Wikipedia:Peer review/Madonna/archive4

Madonna (entertainer)

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to nominate the article for Featured article candidate and would like my felow editors to point out if htere is any issue that can stop it from being an FA. I have developed it to be a comprehensive biography of one of the most important faces of contemporary music.

Thanks, --Legolas ^(talk2me) 09:25, 26 February 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Seems overall well done, but I think the language could use a bit of polish before FAC and there are a few minor issues too. Here are some suggestions for improvement. Sorry you've had to wait so long on this PR.

• External link checker finds one dead link (toolbox in upper right corner)
• I would imagine the Barbie doll is copyrighted by Mattel or whoever made it so I am not sure it is a free image.
• Some of the alt text seems a bit odd - a few examples (not an exhaustive list)
  • The doll is holding the veil in its right hand and is kept on black, polished floor. What does "and is kept on black, polished floor" mean here - is it "and is standing on a black, polished surface"?
  • Or one image is a photo identified as a bust image, but I think a bust (sculpture) is not an accurate description of a photo
  • Or this redundancy A female blond woman standing on a stage. can use female or woman, but does not need both
• Awkward - probably needs to be split into two sentences They established her as a pop icon, [known?] for pushing the boundaries of lyrical content in mainstream popular music and [for the? or is she pushing boundaries here too?] imagery in her music videos, which became a fixture on MTV.
• More awkward language in the lead Her recognition was augmented by the film Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) which widely became seen as a Madonna vehicle, despite her not playing the lead. how about Desperately Seeking Susan (1985) which was widely seen as a Madonna vehicle,...?
• More work needed here: Expanding on the use of religious imagery with Like a Prayer (1989), Madonna received positive critical reception for her diverse musical productions, while at the same time [she?] was criticised by religious conservatives and the Vatican. if possible avoid passive voice and try to swtich it to active voice, so the end here could be something like ...while at the same time religious conservatives and the Vatican criticised her.
• Even things that are grammatically OK could be tightened in places, like In 1992, Madonna founded the Maverick corporation, a joint venture between herself and Time Warner. could be In 1992, Madonna founded the Maverick corporation as a joint venture with Time Warner.
• Or During the 2000s, Madonna released four studio albums – namely Music (2000), ... could drop the word "namely" I think
• I would also mention her two marriages and the adoption case in the lead - they seem at least as important as the Vatican criticizing her.
• These examples are all from the lead, but looking at three paragraphs in the lead at random I found these examples:
  • 1986-1991 last paragraph The video was deemed too sexually explicit for MTV, and was banned from the station.[60] MTV is a network or perhaps a channel, but not really a station
  • or same paragraph At the end of the year, Madonna decided to leave the Jennifer Lynch film Boxing Helena.[62] this needs to provide context to the reader - IIRC she agreed to star in the film, then left it, so perhaps At the end of the year, Madonna decided to leave the Jennifer Lynch film Boxing Helena, which she had previously agreed to star in.[62]
  • 1997-2002 second paragraph - First two sentences could be combined. This one is just awkward The latter's music video, depicted Madonna committing murders and accidents, with cars and was banned by MTV and VH1 from airing.[94] first off one does not commit accidents (that is why they are accidents), the commas after video and accidents seem unnecessary, as does "from airing" (if MTV bans it, what else does it mean?) so perhaps The latter's music video depicted Madonna committing murders and involved in accidents with cars, and was banned by MTV and VH1.[94]
• The Michael Jackson and Bob Dylan FAs both put dates last in headers and in parentheses.
• So overall this seems OK in terms of content and references, and just needs a copyedit. There are people at Wikipedia:WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors and WP:PR/V (last section) who will help with copyedits

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 22:44, 13 March 2010 (UTC)

• • Thank you for these wonderful comments Ruhrfisch. --Legolas ^(talk2me) 04:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)

• Binksternet comments. I would like to see a small mention of Madonna's various microphone usages for studio recordings and especially for concert appearances. Producer Patrick Leonard says he employed an AKG C24 stereo microphone for many years, then changed to a Sputnick mic for the documentary I Am Because We Are. Privately, Leonard refers to the AKG C24 as his "Madonna mic", but the terms "Madonna mic", "Madonna mike" and "Madonna microphone" entered the public sphere in reference to her first concert headset microphone, the Crown CM311A connected to a wireless transmitter she wore on her body. Garth Brooks was known for this wireless microphone combination around the same time, and there are mentions of the "Madonna mic" or the "Garth mic" in popular literature:
  • Google Books search yields a couple of fiction works from 2005–2006, a music industry article from 2003 and a social science work from the same year.
  • Kai Harada, sound designer and sound handbook author, writes about "The Feeding and Care of RF Microphones". "Boom Mounting—also known as the "Madonna-mic"—it is the use of a headset boom fastened around the head or over the top of the head, with the microphone capsule on a boom arm that extends to the mouth."
  • Dan McLean, Jr., magician and audio industry veteran, writes about "The Parts Of An RF System". "Headset. Often called a "Madonna" mic."
  • BBC's Andrew Castle, commentator for Wimbledon, calls his headset mic a "Madonna mic".
  • Technical theater for nontechnical people, pages 155–156; Drew Campbell talks about the headset mic, "known around the business as the 'Madonna' mic, because she was one of the first major performers to use them".
  • Patent applicant Eduardo Schapiro describes a boom mic attached to a headset as a "'Madonna' microphone".
  • Preacher Mark Roberts describes how his congregation did not like his "Madonna-mic" at first, but got used to it later.
  • Retail store listing for Crown CM311... click on reviews for Garth and Madonna.
  • Bramshaw, an Australian electronics company, offers their TourGuide 'Madonna' model microphone.

By 2002, Madonna had changed to a hand-held Sennheiser SKM-3072UX wireless mic fitted with a 300E capsule. For the Re-Invention tour in 2004, she used the SKM-3072 hand-held but sometimes switched to a custom headset mic with Sennheiser ME105 capsule connected to an SK5012 body pack transmitter. Sennheiser clearly hoped to capitalize on Madonna's name—in August 2006, they wrote "Longtime Sennheiser endorser" Madonna was using her "much-favored SKM 3072 super-cardioid handheld transmitter", and in February 2010, they crowed about her "wielding her trademark chrome SKM 5200 with the ME 3005 capsule". Trademark? Wishful thinking. The headset mic became an iconic look for Madonna, but the hand-held mic not so much. Anyway, all the preceding material is far more than I would push into the Madonna biography article; all I want is to see some brief mention of her connection to this essential technology, her response to it, her preferences, her experiences. How the term "Madonna mic" came into use. Binksternet (talk) 19:16, 16 March 2010 (UTC)

• • Appreciate teh hard work, but I'm baffled as to why the microphone thing is at all needed in a biography article? Shouldn't they be suitable for the toura articles? --Legolas ^(talk2me) 04:02, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
    • Madonna is one of two people in the world who are associated with the headset mic, and the term "Madonna mic" comes from her usage. She influenced many people by this mic choice. I think it suitable that this might be mentioned in the bio article. As it is, there is no photo of her wearing a headset in a performance, and no mention of her wide influence in this regard. Binksternet (talk) 05:13, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
      • Maybe in the Legacy section? --Legolas ^(talk2me) 05:19, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
        • Sure, or chronologically near 1990, when she first appeared with a headset during Blond Ambition. "Telephone Headsets are Suddenly Cool." Binksternet (talk) 05:30, 17 March 2010 (UTC)
          • goody goody. I can defintely add it in the live performance part and legacy. --Legolas ^(talk2me) 05:35, 17 March 2010 (UTC)