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Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Manchester United F.C. players (25–99 appearances)/archive1

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List of Manchester United F.C. players (25–99 appearances)

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I feel that it should almost be ready for Featured List standard. It is the second of three Manchester United player articles (which are split up due to size), the first of which is already a featured list. This follows a similar format.

Thanks, 03md 21:12, 25 November 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: The list looks good to me, although I know virtually nothing about association football. I have a few suggestions about matters of prose, style, and layout.

Lead

  • "when they entered the First Round" - Should this be "first round" without caps?
  • "The club won its first significant trophy in 1908 - the First Division title." - Rather than using a hyphen here, I would suggest rewriting. Suggestion: "The club won its first significant trophy, for its First Division title, in 1908."
    • The division name was First Division and it is used until today to describe that division (in addition it was the 1st division in england)
  • "They were also crowned Champions of European football on three occasions by winning the European Cup." - Maybe "when they won the European Cup" would be a bit smoother. I'm assuming that the cup is awarded automatically to the champion team; that is, winning the cup and being crowned champion amounts to the same thing.
  • "Since playing their first competitive match, more than 800 players have made a competitive first-team appearance... " - Not all 800 played in the team's first competitive match. Would it be more clear to say, "Since the team's first competitive match, more than 800... "?
  • "The striker joined the club... " - Link "striker" to Forward (association football)?
    • A Forward is the gerneral name for player who are the nearest to the opposing team's goal, Basicly the Striker is the point of the spearhead whos mission is to strike goals.
  • "He was part of the Premier League winning side in the 2007–08 season... " - To make this more clear for foreigners and more tight, maybe "He was part of the side (team) that won the Premier League in 2007–08... "?
  • "Tevez also won the UEFA Champions League in 2008 and the Football League Cup the following season." - Might it be more accurate to say that "Tevez also was part of the side that won the... " since he did not win the league or the cup by himself?
  • "Billy Whelan, Arnold Muhren and Diego Forlan all played 98 matches in all competitions for Manchester United." - Tighten by deleting "in all competitions"?
  • "Northern Irish defender Jonny Evans is the closest player still at the club to 100 appearances..." - A bit awkward. Recast as "Among active players, Northern Irish defender Jonny Evans is the closest to 100 appearances as of November 2010"?
  • Does it matter that Jonny Evans is Northern Irish? If so, why?
    • It doesn't matter at all as it is plain team and not national team, so it could be removed if necessary.
  • Is it necessary to say "in all competitions" in the caption? Would it change the meaning to delete it?
    • Yes it will, There are over 7 diff competitions that the team can play at, so it can clear its overall and not just plain league.
  • The image and caption, at least on my computer screen, overlap a section boundary. Shortening the caption a bit would fix the problem.
    • Show good in this end, but iv'e reduced it to 130px.

List of players

  • "wartime matches are regarded as unofficial and are excluded" - Would it be helpful to specify exactly what years "wartime" includes?
    • It could be, and the war times mean arround and in World Wars, both the first and the second.
  • The Manual of Style suggests using straight prose rather than bulleted or numbered lists when feasible. The two-item list at the top of this section could easily become a two-sentence paragraph. That's what I recommend. WP:MOS#Bulleted and numbered lists has details.
  • I'm not sure you need to explain the table headers. If you eliminate this list, it will improve the layout. See List of FA Trophy winners, for example. "Sub" might be the exception, but I think you could handle this by changing "Positions key" to "Key" and adding "Sub" to that small table.
  • I would recommend unbolding the items in the "Key". The Manual of Style suggests limiting bolding to a very few special cases. WP:MOSBOLD has details.

Notes

  • "A utility player is one who is considered to play in more than one position." - Tighten to "A utility player can play more than one position"?
    • It basicly means that he can play in any position the manager need, Back or Middle field, but we can clear it more.

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 23:42, 5 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I have responed to some of the above, will do the rest in a while
  – HonorTheKing (talk) 14:59, 6 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Cheers mate. I will make sure you are a joint nominator when it goes to FLC. 03md 17:10, 7 December 2010 (UTC)[reply]
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