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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because Mary Pickford is one of the great pioneers of cinema. She warrants an outstanding filmography page. I'd like to make this a featured list. Can anyone offer any suggestions on how to improve it?
Thanks, Jimknut (talk) 21:04, 19 October 2009 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Sorry to be so long a wait for this PR. This looks pretty good to me and I am glad to see something this nicely done on one of the giants of the screen. Here are some nitpicky suggestions for improvement.
- Oh, I don't think they're nitpicky.
- WP:LEAD says the lead should be no more than 4 paragraphs - can the last fifth paragraph be combined with the current fourth one?
- The lead is now condensed to three paragraghs.
- I also think the lead could benefit from some added context, for example could the years be added so the reader knew from the lead when she was at a particular film company? So for example Initially with the Biograph film company, she moved to the Independent Motion Picture Company (IMP) in 1911, then briefly to the Majestic Film Company late that same year, followed by a return to Biograph in 1912.[4] or something similar. See WP:PCR
- Changed per your suggestions.
- I also wondered if the headers should all have years as is already done for some - the TOC seems like it would be more useful to me with them in than as is without for most.
- Also changed per your suggestions.
- I would also make it clear in the lead that though she was Canadian, her work was in Hollywood (presumably) / America.
- I changed this to read: Pickford was born in Toronto and began acting on stage in 1900. She began her film career in the United States in 1909.[3]
- Is it "United Artist" as in In 1919 Pickford teamed with D.W. Griffith, Charlie Chaplin, and Douglas Fairbanks to create United Artist, an organization designed .. or "United Artists" as in She sold her stock in United Artists in 1956.[2]?
- It's "United Artists". My mistake, now fixed.
- When was she awarded her star on the Walk of Fame?
- I've been unable to find an exact date. The Hollywood Walk of Fame went into construction in 1960 and over 1000 names were added during that initial construction period, which I believe lasted about 16 months. There was no official ceremonies for these first stars. Pickford was probably among them. In the Charlie Chaplin filmography, which has now acheived featured list status, I mentioned that he received a star on the Walk of Fame but give no year.
- Would it make sense to give an approximate running time for typical one-reelers and split-reelers?
- In the brief intros to each of the sub-sections in the "Shorts" sections, I have one-reelers linked to the Wikientry on reels. I think that should work.
- Suggest a change to All of Pickford's 1910 Biograph releases are one-reelers and directed by D.W. Griffith, except where noted. I looked for notes on things that were not one reelers
- I added a notes column to all of the short films.
- Awkward In December 1910 Carl Laemmle signed Pickford to his Independent Motion Picture Company (IMP) where she received an increased salary from what Biograph paid her and also star billing.[16]
- I shorted this to simply: In December 1910 Carl Laemmle signed Pickford to his Independent Motion Picture Company (IMP). I think the salary business short be in the main bio of Pickford, but unneccessary for the filmography.
- I have no idea what State rights are in film ditribution - is there a link or note that can be added? The earliest features she made for Zukor were released in the United States through regional organizations on a State rights basis.[19]
- An explaination to State rights is now given.
- Pickford starred in only four sound films before retiring from acting but list gives FIVE films as actress??
- One of these was not completed and is now noted as such.
- Can a better Header than "Addendum" be found? "Cameos and errors" perhaps? Or a Cameos section and an errors section?
- Retitled: "Cameos and erroneous credits"
- Some web refs have retrieved dates, others do not
- Corrected.
- On closer examination, while the book refs seem fine for the level of detail provided, the web refs do not. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
- Corrected.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 00:37, 3 November 2009 (UTC)
- Care to take another look? Jimknut (talk) 20:15, 4 December 2009 (UTC)