me Hangin' On" - I think per MOS:THEBAND, it should be "the Supremes'" since it's in continuous prose?
  • The same year, she was included American Idol Rewind is probably missing a preposition.
  • "Lolita" reached number seven on the Billboard Dance Club Songs chart and peaked at number 264 on the official Tophit airplay chart. I might be wrong but according to MOS:NUM, Comparable quantities should be all spelled out or all figures: we may write either 5 cats and 32 dogs or five cats and thirty-two dogs, not five cats and 32 dogs. So should this be "number 7" and not seven?
  • in 2009, she was featured on Kumasi's single "Angel" from his debut studio album The One. "Kumasi" doesn't have an article so will it be beneficial to introduce who he is?
  • That is a very good point. After some research, I can only say that he is a rapper with absolute certain. I would ideally like to add his nationality, but I am not completely certain. Aoba47 (talk) 17:35, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • did background vocals for Nelly's seventh studio album M.O - can "did" be replaced with "provided" or another word?

That's all from me. Excellent work on the article, it is very well-written and well-formatted. Good luck with the FAC. :) --Ashleyyoursmile! 07:12, 10 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Pseud 14

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Looks detailed and generally well-written, but I noticed that each sections read more like a magazine article with inclusion of quotes in every paragraph. I've learned from mentors who had done peer reviews for BLPs to limit quotations as much as possible and only when it is necessary. Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift or Mariah Carey would be good examples for structure and stylistics.

  • In the lead: 'she was a finalist on the third season of American Idol. After placing twelfth in the season finals' - perhaps the second sentence can be fused to first --> 'she was a finalist on the third season of American Idol, placing twelfth in the finals.' Then start with when she got to Berklee and mention the year she started attending.
  • 'LaBelle attended Garfield High School, where performed in a jazz band led by Clarence Acox Jr.' - you may be missing a 'she'
  • To make it less repetitive when referring to her age, I would alternate "at the age of #" with "at age #" or "at #"
  • LaBelle grew up listening to music with her mother, including jazz and the Beatles, but felt the most connected with R&B. -- needs some tidying, you can probably omit mentioning her mother, as it you did mention that she was raised by her mother in the preceding sentence, this can focus on her growing up listening to jazz and the Beatles.
  • 'Along with singing, LaBelle also participated in beauty pageants' -- you can probably omit 'Along with singing' and just begin with her participating in beauty pageants
  • During the song's recording, she was mentored by one of its producers, but he would later focus on his work with Rihanna instead. -- who is the producer? If not notable, perhaps we can remove mentioning this
  • That is true. I have removed this sentence. She does mention the producer (Evan Rogers) by name in an interview here. However, the interview was conducted on LiveJournal so I highly doubt that it would acceptable for use on here, especially for a featured article. Unfortunately, I could not find any other source that covers this, which likely shows that it is too trivial to mention here. Aoba47 (talk) 15:03, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • She had first met Williams when she was 17; she told him that he would produce --> She first met Williams when she was 17 and told him that he would produce...
  • which was hold over the weekend of the 55th Annual Grammy Awards ..> should be 'held'
  • The standalone-single, "Lolita" --> not sure what a standalone single is, could be non-album single or promotional single? perhaps we can just refer to it as a 'single'
  • If possible, I would prefer to use standalone-single. It is something used in articles like the Lady Gaga one. It does mean the same thing as a non-album single as both refer to songs released without an album. I think it is important to clarify "Lolita" was not connected with the sampler album and was not released in support of really an album. I'd imagine it was probably supposed to be her debut album, but that is speculation on my part. A promotional single is something different from a single. I would not refer to "Lolita" as that unless sources did the same. Aoba47 (talk) 15:11, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • That is a good point. I will have to think on it more. It is best to use terminology that it is the most conventional so more readers can understand it and so it will hopefully keep things consistent across more and more articles on here. You actually are convincing me with your response so thank you for taking the time to do so. Aoba47 (talk) 17:05, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • LaBelle featured on Brian Cross' single --> was featured
  • a $10,000 scholarshipunder her daughter's name --> need spacing

Hope the above is helpful. Very minor stuff that I listed. Have not gone through the other comments so I apologize if there would be repetition. Reading through it, I think it could benefit a copy-edit from GOCE, only if you're not in a hurry to put this up to FAC. It would help in the flow and structure of the article. But I will leave that up to you. Pseud 14 (talk) 01:27, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • @Pseud 14: Thank you for your comments. I will request a GOCE copy-edit as I am not in any rush for a FAC. I would rather have it done right. I used to ask for help from the GOCE a lot in the past, but I have gotten some sub-par copy-edits from them the last few times, which ultimately turned me away from them. But, you are right. It is always good to get another perspective and there are some great editors in that project. Thank you again for your help. I hope you are having a great end to your week! Aoba47 (talk) 15:13, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • @Aoba47: Glad I could help in some way. Agreed, sometimes I'm unsure if the copy-edit makes it better or worse. And by that I mean, you don't know what you're getting come FAC process post c/e, and copy-editors sometimes don't share the same perspective as FAC reviewers, so you're torn which way to go, as it almost certainly comes down to personal preferences of how prose or MOS should be. Good luck with your first BLP! Surely with your experience it will go well during the nomination process. Enjoy the rest of your week as well! Pseud 14 (talk) 15:30, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]
  • Thank you for the kind words! To be clear, a majority of my experiences with the GOCE have been positive so I do feel bad for saying anything negative. I agree completely with what you say about this. It really does come down to personal preference. It is super exciting to go at least a little outside of my comfort zone for a change. And you have help to improve the article immensely. Feel free to contact me anything if you need any help with anything and I will try my best to do so. Aoba47 (talk) 17:07, 15 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from SNUGGUMS

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I'll assess the prose later. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 14:43, 1 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]

  • Thank you for looking through the images. That has always been my weakest point. Unfortunately, I only have one alternative image (File:LeahLaBelleYouKnowIGotSoul.png) for the Crocodile Cafe one and I would say her face is covered/obscured even more in that one. I have tried looking for other photos and reaching out to people, but I have not had much success, although I am not good at this part of Wikipedia. While I see your point, I still think it is nice to have an image of LaBelle performing, but I will restart my search for hopefully clearer images. Thank you again! Aoba47 (talk) 18:08, 1 August 2021 (UTC)[reply]
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