Wikipedia:Peer review/List of music releases from Popstars contestants/archive1

List of music releases from Popstars contestants

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I am trying to get the set of articles for Popstars, Pop Idol, Fame Academy and X Factor to Featured List status. I would like some feedback on the layout of the page, completeness and general points for improvement.

Thanks, 03 md 09:56, 9 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Brianboulton comments: I commented a few weeks back on List of music releases from Pop Idol contestants. This is very much the same sort of article.

Suggested rephrase: "The aim of the first series, Popstars, was to find five singers to form a new pop group. In the second series, Popstars: The Rivals, two groups were created, and then competed for the Christmas number one in the United Kingdom."
Specify "Two further releases from the group..."
"They released their first album..." → "The group released its first album..."
"Despite this initial success and hiring a new member when Kym Marsh left, " The sentence is clumsily constructed. Try: "After this initial success Kym Marsh left the group and was replaced, but the group split only a year after formation."
Consistency: Earlier you said "Christmas number one", now it's "Christmas Number 1". (Also, elsewhere you have hyphenated "number-one")
"The second series saw the formation of two new groups..." Explain that they were a girl group and a boy group.
This sentence is too long; needs splitting, and possibly some rephrasing: "The two groups competed for the Christmas Number 1 in 2002 with their debut singles "Sound of the Underground" and "Sacred Trust/After You're Gone" respectively, with the girls coming out on top and debuting at number-one and the boys at number two. Try: "The two groups competed for the 2002 Christmas Number 1 with their respective debut singles "Sound of the Underground" and "Sacred Trust/After You're Gone". The girls came out on top, debuting at number-one with the boys at number two."
This sentence: "Girls Aloud, in contrast have gone on to become one of the most successful female groups in the United Kingdom, with 17 successive top ten singles, four number ones and six top ten albums" needs to be redrafted to lose the POV feel. I suugest: "Girls Aloud, by contrast, have gone on to achieve 17 successive top ten singles, four number ones and six top ten albums."
"In addition to the winners of the show..." There were two shows.
On the presentation of the tables, same point as I made with the Pop Idol musical releases article: the tables would look much neater if the numerics were centred.
The "Other releases" secton should be in prose, not bullet points
"See also" has a redlink in it.

Hope these comments help. Brianboulton (talk) 18:22, 16 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]