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Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Prime Ministers of Pakistan/archive1

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List of Prime Ministers of Pakistan

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take it to featured list status. Please have your comments/suggestions for further improvement.

Thanks, Zia Khan 01:44, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • "Head of Her Majesty's Government." don't think head should be capitalised. Also I thought Pakistan is a republic? So why is it called Her Majesty's Government?
  • "after the establishment and the creation..." establishment and creation are more or less the same thing so I would just use one, would also state why it was established/created
  • You need to explain why the Governor-General can change Prime Ministers
  • "although he held the post for only 13 days" -> although he only held the post for 13 days
  • "Zulfikar Ali Bhutto entered the office who was overthrown by Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq, and the country went again into the Martial law" few things that need clearing up. Why was Bhutto overthrown? Why did the country enter into martial law? Also you never stated it was previously in martial law
  • "After nearly seven years, Muhammad Khan Junejo was appointed as Prime Minister by Zia" seven years of what? is zia the same person as before? How come he is now dismissing Prime Ministers?
  • "Benazir Bhutto and Nawaz Sharif were predominent during 1988–99" predominant at what? I have no idea what you're trying to say here
  • "two non-consecutive term each" term should be terms
  • "Shrif was overtaken by Pervez Musharraf through a military coup d'état in 1999." typo and overtaken should be overthrown
  • "of Pakistan Peoples Party" need to add the after of
  • "Of twenty-two Prime Ministers who have held office since the introduction of the position in 1947, seventeen have ealected by the National Assembly, and five have served as caretakers." -> Of the twenty-two Prime Ministers who have held office since 1947, seventeen have been elected by the National Assembly and five have served as caretakers
  • You have 13 in one para and seventeen in the sentence above, be consistent as to whether you use digits or words
  • I see no reason, why all the prime ministers cannot be in one table
  • Do those colours meet WP:ACCESS? I'm not sure they do, colour normally needs a symbol as well, for those who are colour-blind
  • "Suhrawardy made his foreign policy" what does that mean?
  • "he also was" -> he was also
  • "Junejo was elected as tenth" the before tenth
  • "Jatoi was appointed by the President Khan after instance of this further down
  • "Sharif elected" -> Sharif was elected
  • ref 11 no need for BBC News to be capitalised
  • ref 14, I get a different title then is given and you need to add the author
  • ref 22 needs a publisher
  • Story of Pakistan is in italics in one ref and not in another, be consistent
  • you need to indicate what language ref 30 is in, as its not ing English
  • ref 35, I don't think including the quote is necessary
  • ref 37, appears to be a dead link
  • ref 41 appears to not be formatted correctly
  • ref 43 needs a publisher
  • likewise ref 50
  • ref 54 needs the author adding
  • ref 57 needs a publisher
  • likewise ref 64

The main issue for me is the prose it needs a copyedit by a native English speaker, as there quite a few issues. I would recommend fining one before taking this to FLC. NapHit (talk) 14:04, 6 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – After scanning through the lead, I've come to agree with NapHit that the entire list needs a thorough copy-edit by somebody with strong English skills. There are simply too many issues with the list at the moment, and I fear that a trip to FLC will not end up well if further copy-editing does not occur. The most glaring issues I saw are listed below, but please do not assume that fixing them will solve all of the list's problems.

  • "the" is needed before "State of Pakistan" in the first sentence.
  • Redundancy in "The office of Prime Minister was created immediately after the creation of Pakistan". "created" and "creation" in such close proximity is not great prose.
  • Later in the sentence, another "the" is needed before Indian Independence Act.
  • "Seven different Prime Ministers were changed between 1951 and 1957". "changed" is not the appropriate word here; "Seven different Prime Ministers served" is what you might have meant.
  • Typo in "therteen days".
  • "and Zulfikar Ali Bhutto entered the office who was overthrown by Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq during the Operation Fair Play in 1977, the position abolished and the latter became Chief Martial Law Administrator." Needs a total re-write.
  • "Sharif became the most powerful Prime Minister in counry's history...". "in counry's history" → "in the country's history".
  • "since Independence in 1947." Don't need capitalization here, or another wikilink to Indian Independence Act 1947.
  • "He, during his both terms". "both" → "two"?
  • "seventeen have ealected by the National Assembly." "have ealected" → "have been elected". Giants2008 (Talk) 18:18, 8 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Comment

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