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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… after attaining GA status, the article fell into a bit of disrepair before extensive changes were made. I would like to take the article to FAC and I would appreciate any feedback prior to that.
Thanks, The Writer 2.0 Talk 19:41, 29 June 2011 (UTC)
Giants2008 comments – A review was requested on my talk page, so I'm here. Some ideas:
- First off, the source reliability is strong. The only one I would call questionable is TheJetsBlog (reference 71). Blogs aren't the best things to be using in an FA in most cases, and a fact from an AFC Championship Game should be avaliable from a more reliable outlet.
- Done. I found a more reliable source to take its place.
- Couple of reference formatting notes. First, non-printed publishers shouldn't be italicized. Second, NESN in reference 62 could be spelled out.
- Done.
- General comments: The lead is two short paragraphs. Aim to make it either two larger paragraphs or even three. A good method of writing the lead is to make sure all sections are represented. That, and some more info on his college career and most recent NFL season, should help beef up the lead.
- Done.
- I see two award sections, one for his college career and one for his NFL career. How about making them into one Awards section below all of the prose? It is kind of jarring to go from prose to list-type material, and back to prose.
- Done. I took a look at Peyton Manning and copied the style utilized there regarding the placement of the Awards/Accomplishments and Statistics.
- One thing the article is missing is some kind of a Playing style section, which someone at FAC will likely comment on at some point. Such a section could include information on his attributes (arm strength, mobility, opinions on leadership qualities) and perhaps some statistics (like interceptions).
- Done
- The Personal section is usually titled Personal life in most bio articles I've seen, but I don't think this is a biggie.
- Done. Might as well make the change just to be safe.
- No need to link the Jets twice in the first two sentences. The prose/MOS reviewers wouldn't like to see that so early.
- Done. I didn't even notice that. Thank you!
- After the first usage of National Football League, it would be nice to provide the abbreviated version in parentheses, since it is used later in the lead and body.
- Done.
Will try to come back soon with more prose comments. I only looked closely at the lead and a little of the body. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:36, 30 June 2011 (UTC)
Eagles247 comments
- Michigan should be wikilinked in the lead
- AFC Championship Game should be wikilinked in the lead
- First name should not be included in infobox image caption
- Place of birth should be wikilinked in the infobox (due to someone changing the template)
- I'm not sure, but I've seen "Southern California" under "College" in the infobox before instead of "USC"
- Touchdowns to interceptions statistics should have an endash instead of a regular dash
- Use "Sanchez" instead of "Mark" here: "When Mark was four, his parents divorced;" per WP:SURNAME
- "Kids" is informal, consider using "children"
- "joined the football team" <-- "football" should be wikilinked to High school football
- Santa Margarita High should be wikilinked
- ""quarterback guru"." <--punctuation goes inside the quotation marks
- California Interscholastic Federation should be wikilinked
- University of Southern California should be wikilinked in its first instance in Early years
- I would change "perform" to "play" in the College career section
- The second and third instances of "John David Booty" should just read "Booty"
- Arizona should be wikilinked
- Single-digit numbers should be spelled out as words per WP:ORDINAL
- Need a comma after "Overall, Sanchez played in six games"
- "overcoming a shaky first half where he threw" --> "overcoming a shaky first half in which he threw"
- In between, for example, "35" and "yards," there should be an
- Remove second wikilink of "Matt Leinart"
- "Coaches Poll" --> "Coaches' Poll"
- Second instance of "Carson Palmer" should read "Palmer"
- "2009 NFL Draft" should be wikilinked under "College career," and not wikilinked in its second instance under "Pre-draft"
- "fall" is not capitalized, but "Spring" is capitalized --> need consistency
- New York Jets should not be wikilinked in its second instance under "Professional career"
- Cleveland Browns should be wikilinked
- "It was the Jets first victory" --> "It was the Jets' first victory"
- "from the Jets defensive unit" --> "from the Jets' defensive unit"
- Hot dog should be wikilinked
- Second instance of "Kellen Clemens" should read "Clemens"
- Same with Rex Ryan
- "completing eight of sixteen passes for sixty-three yards" --> need consistency with stats
- "en route to a 37–0 win over the Cincinnati Bengals, who, already clinched the AFC North title and a playoff berth, rested their starters." --> sentence needs cleanup
- "Sporting News" should be italicized
- "OTA's" should be changed to "orangized team activities (OTA's)" for clarification
- Brian Schottenheimer should be wikilinked in the quote
- "Mark Sanchez" should be changed to "Sanchez" in the quote
- Should be "Sanchez's father, Nick"
- "Sanchez is best friends with childhood buddy Scotty McKnight" --> Should not use "buddy"
- USC should be the first table of statistics shown
- "Awards, Honors and Accomplishments" heading should be "Awards, honors and accomplishments"
Some of these comments are nit-picky, let me know if you don't understand what I mean for some. Eagles 24/7 (C) 16:04, 1 July 2011 (UTC)
- I appreciate your comments Eagles! I believe I have taken care of everything that you mentioned and if there is anything else, please let me know. -- The Writer 2.0 Talk 21:02, 3 July 2011 (UTC)